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NEWSLINK
The Newsletter of the
Mudeford Men’s Club
Summer 2010
In-ger-lund Ing-er-lund In-ger-lund!
And so another World Cup comes around and tens of millions of Brits try to pretend that England could actually win it. Let’s be honest, they can’t, but hopefully they’ll have a good run (get the car started Liz, I could be in big trouble here!)
Meanwhile, for those of us who aren’t English, we can look forward to the forthcoming crucial Wales/Scotland clash at Subbuteo.
Seriously though, Ray Reddell told me this week that a request has been made to England fans not to display the Union Flag or the Cross of Saint George as it may “offend” people. Today I read that a mother and toddler were asked to get off a bus because the lad was wearing an England shirt. What a load of pathetic PC nonsense. It could even make me, a Welshman, buy an England shirt! And if you don’t like the cross and the three lions at the top of the page I suggest you get yourself a thick marker pen, and a life.
The refurbishment
The situation seems to change almost daily, but, from what I understand we are now looking at starting work possibly early in August.
Too much of a coincidence?
The Large Hadron Collider near Geneva became fully operational at exactly the time our very own Lyn Stark was “on holiday” in Switzerland. Now, the LHC is trying to find sub-atomic particles such as the (does it/doesn’t it exist?) Higgs Boson particle. Old hat, I’m rather more excited to hear about the discovery of the “Stark Quark.”
Ladies Darts Presentation
Thursday 27th May saw the Ladies Darts Presentation and disco at the Club. Sheila Peck picked up a medal for a 180 and also won the Division 2 Ladies Singles title.
Sheila Peck with her trophies whilst Sharon and Judy support a distressed local man found rummaging for food in a bin.
Sheila’s team (Mudeford C) also picked up gongs for finishing second in the Division 2 title race.
The ladies team collect their trophies whilst a confused gentleman mistakes it for The Conga and attempts to join in.
In-house disco fiasco!
The idea was simple enough, we had an extension for a birthday party in the Club. The band could only play until 11:15 so, I thought, I’ll just plug in the computer and do a disco for an hour. Simple.
Having to set up the gear at 7:15 meant that there were four hours to kill before starting the disco. Four hours in a bar. Perhaps now you start to see the problem. This first became apparent when Maria Griffiths came to request a Shakira song. In my state of “reduced efficiency” I was completely unable to spell “Shakira” in order to type it into the search box. Well, you try it after four hours on the lager!
The next problem came at the end of the night and was related to the location I was in. Being almost right in front of a speaker, the noise was too great to be able to hear my headphones to cue up the next song. So, for the last song of the night, I had a bit of comedy lined up. However, as I couldn’t hear it, I was not aware that the PC had mixed up the names of two tracks when they were loaded on. As a result, the track that played was not in fact “The Last Lager Waltz” but a somewhat rude reworking of the old song “My Grandfather’s Clock” but with one less “L” in the title. Fortunately I realised before it got to the really filthy bit!
And finally, to round off this succession of clock-ups, and this is completely true – I managed to fall out of bed – the bottom of the bed (don’t ask me how) waking up as my head crashed into the wardrobe.
If anybody else fancies a go at an In-house disco, let me know! We can arrange for a PC with about 2,500 tracks to choose from in addition to being able to play your own CDs. You’ll have to provide your own protective headgear though and we accept no responsibility for damage to wardrobes.
All I can say is that next time I have to do this (late June) it will be the day before a large family birthday lunch and I am under orders to drink considerably less – and yes, Maria, I have got some Shakira tracks ready for next time!
Entertainment news
It’s not the easiest of times at the moment for planning entertainment. Firstly there is the World Cup and the need to show England games impacts on what else we can do and, of course, the position they finish in their group will determine when future matches could be played!
Then there’s the building work. Some acts are already booked and may have to be cancelled and other dates have been left blank and have to be quickly filled when the start date gets put back. So, we can’t print the usual three months ahead. Basically, keep an eye on the notieboard for up-to-date information.
