Newslink June 2009

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for Mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that most formatting and some images are absent.

NEWSLINK
The Newsletter of the
Mudeford Men’s Club
June 2009


Exclusive - Committee expenses & allowances exposed!

Following a request made under the Freedom of Information Act, Newslink can now exclusively reveal details of the expenses and allowances claimed by the Committee.

First up is Treasurer Dave Hastings who has recently claimed £2,715 to recover his poker tables. In addition, he regularly claims for two burly security staff to protect him from angry members whenever he puts the beer prices up. This claim is submitted most months.

Your President, Laurie Wilkinson has, over the course of the last five years claimed almost £2,300 for Grecian 2000 but insists that this was a mistake as the rules relating to this expense are “a very grey area” – and he would like to put the events of those dark days behind him.

Secretary John Oliver has claimed £27,000 to have a moat built around his bungalow with a fully functioning drawbridge that will allow him easy access to the rear of the Club whilst keeping marauding members at bay.

Your Vice-president, Roger Masterman has claimed £83.20 in dental charges to have his tooth whitened and makes an annual claim of £22,000 against a bush near Stroud Lane that he sometimes uses as a second home, particularly after Pussyfoot dinners.

And it’s not just the Officers who are guilty. Clive Vassie has made a claim of £12.95 from Argos for an Action Man trouser press and Gordy Nash claimed £735 for a hair transplant. Unfortunately, there was some confusion at the clinic and he ended up being the donor and not the recipient.

Naturally Newslink disapproves greatly of this expenditure and I have volunteered to go on a fact finding mission to other clubs in the Christchurch area (Christchurch New Zealand that is) to see how things are done there. Now, where’s that expense form?

And let’s not let the bankers off scot free …
With great foresight, Tom Sharpe published “The Midden” in 1996. Timothy Bright comes from a hugely wealthy and privileged family but, not being the cleverest of lads, has just failed all of his exams.

“’Bang goes your chance of Cambridge, my boy,’ his Uncle Fergus told him when the results arrived … ‘There’s nothing for it now. You’ll have to go into banking. I’ve known an awful lot of fools who’ve done remarkably well in banking. It apparently doesn’t require any real thought. I remember your Great-Uncle Harold was put into banking and you couldn’t wish for a bigger fool. Dear fellow, as I remember him, but definitely short of the neurons for anything else. Not to put too fine a point on it, I’d say in the modern jargon that he was so mentally challenged that it took him twenty minutes to do up his tie.’”

In the news …

Shelagh Spence completed London Marathon in 5 hours 46 minutes in aid of Cancer Research. Congratulations to Shelagh and any other members who completed this marvellous feat.

Shelagh with her well deserved medal

Clubland - Karen Burke (25) has been elected President of the Rochdale Labour Club with over two thirds of the votes and is the youngest president in the history of the Labour and Socialist Clubs ...

Elections 2009

Firstly, congratulations to Kim Nicholls who was elected to Main Committee along with a number of the existing members who stood for another term.

Mark Roper stood down from Entertainments Secretary after many years of excellent service. There then followed a comical series of events during which I claimed the record of the shortest serving Ents Sec ever – being given the job on the Wednesday (when it was decided that there were no other candidates) and being stripped of the title by the following Monday (when it was decided that Sharon Morgan was indeed eligible to stand!)

Anyway, we did eventually have the election and I managed to scrape it in a close contest and I know that if Sharon decides to stand again in the future, she will do a great job.

Sports and games news

Snooker 1 – The Frank Selleck Trophy
Having made a clean sweep of all the competitions last year, the Mudeford snooker players charitably decided to allow Southbourne to borrow the Frank Selleck Trophy for year.

The match was however, not short of excitement as Mudeford recovered from an 8-2 deficit from the away leg to bring the match back to 9-8 before finally succumbing when we lost a game of doubles on the last black.

Bernie Pitcher and Rob Boulton try hard to look pleased as they hand over the trophy.

Snooker 2 – Lawrence Millington
“Lawrence Millington of Mudeford Men’s Club became the first person from the W C Clark Snooker League second division to win the Ian Cryer Open Competition.
In the final of the one-day event at the Greenbridge Snooker Club, Millington beat Richard Lee of Winton Con.”

Poker
The poker League was won by the shy and retiring Richard Thomas who led from start to finish. In the final (contested by the top finishers in the league) it was Paul Meade who triumphed and took away the generous cash prize.

Using a super hi-speed lens, we captured this image which appears to show Richard not speaking!

Paul receives his cheque from the President and the Tournament Director Joey Hastings

Mudeford Men’s Golf Society Update

The Golf Society got off to a good year with a pleasant warm afternoon at Moors Valley in March, with the winner Peter Chatfield returning a score of 32 points. Crane Valley followed in April, with another surprisingly good day for weather. Peter turned in another star performance to win with 38 points on the par 72 course, and has now been cut to 14 handicap!

