Newslink September 2009

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NEWSLINK

The Newsletter of the
Mudeford Men’s Club
September 2009

Yesterday cricket and strawberries, today wind, tomorrow mince pies.

It’s that time of year again when the leaves start to fall and Newslink takes on a distinctly agricultural feel as bitter rivalries re-surface in the fierce heat of the Marrow Competition. As I write this, there are 48 hours to go before kick off and, after last year’s less than successful attempts, I have overcome bitter disappointment and am ready to make a serious challenge on the Chutney and Fairy Cakes fronts (I have written off Jam as a bad lot).

On the agricultural theme, yours truly was lucky enough to be the only person I know to cop a dose of the old swine flu. Yes, I took the oinkment and had to gird my loins but I am now back on crackling form after some scratching. Anyone requiring details (or to hear about the National Flu Pandemic Hotline’s belief that my body temperature was higher than that of boiling water) should go to my blog for the full story. See later for blog details and why I’ve done it.

Fans of Corry Street will no doubt be aware that Norris Cole has arranged for his brother’s body to be flown back from Australia for cremation. So that’s two lots of ashes the Aussies have lost this summer!

Finally, this Newslink is the first one produced using a new method. After an idea by Laurie, we did some costings and realised we could save some money by getting a suitable ink-efficient colour printer and producing the copies in house. Hopefully, what you are reading now will have been printed using the new machine with the black and white pages done on the Club photocopier. If things go as expected we will reduce production costs and the printer will have paid for itself in one issue.

The only down side – some mug will have to spend hours printing, collating and stapling the pages – I wonder who that will be! Any volunteers?

What’s been happening …

Tuesday 25th August – it is reported that our very own Dave Sweetman may be up for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar after his scene stealing background performance on ITV’s Meridian News!

Sunday 2nd August 2009 and a special award of Life Membership was made to Harry and Win Hunwicks. This was in recognition of their many years of service to the Club organising the Monday Dancing which has been a feature of Monday nights and latterly, afternoons.

The Marrow Competition
And there it was, gone. Once again, the entire proceedings were totally devalued by the incompetent judges’ inability to recognise a great fairy cake or chutney when they saw it. Another two people off the Christmas card list. On to happier matters and the winners:

Let’s start with a bit of controversy and the Marrow Category. Now, third place was easy, that went to 2008 winner Danny Drayson. However, we then had two marrows weighing in at 14lbs each and, they were submitted by Anne and Brian Jerrard. The judges were forced to settle the issue based on the prettiest vegetable and, by this system, a distraught Brian was pushed into second place with Anne crowned champion.

Anne and Brian Jerrard receive trophies from the President

On to pumpkins and it was a convincing win for Joe Sutton (who missed the presentation, hence no pic) with his 76 lbs monster followed by Danny Drayson (again) in second and John Sellick in third.

In the runner bean category it was an easy win for Brian Jerrard (retaining his title) with his five beans measuring 124 inches (3.19m). Tony Gabb was second and Liz Westall sneaked into third by just half an inch.

The judges decided on the day to award a consolation prize to Pip Landon whose five best beans came in at 8 inches (20.3 cm).

The tomato competition was extremely close with just ounces between the winner and the unplaced entries. Hugh Jones was third with 2 lbs 7 oz, Danny Drayson (yet again) second with 2 lbs 8 oz and the winner was Dave Holdsworth with a weight of 2 lbs 9 ounces.

The onions were less close however. Eric Jesty came third with Percy Caws second, with weights under 5 lbs but Terry Wright retained the title with a combined weight of 7 lbs 7 oz for his five onions.

The floral arrangements this year were excellent and it was nice to see some men entering (and even nicer that I won my bet with Mark Vassie that he wouldn’t win the title – I enjoyed the pint, thanks Mark!) Jane Hunt got third, Joan Pinfield was second and the top prize went to Jean Ellwood.

For those who don’t know, I should point out that the flowers, jam, chutney and fairy cakes are all judged “blind” – we take the names off the entries and replace them with a number so the judges cannot be influenced in any way.