We have taken a gamble that England win their group and will therefore play their first knockout game on Saturday 26th June at 7:30pm – exactly the time Pussyfoot was due to start. So, Pussyfoot is now on the 19th and the match, if it happens, will be shown in the Club.
JUNE
Sat 5th Race night
Sat 12th England v USA (7:30pm) then The Shoestring Blues Band (Ext)
Sun 13th Alan Preston – new act
Fri 18th England v Algeria – 7:30pm
Sat 19th Annual Pussyfoot Dinner (Ext)
Wed 23rd England v Slovenia – 3pm
Fri 25th Alpine Roadshow (Men’s Darts Presentation, Ext)
Sat 26th Probably football & in-house disco (Ext) – depends on previous results.
Sun 27th Adagio
JULY
Sat 3rd Brian Moon & the Satellites (Ext)
Sun 4th Paul Hammond
Sat10th Coroma Disco
Sat 17th Blowin' Free
Sat 24th Blitz Disco
Sun 25th Bianca
Sat 31st Bugattis
At the time of writing we are waiting for Skyprovide us with a new set top box for the Lounge. When we see what sort of connections are available, we plan to buy a projector (quickly!) and the necessary cabling to do a temporary install in the Lounge, just in time for the World Cup – assuming everything works!
Our Secretary has kindly provided a large screen which will be used until the refurb when we hope to have an electric screen that descends from the roof.
So, please bear in mind that what you see for the World Cup won’t be the finished article but we’re confident it should be good.
If you weren’t there on 24th April to see a band called Mr. Wiseguy – remember the name and come down next time we get them. They were a last minute stand in after a cancellation and I heard several people say they are the best band they’ve seen in the Club. However, they are pretty busy so it might be a while before we can have them back!
There have been a LOT of requests to have Paul Hammond more regularly on a Sunday lunchtime. There isn’t the budget to have more Sunday acts but in future, we will try to ensure that Paul crops up a bit more often and, as of five minutes ago, he is booked for Sunday 4th July.
After England’s first match (against the USA) we will have a new act in the shape of The Shoestring Blues Band. They were due to play at the Club a couple of years ago but one of the members had a nasty accident and ended up in hospital. Anyway, they will play blues-rock by artists such as Cream and ZZ Top, and there’s a late bar too, hopefully celebrating a good win.
The next day, Sunday lunchtime will see another new act, Alan Preston, who comes recommended.
The Frank Selleck Trophy
A magnificent fight back against Southbourne in the first leg (home) saw us come from 5-1 down to 5-5 then winning the final frame on the black to take a lead into the away leg. Alas, we were once again unlucky away from home and lost by a single frame.
The excitement was too much for some …
Asked for a quote, the President’s reply was short and to the point – “Sack Rob Boulton as captain!” He did ask me to print that Rob, so I think he’s only joking!!!
The Mickey House Trophy
You may remember this from a few years back, where we take on the Conservative Club at a variety of challenges such as darts, snooker, crib, dominoes etc.
Well, it’s back. Judy Janes has kindly agreed to run with it and has made the necessary arrangements with the Con Club. The legs will be held on Thu 29th July (Mudeford) and Thu 12 Aug (Con Club).
This year, due to the lack of time, we have picked the players by asking people who are respected in each sport or game to put a few names forward. Maybe next year we might be able to have some sort of qualifying competition to select players???
Subsidies for Club events
You may have noticed that prices have increased for certain events such as Dinner Dance, Pussyfoot (still a few left at the time of writing) and Ascot. Ascot tickets have risen from £25 to £35 this year.
Opinion is strongly divided as to how much events should be subsidised but in the current economic climate, the Club simply could not spend as much money as in past years. You still get these events for less than the “real” price so please support your Committee and Treasurer who have to take tough decisions in difficult times.
Vouchers for schools
We got over 5,000 last year so don’t forget to collect them if you’re at Tesco or Sainsburys. The box is on the Lounge bar but not for too much longer.