Future events are all planned, with Dibden Purlieu on the 26th June, followed by the highly recommended Manor Course at Bramshaw on the 31st July. Both of these are new courses for the Mudeford Society.

Our annual match against Southbourne Ex-Servicemen’s is scheduled for Bulbury Woods on Friday 28th August. Let’s hope we can continue the winning run we started last year. Any members interested in playing in any of these Golf Days should ensure that they put their name on the list in the Men’s Bar.

The 2009 season will be rounded off with a day in September, venue to be arranged.

John Oliver
Secretary

Cricket - Who’s playing at the Rec?

2009 Saturday and Sunday fixtures at the Rec:

Date
Match
Sat 6 June
2nds v Bransgore
Sat 13 June
1sts v Midhurst
Sun 14 June
Iwerne & Fontmell
Sat 20 June
2nds v United Services III
Sat 27 June
1sts v Bramshaw
Sat 4 July
2nds v Portchester II
Sat 11 July
1sts v Locks Heath
Sun 12 July
Broadstone
Sat 18 July
2nds v Nomansland
Sat 25 July
1sts v Ryde
Sun 26 July
Ashmore
Sat 1 Aug
2nds v Hyde
Sat 8 Aug
1sts v South Wilts II
Sun 9 Aug
Winton Sports
Sat 15 Aug
2nds v Hamble ASSC II
Sat 22 Aug
1sts v Portsmouth II
Sun 23 Aug
Gillingham
Sat 29 Aug
2nds v Colden Common
Sun 30 Aug
SHerborne


Entertainment news

Having taken on the onerous role of trying to follow Mark Roper as Ents Sec, I was going to ask you all to give me some feedback about what acts you would like to see on Saturday nights at the Club. You beat me to it and I have been inundated with recommendations and a number of these have been booked.

Last night (Sat 30th May) saw a packed Club give a great reception to State of Undress. The band enjoyed themselves too and we will try to get them back next year. Some other new names coming up this year include:

Wigan Brian (Motown and Northern Soul DJ who packs out the Opera House)
Soul Intention – great soul band with a brass section
The Mudeford Crabs (local band playing classic rock)
Cash Converted – very busy Johnny Cash tribute band
Hopefully another great tribute band for Aug or September – watch this space!
Keep an eye open too for Halloween where we’ve got something “different” in mind!
By the time you read this, we should hopefully also have a “Suggestions Box” in the lounge for you to recommend acts or give us some feedback on current acts. It’s your club so don’t be shy with your ideas!

One to get you started – a number of people have told me they would prefer it if Dinner Dance did not have a comedy act, just more time for dancing. What do you think? Comments in the box please.

Sat 20th June will see an experimental mini-bingo session when the artist (Alan Roberts) takes his half time break at about 9:45.

There will be three games with at least £100 guaranteed for one of the full houses. Three full books of six will cost £1.80 and tickets will be on sale from 8:45pm. Be early if you want a seat.

June

6th
Brian Moon and the Satellites
Sun 7th
Paul Hammond
13th
Ian Woolley Disco
20th
Alan Roberts + Bingo
Sun 21st
Colin Lann
27th
Pussyfoot Dinner (sold out)
July

3rd
Coroma Disco
4th
Mista Beat
Sun 5th
Paul Hammond
11th
Cookie Roadshow
18th
Blowin' Free
Sun 19th
Adagio
25th
Wigan Brian Disco (Motown and Northern Soul)


August

1
Filmed Race Night
8
Coroma Disco
15
TBC
22
Soul Intention
29
Jason Dean Disco
(from BBC Radio)
And before anyone shouts “Nepotism!” – I would just like to point out that the Mista Beat gig in July was booked before we had a change of Entertainments Secretary!!!

And don’t forget, if you have a birthday party or anniversary coming up on a Saturday, the raised area in the lounge can be booked for the event. Your guests will benefit from cheap beer and free entertainment and Gordon and Jacqui can provide food at a very reasonable price. What have you got to lose?

AGM 18th March 2009

Ninety five of the 1,500 members managed to make an appearance for this year’s AGM. It was revealed that a loss had been made but, given the economic climate, there was little cause for concern and the Club is doing far better than most.

Life memberships awarded to Dave Sweetman and Terry Parker were met with warm appreciation from the members present.

Your letters and emails

As the only contributor, Rob Boulton wins first prize (and £10 to spend over the bar) for this article he found.

The ironic thing about this article is the way it has been a victim of the very “modern thinking” that it attacks. When it was originally written, it also contained a comment about “mothers breast feeding with a fag in their mouths” but such a reference is clearly deemed unacceptable nowadays!