Onto the jam and it was Tony Gabb claiming third with his Victoria plum jam. Her lemon curd got Mary Sutton the second prize but, retaining his title, your winner was once again John Oliver with greengage and ginger. Next year John will attempt the hat-trick with greengage and either Biggles or Algie.

And so, to the two remaining categories, both of which have me typing through gritted teeth.

The chutney category is always competitive but, even so, I was confident that this part of Newslink would be carrying my winning recipe for Tangy Tomato Tastebud Tickler. However, due to some inexplicable judging wickedness, my chutney making talents were once again overlooked in favour of George Cousins, third (mango chutney), Anne Jerrard, second (red tomato and apple) with Jean Ellwood picking up her second gold with her green tomato chutney.

Dave, John and Terry

The last competition category was the Fairy Cakes (gentlemen only) and once again, I was confident of a result here. I had made forty six cakes in total with experiments to establish the best recipe and toppings. Yet again, I can only assume that numerous back-handers were exchanged and I was once again relegated to the also-baked. Hugh Jones grabbed third, Albert Raven was second but, the Mudeford Fairy King for 2009 was Denis Webb.

Due to the generosity of several members, we found ourselves with some extra prizes to give away on the day and so, we had a second, third and fourth place award in the Overall Winner stakes.

Bottles went to Anne and Brian Jerrard who both got a first and a second, Danny Drayson for his three placed entries but the overall winner, with two titles to her name was Jean Ellwood.

Queen Jean, the King of the Fairies and the infamous outlaw gang The Wilkinson Brothers

Dave Sweetman (assisted by a John Oliver cabbage) very kindly provided a wonderful vegetable basket as a prize for the “Guess the weight of the vegetable basket” competition and this was claimed by Binky Hunt with a spot on guess (14 lbs I think).

Special thanks to all the people who help out so much with this event both with donations and on the day. We couldn’t do it without you. Thanks also to the Committee for their donation of £50 and five bottles of wine and to the brewery for their several litres of whiskey.

Binky, the veg basket and a bit of a “Fairy King” stance from the President!

Finally the money. After selling off the produce (and paying for the prizes) we had a surplus of £101.21 which will be placed into the charity fund.

Entertainment news

Saturday 15th August - the Beatles Tribute!

We had been pushing this event for weeks. We had spent a lot of money to get a really good tribute band – The Fab Beatles.

The Cheatles – picture courtesy of Sharon Morgan

It was Saturday lunchtime. Nothing could go wrong now. Or so I thought.

At 12:43 the phone rang. “Hello, it’s Warble Entertainment here. I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you …”

The Fab Beatles had been playing in the Republic of Ireland the previous night and had suffered a blow out in their van on the way to the ferry terminal. They missed the ferry and would not be able to get to Mudeford in time. Cue some expletives.

With some extreme good luck, another top Beatles tribute, The Cheatles, were available. I checked them out on the web to see what they were like and the agent got them to agree to do it for the same fee as was being paid to the Fab Beatles.

There was also a small white lie here when I got told that they would be coming down from “the Midlands.” No problem, I thought, having done the journey many times, I know it shouldn’t be too bad and we have eight hours before they’re due on stage.

Ah, if only life was that simple. The true facts of the matter were that the Cheatles were still in bed recovering from a late finish the previous night and one of them, was indeed in Birmingham. The other three unfortunately were in Manchester.

This fact was not known to me and I became increasingly concerned as the Club filled up and the band still hadn’t shown! All I could get via the phone was “Don’t worry Rich, we’ll be there in time.”

And, true to their word, after a six hour drive, they arrived just before 8pm and were on stage by 9pm and the rest, as they say, is history - I didn’t hear any complaints by people who were disappointed that the original band didn’t appear!

The Alpine Roadshow seemed popular too and Paul has already been specially requested for a birthday party next year!

Anyone who knows me will appreciate that I am just about the worst person in the world to be handed a camera which explains why all my shots of the Cheatles are unusable and we have one of Sharon’s pictures on the previous page.

The good stuff didn’t stop there though, as the following week saw a first gig for Soul Intention. Despite a somewhat smaller crowd, the feedback I got was very encouraging and, for all those who asked, yes, we are looking at a return date next year.