Price increases
Yes, we had a bit of a jump in the beer prices but as you will all be aware, the former Chancellor had a hand to play in that. It is hoped that no more increases will be required for a while but again, what the Government and the brewery do is out of our hands. Also bear in mind that we still have some of the very cheapest prices in the area.
Coming up …
Pussyfoot Dinner – Sat 18th June
Still a few tickets left (£27.50)
Marrow Competition – Sunday 5th September
Ladies Night
Nothing confirmed yet but this may well be a trip to The Sound of Music at the Pavilion in Sept/Oct.
Butlins weekend Fri 8th – Mon 11th Oct (TBC)
An 80’s weekend, see noticeboard for further details. We’ll never be able to drag some of our members forward into the 1980s!
Ascot Sat 24th July
The remaining tickets (£35) will be on sale in the Club on Tue 15th June at 8pm.
The cost includes your coach travel, entry fee to the course and a buffet. Enquiries to Sharon Morgan, 01202 484956, Mob 07907 632837.
Committee elections and AGM
Three people stepped down this year and we thank them all for their efforts – Clive Vassie, Luke Herridge and Dave Hastings.
Mark Vassie and Ray Watson were elected to the Committee and following sixteen years in the job of Treasurer, Dave Hastings was replaced by Mike Boulton. We wish them all well.
The AGM passed without any major stories to report. However, I must mention that when the Secretary said that there was a “lovely collection of faces here tonight” – some wag chipped in with “Should ‘ave gone to Specsavers!”
Club website
Paul Rogers has been working very hard on the new Club website and we hope it will be going live in the very near future. Paul had no previous experience of building websites and what he has achieved is really excellent so check it out and give him any feedback or suggestions you may have. See http://www.mudefordmens.co.uk/
Your letters and emails
A last minute submission from Clive Vassie has to win the £10 of drinks at the bar for the following timely poem. With apologies to any fans of Irish writer George Bernard Shaw!
Goodbye to my England , So long my old friend
Your days are numbered, being brought to an end
To be Scottish, Irish or Welsh that's fine
(HEAR! HEAR! – Ed)
But don't say you're English, that's way out of line.
The French and the Germans may call themselves such
So may Norwegians, the Swedes and the Dutch
You can say you are Russian or maybe a Dane
But don't say you're English ever again.
At Broadcasting House the word is taboo
In Brussels it's scrapped, in Parliament too
Even schools are affected. Staff do as they're told
They must not teach children about England of old.
Writers like Shakespeare, Milton and Shaw
The pupils don't learn about them anymore
How about Agincourt, Hastings , Arnhem or Mons ?
When England lost hosts of her very brave sons.
We are not Europeans, how can we be?
Europe is miles away, over the seaWe're the English from England , let's all be proud
Stand up and be counted - Shout it out loud!
Let's tell our Government and Brussels too
We're proud of our heritage and the Red, White and Blue
Fly the flag of Saint George or the Union Jack
Let the world know - WE WANT OUR ENGLAND BACK!!!!
Given that he made 29 submissions for this Newslink, we have to give a mention (and a free pint) to Ray Watson. As his total input would be about 10 pages, below are a few edited highlights. We do appreciate the endless supply of jokes that come in, however, doesn’t anyone have anything to say about the refurbishment, the reduction in subsidy for Club events, the Equalities Bill, the general election or the increase in drinks prices?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
The first testicular guard "cup" was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
That means it took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'
During a company’s recent password audit, it was found that a blonde employee was using the following password:
"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why she had such a long password,
she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
And some genuine complaints made to Thomas Cook by holiday-makers (you may have heard some of these already on Radio 4 …)
"On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."
"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."
A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
"The beach was too sandy."
"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."
A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."
"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."
"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."
"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home."
"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."
"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be OK staying here?"
"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."
"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."
"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."
"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
Contact Newslink
Write to Newslink via the Club.
E-mail via the Club web site.
Call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxx.
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