NEWSLINK
The Newsletter of the
Mudeford Men’s Club
Spring 2011
There it was, gone!
Always the way. Newslink was ready to print when suddenly lots of stuff came in. So, my leader column had to go to make room. A relief to all I’m sure.
2010/11 charity fundraising.
On Sunday 6th March we will have the charity cheque presentation ceremony at lunchtime. Thanks to the generosity of the members who took part as well as those that made donations and all the local businesses that did the same, we will again be making really meaningful donations to some great local causes.
Some facts and figures about the fundraising:
The Grand Boxing Day Auction raised £1298.
The Balloon Race, raised around £300 and was postponed for a week due to some dodgy wind heading straight for Mexico which seemed a little optimistic for a balloon to manage. At the time of writing, several have been returned with the current leader being in Holland. The winner will be announced on the 6th March.
Name the reindeer was won by Tim Tad.
Peter Fisher had the closest guess as to how much was in the bottle on the bar (£229.95) and wins a large bottle of whisky.
The cut glass decanter filled with coins (donated by Myra Cook) raised over £100 and was won by Ray Reddell who donated the coins to Help For Heroes (although there wasn’t as much cash in there as any of us had thought – under a tenner!)
The flat screen TV and DVD player donated by Pete Dodd raised a massive £250 and was won by John Dalton. John very kindly then donated another £40 to the charity fund!
Teresa jolly good fellow!
Sadly, Teresa Fooks did her last shift behind the bar on 7th January before going off to a new job in Ringwood. I’m sure we will all miss her and her sense of humour behind the bar and we all wish her the very best of luck.
A century for Bill
Entertainment news
I’ll be honest, I was looking forward to seeing another Elvis impersonator about as much as a trip to the dentist. Craig Jefferson and The Wonder of Elvis Band changed my mind. Judging from the reaction we may have to do this again in a year or two!
Apologies to those who came to the War of the Worlds live DVD night, for the sound problems. It turned out that when we plugged in the HDMI lead to the laptop, it decided that we must be using a surround sound system and changed the audio output from stereo to 6 channel leading to the distortion. We’ll know for next time.
On the subject of DVD nights, Wii nights etc, again one or two comments have been made. Just to explain, it was decided to try and keep January a low cost month since many people will be short of cash after Christmas and perhaps not coming out. The money saved paid for the Elvis night in February. Rest assured that there are no more of these evenings planned until July/August when numbers also tend to be down, due to the holiday season.
What’s coming up …
March
5th Cabaret night - Ext
6th (lunch) Charity cheques presented, Balloon Race results, music from Adagio
12th Mr Wiseguy
19th Coroma Disco - Ext
20th (lunch) Paul Hammond
26th Dr Strangebrew
April
2nd Movin’ On
3rd (lunch) Martin Boucher
9th Blitz Disco (possible Ext, TBC)
16th Filmed Race Night
23rd Easter Disco – Pete Mitchell - Ext
24th (lunch) Paul Hammond
29th (day) Royal Wedding + Blowin’ Free
30th TBA - Ext
May
7th DJ Langer TBC - Ext
14th Catch 22
15th (lunch) Laurence
21st State of Undress
28th Pacific Heights Disco - Ext
29th (lunch) TBA
We got a great crowd in for the Abba night in December with most people seeming to thoroughly enjoy themselves. One or two comments were made about the use of backing tapes but there are two things to remember here. Firstly, both the guitar and the keyboards were being played live, trust me. Secondly, Abba required 16 people on stage to re-create those songs so with a band of four, clearly they can’t do it all themselves!
As you’ll know, there is no dinner dance this year but hopefully, next year, we will return to a newly refurbished Hoburne. By way of a bit of compensation however, we have a Cabaret Night for you on what would have been the Dinner Dance weekend – Sat 5th March.
As ever, this is free to members (make sure you have your card for inspection) and non-members can be signed in for a very small fee.
In what will hopefully be a great line up we have music from the Blues Brothers and Soul Sisters and comedy magic from Roy Charles.
The evening will close with madcap comedian (also the lead singer with the Rocking Berries for those of a certain age!) Jay McGee. Jay is larger than life in every sense and not to be missed.
First act will be about 8:30pm with a short break between each for smokers/drinkers to attend to their needs! Midnight bar too.