Take a look at some of the other stuff we’ve got coming up, turn off Strictly the Joseph Factor and let’s make Saturday nights something special again!

Bavarian Night – Sat 26th September

The evening will be fancy dress and features Oompah band - Die Heidelberger Boys. The dress code has been relaxed for the evening so, pull on your lederhosen, don your brightest braces and place a feather in your jauntily angled hat and get down to some serious roistering!

The Eve of All Hallows!

Don’t forget to make a night of Halloween this year. As we’ve told you before, there will be an extension, fancy dress disco and entertainment from “The Mindboggler.” There will also be prizes up for grabs (probably beer, wine, spirits and cash) and, those in fancy dress will get first chance to win!

September

12th Laurence

19th Envy

Sun 20th Adagio (Lunch)

26th Bavarian Night with Die Heidelberger Boys

October

3rd The Bugattis

Sun 4th Alan Roberts (Lunch)

10th Coroma Disco

17th Filmed Race Night (Ext)

Sun 18th Paul Hammond (Lunch)

24th Blowin’ Free

31st Halloween – Fancy dress disco (Ext)

November

7th Phil Joseph

Sun 8th Adagio (Lunch)

14th Cookie Roadshow

21st Mista Beat

Sun 22nd Alan Roberts (Lunch)

28th Mudeford Crabs

December

5th Brian Moon and the Satellites

Sun 6th Paul Hammond (Lunch)

Thu 10th Ladies Darts presentation (Ext)

12th Cash Converted

19th Christmas draw

Sun 20th Lunchtime music TBC

Xmas Eve Coroma disco (Ext)

Boxing Day Charity Auction with Arfur Word

Mon 28th Filmed Race Night (Ext)

New Year’s Eve From BBC Radio – The Jason Dean Disco (Ext)

Phil Joseph (who was last here in June 2007) returns in November. Phil is a soul singer and went down very well last time.

Also in November, we have the first appearance of the Mudeford Crabs. They play stuff most of you will know but not the normal “same old” mix of club classics that we hear from every band. Expect classic rock tunes from artists such as Pink Floyd and Cream.

December sees our second tribute night of the year – this time for the Country fans it’s Cash Converted – who are (not surprisingly) a Johnny Cash tribute band and are said to be very good indeed.

Club information resources

There are now so many ways of getting Club information that perhaps it is time for a summary.

First and foremost, always check the notice board. Just about anything important will appear here and you can also get your copies of Newslink and your one month and three month entertainment lists to take away.

Now let’s go online …

(When trying to access any of these sites, make sure you type the address, exactly as shown, into the address bar of your browser (usually in the top left corner) and not into a Google (or other) search box!

First up is the Club website http://www.mudefordmens.co.uk/

Now, like so many things, this site is run by a volunteer and so sometimes, when things are busy it can be a bit “behind the times” and anyway, most of the content describes the Club to non-members. You can use a link from here to contact the Club (or Newslink) by email. There is an entertainment list and the “current” Newslink but these can be out of date, so see below for alternatives.

Secondly there is our Club Message Board located at http://mudefordmens.proboards.com/

You have to sign up to be a member but once you do, you can enjoy two way communication with other members or the Committees. The site carries Club news, items for sale, general chat, you name it. And if what you want isn’t there, ask, and if possible, it can be provided. Perhaps most importantly there is a calendar feature which will show details of all upcoming Entertainment for several months into the future.

Finally a new one – my blog. I thought that in order to be sure the latest Newslink was always available online, I would upload each copy here. Old issues are also included although many will not have any images due to technical difficulties (i.e. laziness).

This may be found at http://richleyshon.blogspot.com/

… and I apologise in advance for all the other ramblings, jokes, comedy poems etc that you may come across (but it’s all pretty clean – at the moment!)

Entertainments Committee

Would you be prepared to attend around 10 meetings a year and help to put on the events that we tend to take for granted?

