New research could herald a solution to the energy crisis

For generations, scientists and engineers have sought out new, environmentally friendly and sustainable means to provide for the ever growing energy requirements of our planet. Many avenues have been explored: nuclear fission, cold fusion, wind, tide, solar, bio-fuels etc. but every currently available technology has its drawbacks on so the search continues for a new generation of clean energy.
However, new research carried out at the internationally renowned Bilsluth Institute suggests that the answer may lie within us – well, half of us anyway.

“The initial idea came to me in bed one evening” states Professor Ian Vendement, “whilst I was lying uncovered in bed due to the extreme heat we were experiencing. Meanwhile, my wife lay beside me shivering under a double layer of duvet.

“This got me thinking. I suddenly reaslised that many women also set heating controls to crazy levels about the home and workplace. And have you ever let a woman run a bath for you? If so, you’ll know the golden rule for men – do not allow any part of your body to come into contact with the water until several gallons of cold have been added.”

Thinking about the problem, Prof Vendement realised that the only feasible explanation would be if ladies’ body temperatures were actually lower than men’s and this, in turn, implied that this ‘missing’ heat must be extracted and stored somewhere.

Vendement explains “As we know, energy can be neither created nor destroyed so this missing thermal energy inside women had to be going somewhere. We soon realised from tests that it wasn’t escaping from the body so we deduced that there must be some kind of ‘thermal battery’ at work.”

Once this discovery had been made, locating the ‘thermal battery’ was simple. It would have to be an area separated from the trunk and well insulated so as to retain heat. The obvious answer – the head. And this would explain why, when measuring a female’s temperature in the mouth or ear, it appears normal – as the measuring device is now located much closer to the heat store.

As Vendement explains “Currently, all that heat is stored in the lady until she is 40 or 50 years old. At this point, nature decides to allow the heat to escape in a series of hot flushes and all that stored energy simply goes to waste.”

Vendement and his team have performed detailed calculations based around experimental work to establish the specific heat capacity of a female body, in order to estimate how much stored energy might be available to tap into.

The answer, the team believe, is that approximately one half of the planet’s energy requirements could be met by hot-headed women (although some allowance has to be made for ginger haired ladies – or ‘copper tops’ – as they will exhibit lower levels of thermal insulation resulting in a quantity of hot air escaping from them.

The big problem, of course would be how to tap into this free energy. One avenue of investigation is the use of modified hair driers – the kind that ladies sit inside at the salon. Instead of the current situation where the machine blows hot air at the head, it could be modified to suck instead. With enough suction, it is hoped that hot air from inside the subject’s head could be removed (drying the hair en-route) and captured within the device. This energy could then be employed to heat water to drive turbines or heat cities.

Research continues.