I can’t believe you made it.
Looking back it’s hard to believe we have lived as long as we have …

As children, we would ride around in cars with no seatbelts or airbags.

When we rode our bikes we had no helmets.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us. No mobile phones. Unthinkable.
We got cut and broke bones, and there were nolawsuits. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?
We had fights and got black and blue and learnt to get over it.

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter and drank fizzy drinks, but we were never overweight … we were always outside playing.

Not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment … Some pupils weren’t as smart as others so they failed an exam. Horrors.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

We did not have PlayStations, video games, cable, DVDs, mobile phones, PCs, Internet chatrooms … we had friends. We went outside and found them. We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s home and knocked on the door, or just walked in and talked to them.

Imagine such a thing. Without asking a parent! Out there in the cold cruel world! Without a guardian. How did we survive?

Coming soon …

27th June – Pussyfoot Dinner. All the tickets sold out on the night and we even had to lay on an extra table. A recent record will be set when we (hopefully!) serve 123 people!

July 25th – Ascot trip. Keep an eye on the board for dates of ticket sales.

Sun 6th September - Marrow Competition
Get those seeds sewn! Most of the usual categories, as normal. This year we will have a men only competition (sorry ladies no helping them!) – six fairy cakes to be judged on taste and decoration.

Open to everyone – this year’s floral arrangement should be presented in a wine glass.

Also, could you please pay your entry fees in advance. Last year about half the money was collected on the day. If we have the cash in advance, we can spend it on more and better prizes!

Contact Newslink

Write to Newslink via the Club.
E-mail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx or via
the Club web site.Or call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink March 2009