If so then the Entertainments Committee would welcome your input. Open to all members and partners (come on girls) all we ask is that you speak your mind and are prepared to put in a few hours here and there – especially at this time of year with Charity Auction, Balloon Race etc. approaching.

For an informal chat, talk to Laurie Wilkinson, Roger Masterman, Mo Marshall, Ray Reddell, Norman Grindley, Sharon Morgan, Liz Westall, Mark Vassie or Richard Leyshon.

Coming soon …

The Christmas Draw – tickets are always on sale but expect to be poked in the ribs to cough up soon!

The start of the Christmas knockout competitions

Sep 19th – International Talk Like A Pirate Day – Arrrrrghhh!

Oct – Eddie Carr trophy

Check the notice board for details of the Childrens’ Christmas party and the annual pantomime trip.

The Grand Boxing Day Auction / Charity Month.

New Year’s Eve with BBC Radio’s Jason Dean

Not coming soon …

Ladies’ night. It would appear that a trip to see “That’ll be the day” didn’t make your day, with a total of three tickets sold. As a result, the event is cancelled for this year.

Ladies – if you have any ideas for an event you would like then please pass them on to Sharon Morgan or any member of the Entertainments Committee.

Last minute breaking news

Nick Coates and Kevin Hastings came 8th and 12th respectively in the regional finals of Redtooth poker league. Congratulations to them for this achievement.

Contact Newslink

Write to Newslink via the Club.

E-mail via the Club web site.

Call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxx.

New research could herald a solution to the energy crisis

For generations, scientists and engineers have sought out new, environmentally friendly and sustainable means to provide for the ever growing energy requirements of our planet. Many avenues have been explored: nuclear fission, cold fusion, wind, tide, solar, bio-fuels etc. but every currently available technology has its drawbacks on so the search continues for a new generation of clean energy.
However, new research carried out at the internationally renowned Bilsluth Institute suggests that the answer may lie within us – well, half of us anyway.

“The initial idea came to me in bed one evening” states Professor Ian Vendement, “whilst I was lying uncovered in bed due to the extreme heat we were experiencing. Meanwhile, my wife lay beside me shivering under a double layer of duvet.

“This got me thinking. I suddenly reaslised that many women also set heating controls to crazy levels about the home and workplace. And have you ever let a woman run a bath for you? If so, you’ll know the golden rule for men – do not allow any part of your body to come into contact with the water until several gallons of cold have been added.”

Thinking about the problem, Prof Vendement realised that the only feasible explanation would be if ladies’ body temperatures were actually lower than men’s and this, in turn, implied that this ‘missing’ heat must be extracted and stored somewhere.

Vendement explains “As we know, energy can be neither created nor destroyed so this missing thermal energy inside women had to be going somewhere. We soon realised from tests that it wasn’t escaping from the body so we deduced that there must be some kind of ‘thermal battery’ at work.”

Once this discovery had been made, locating the ‘thermal battery’ was simple. It would have to be an area separated from the trunk and well insulated so as to retain heat. The obvious answer – the head. And this would explain why, when measuring a female’s temperature in the mouth or ear, it appears normal – as the measuring device is now located much closer to the heat store.

As Vendement explains “Currently, all that heat is stored in the lady until she is 40 or 50 years old. At this point, nature decides to allow the heat to escape in a series of hot flushes and all that stored energy simply goes to waste.”

Vendement and his team have performed detailed calculations based around experimental work to establish the specific heat capacity of a female body, in order to estimate how much stored energy might be available to tap into.

The answer, the team believe, is that approximately one half of the planet’s energy requirements could be met by hot-headed women (although some allowance has to be made for ginger haired ladies – or ‘copper tops’ – as they will exhibit lower levels of thermal insulation resulting in a quantity of hot air escaping from them.

The big problem, of course would be how to tap into this free energy. One avenue of investigation is the use of modified hair driers – the kind that ladies sit inside at the salon. Instead of the current situation where the machine blows hot air at the head, it could be modified to suck instead. With enough suction, it is hoped that hot air from inside the subject’s head could be removed (drying the hair en-route) and captured within the device. This energy could then be employed to heat water to drive turbines or heat cities.

Research continues.