Olympic update - Gordon Brown wins gold!

In a fantastic start to the Olympics Great Britain has its first gold medal courtesy of Swansea girl Nicole Cooke in the ladies cycling road race. Noticeably, as a winner she is described as "British" - had she lost, it might have been "Welsh." And expect a whole load more medals from the cycling given that few of us can afford to drive cars anymore as petrol prices touch the £300 per gallon mark. A delighted Gordon Brown commented "It is a marvellous start to the Olypmic Games and wonderful for a Celt to win our first gold medal. Obviously whilst our strategy of not capping fuel duty means that every price rise is accompanied by an increase in the money paid in tax, I cannot take full credit for this success and we should pay some tribute to young Miss Cooke who must share at least some of the glory." The Conservatives however were furious at these comments. Their leader, David Cameron is a regular cyclist and, most days, even beats his two cars of bodyguards into work. Mr. Cameron responded: "It is clear that the Prime Minister is simply attempting to claim the glory for a success born from Tory policies. Who can forget Norman (now Lord) Tebbit's famous "on yer bike" speech from the early 80s. Surely it was this far sighted Conservative policy that paved the way for the current success." The Liberal Democrats were unimpressed by either argument since, in their opinion, all British Olympic success may be traced directly back to the participation of Ming Campbell in the 1964 games in Tokyo where, despite popular myth, he did not in fact step down from the leadership of the relay team to make way for a younger man.