Christmas Competitions
Sloe Gin
1st - Emmit Kirkby (48)
2nd - Pip Langdon (47)
3rd - George Cousins (38)
Over 60s snooker doubles
Winners: Ken Ellwood and Chas Denney
Runners-up: Jack Halliwell and Stan Cording
Over 60s snooker singles
Winner: Ken Ellwood
Runner-up: Jack Halliwell
Men’s Darts singles
Winner: Phil Weeks
Runner-up: Matt Ramsier
Men’s Darts doubles
Winners: Martin Wood and Brett Wood
Runners-up: Luke Ramsier and Matt Ramsier
Ladies’ Darts
Winner: Liz Westall
Runner-up: Shelagh Vines
Mixed Darts
Winners: Mark Grimes and June Pettengell
Runners-up: Mark Calder and Alex Calder
Cribbage singles
Winner: Chas Denney
Runner-up: Alan Baker
Cribbage doubles – still not finished as far as we know!
Snooker
Winner: Joe Egan
Runner-up: Jonathan Beavis
Billiards
Winner: Tony Mathews
Runner-up: Rob Boulton
Dominoes singles
Winner: Trish Goodman
Runner-up: Julia Brolan
Dominoes doubles
Winners: Ken Ellwood and Norman Grindley
Runners-up: Ray Goodman and Trish Goodman
Poker Heads-Up
Winner: Neil Haskell
Runner-up: Paul Meade
Pussyfoot – June
This could be a contentious issue and we could even generate a letter to Newslink – the second one in five years! The situation is this: under the new Equality Laws, it is thought that the Club cannot run an event that only part of the membership can attend. So, ladies should be able to attend Pussyfoot and men should be able to attend Ladies’ night.
A number of ladies have said they want to go to Pussyfoot and various others have said that they think it should remain a men-only tradition, possibly with a Ladies Pussyfoot being organised for them!
Whatever the Committee decides to do, it will be controversial but if you want to send in your views and we have enough, we can do a one page Newslink special on the subject (as by the time of the next Newslink, tickets will probably already be on sale).
Royal Wedding Day
Whether you’re a staunch royalist or a committed republican, one thing is for sure – the Royal Wedding gives us a free Bank Holiday so let’s make the most of it!
At the time of writing, plans are constantly evolving but here’s roughly what we think will happen:
• Club open at 10am with the big screen on for the nuptials (service at 11am).
• Children WILL be allowed in and can bring along (quiet!) games to play. A few kind volunteers may also run some games for the kids.
• There is a darts match in the evening so children to be off the premises by 7pm.
• There will be a hog roast in the car park. The caterers will be working as normal.
• Live music after the wedding from Blowin’ Free
• For those (mainly men I’m guessing) that are less than interested there will be activities in the John Boyt Bar such as poker and a snooker “Killer” competition.
President finds another internet bargain!
You may remember the President’s “bargain” internet tickets for Paul McCartney which turned out to be tickets to hire a locker for the day. He seems to have excelled himself again as when he and Tricia turned up in South Africa, the hotel claimed to have no knowledge of the booking!
Coming soon …
16th March – Annual General Meeting 8pm.
March/April – Election of Officers and Committee
19th March – Eddie Carr Trophy
17th April – Easter Egg Draw
April – Frank Selleck Trophy
May – Pussyfoot competitions begin
What you’ve missed …
The Christmas draw was another great success – especially since I did well for once!
The Children’s party and panto trips were again enjoyed by many youngsters.
Your letters and emails
As usual, nothing but jokes this month. I can accept the fact that I’ve heard most of them before but honestly, quite a few have already been printed in Newslink!
From Ray Watson - Puns for those with a higher IQ
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done
I like these so much, I’m awarding a first ever TWO pints! But wait, there’s more from Ray …
This year we will experience 4 unusual dates.... 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 .........
NOW go figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you will be this year and it WILL EQUAL .... 111!
THIS IS SO STRANGE......NO MATTER HOW U (sic – Ed) DO IT, IT'S 111.....
Now,
a) Not too surprising that if you add your age to the year you were born, you get the current year (the 11 part)!
b) If you were born after 1999 you do not in fact get 111!
One of your two pints taken away again for not checking your figures Ray! Ed.
And, sneaking in with literally minutes to spare, Dave Hastings gets a pint for this …
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says,
'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...
Sum Ting Wong!
And finally …
Some people say that with more managers than beds, the NHS in overpopulated with paper pushers. How can they claim such a thing when some desk jockey, (paid for out of taxes) produced the following (copied from a poster on the wall in an NHS surgical ward)?
“In leadership roles, such as nursing, accountability is the acknowledgement and assumption of responsibility for actions, decisions and policies including the administration, governance and implementation within the scope of the role or employment position and encompassing the obligation to report, explain and be answerable for resulting consequences.”
Now, remember this, there will be a test later.
Give me strength.
Contact Newslink
Write to Newslink via the Club.
E-mail via the Club web site.
Call Rich Leyshon on xxxxx xxxxxx.
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