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for Mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that images and formatting are absent. Can you spot all 34 song titles included in the text - or even a few that were accidental? NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club March 2009 The times they are a-changin’! The Committee has decided to make some exciting changes to the opening times of the Club to provide an improved service to the members including earlier weekday opening and some all day sessions too. Check the notice board for some news very soon … You say “Goodbye” and I say “Hello” I’m sure we were all equally saddened to hear that after eight years with the Club, Assistant Steward Judy Janes decided to move on to pastures new. In recognition for her services, Judy was a guest of honour at the 2009 Dinner Dance. We all wish her well in her new career. Replacing Judy is our very own Rob Boulton and we wish him every success in his new role. Also, it looks like Mark Roper may not stand for another term as Entertainments Officer. If this is the case, a big “Thankyou” to Mark for all his years of hard and successful work. Dance away The 2009 Annual Dinner Dance was another huge success with numbers increased following the good reviews of the 2008 event. Honoured guests were Don and Wendy Kearley, Judy Janes and Richard House, Alan Mills and Julie Porter. The hair might not work, but Gordy Nash can still Grow balloons out of his head! Last Christmas Another hugely successful Christmas Draw with a new format this time. In addition to the hundreds of usual prizes there were also three star prizes. This meant that one night of number drawing was saved. Unfortunately this was the night when all my numbers would have come out … Another successful ram-raid by the Committee You take me up Simon says “Arms up” Once again passing Aircraft had to take their chances as they flew through the technicolour storm that is Balloon Race. That’s cheating Mr. Griffiths This year’s winning ticket made it to Hamburg and the lucky winner, Shelly Allen received £50 as her reward. The race raised around £300 for our charity fund. A little help from my friends Once again, thanks to our generous members, we presented cheques totalling £4,000 to local good causes in a ceremony held at the club on Sunday 1st March 2009. This money was collected at the Boxing Day auction, the Balloon Race, the collection boxes on the bar and various raffles and draws held over the festive period. The recipients of this year’s money were as follows: Mudeford RNLI (£250) in support of their ongoing commitments which will soon include providing lifeguards on We all knew the President was drowning in money … local beaches. The Friends of Christchurch Hospital (£500) who are renovating and bringing back into service wards that had been earmarked for closure. Christchurch Day Centre (£750) to provide improvements for the residents’ dining room. The Macmillan Unit at Christchurch Hospital (£1000) which has provided care for many members of the Club over the years. First Opportunities (£500) is a unit based at Ashley Junior School - to help with providing an outdoor play area and a “sensory room” for children with physical and learning disabilities The Fortune Centre of Riding Therapy (£1000) to assist with the purchase of a new pony for use by children and young adults with physical and learning disabilities. Club President, Laurie Wilkinson stated: “It is a great privilege to be associated with Mudeford Men’s Club on a day like this. Our members, like everyone else, are feeling the effects of the economic climate and yet, they have once again shown extreme generosity in raising this magnificent sum of money. I would like to thank them all, and also the organisers of the various fundraising events and the many local businesses who provided donations for us to auction on Boxing Day.” Here’s an example of just what makes MMC such a special place. Jeff Morgan won a Christmas cake in the Christmas Draw. Jeff donated it back to the Club to raffle. Hugh Barrie won it in the raffle and donated it back to be auctioned. He then ended up bidding and buying it himself! Then he got Judy to cut the cake up and sell it piece by piece and he even paid for a slice himself! Thanks to Jeff and Hugh, that cake raised £85 for the charity fund! We are the champions The conquering heroines (Jean, Joan, Denise and Julia) “Wake me up before you go-go” Over 60s snooker - Dec 2008 This year saw (arguably) the best standard of snooker for several years. Charles Denney was attempting to win both singles and doubles for the third consecutive year but was foiled in both efforts by his nemesis (and former doubles partner) Don King. However, the Denney - Elwood partnership was not to be denied completely as Ken Ellwood triumphed to take the singles title from an in-form Dave North in a hard fought match. Roger attempts to run off with Ken Ellwood’s trophy In the doubles, it was the pairing of Brian Croft and Eddie King who lifted the trophy with Stan Cording and Don King runners up. Doubles champs - sponsored by the Salvation Army Sloe Gin Competition – Dec 2008 This year’s event was won by six clear points by Mo Marshall. Hugh Jones and Albert Raven shared second place with John Davies coming 4th. The President would also like to present the “Memory Award” to Eric Jesty who made some sloe gin but forgot the competition was on! Finals Night - Dec 2008 The President thanked Phil Marchi for all his hard work organising the events and paid tribute to the Lady Members who this year did extremely well and picked up several trophies. Richard Thomas also thanked the ladies for not taking part in the billiards and snooker! Crib singles Winner: Bernie Pitcher Runner up: Norman Grindley Crib doubles Winners: Laurie Wilkinson & Jeff Arnold Runners up: Dave Sexton & Bob Read Dominoes singles Winner: Jeff Arnold Runner up: Julia Brolan Dominoes doubles Winners: Jean Ellwood & Joan Pinfield Runners up: Denise Hayes & Julia Brolan Billiards Winner: Richard Thomas Runner up: Chris Beavis Snooker Winner: Tim Morgan Runner up: John Challen Darts singles Winner: Gary Howlett Runner up: Martin Wood Darts doubles Winners: Gary Howlett & Luke Ramsier Runners up: Martin Wood & Craig Jones In-house poker league The in house league has gone from strength to strength with 30+ players now turning up every week. Competition is fierce and, at the time of writing, there is one week left to decide places for the final. Check the notice board for further details. Good luck to everyone (except those that are in direct competition with me for a final table seat!) Redtooth Regional Poker Finals – Portsmouth – by Phil Marchi Three players who qualified from MMC attended the Redtooth Regional Final at Portsmouth on 1st March along with two other regular MMCplayers who had qualified via the Southbourne Cliffs league. Approximately 100 players were at the event hoping to be the next Phil Helmuth and a chance to progress to the National Final at Nottingham and have their picture taken with Abi Titmuss & Jimmy White. Funnily enough, Jimmy White came a distant second in that popularity contest!! Richard Thomas received his trophy as league winner from the club but unfortunately was the first of us to go out - due to a lack of patience and pushing the boat out too far. Greg Lisk & Neil Haskell fared better but eventually joined Richard at the bar!! Big Kev Hastings managed to make it to the final two tables but just fell short after being involved in some big hands. Congratulations to Phil Marchi who managed to make it onto the final table but in eighth position and with the fewest chips by far this was a short lived experience.All in all it was a thoroughly great day out and a couple of special mentions are deserved for making it so. Firstly to MMC's number one fan Joe Hastings who came along to support us. Those of you who know Joe will agree he is a great sport and he contributed hugely in making it a memorable day out. (By all accounts, Joey was totally bushed – Ed) Finally and most importantly, many thanks to Dave Hastings who organised the day and drove us all to the event in the minibus. As the poker players at the club know, Dave organises and puts a lot of work into the poker scene at MMC and this has been the reason for its huge success. By the time this article goes out I'm sure you will have heard all the bad beat stories! Winter snooker league An in house league is proposed to run from October to March on a Tuesday or Thursday evening. If interested, see the notice board in the Mens’ Bar and put your name down. The letter A touching letter of thanks to the members from Lyn Hastings who receives this issue’s £10 worth of drinks over the bar. Dear Mr. Editor, I would be extremely grateful if you could publish a big Thank You message in the next Newsletter. My Family is currently going through a very sad and tragic time due to our wonderfully brave Daughter-in-Law, Nikki Hastings, being diagnosed with widespread terminal cancer. My Daughter, Leanne, and I decided to raise funds to pay for my Son, Kev, and our Daughter-in-Law to go to New York for a long weekend as this is Nikki's chosen destination that she would most like to visit. With the permission of the Committee I placed a box of handcrafted Greetings Cards, made by myself and my Daughter, on the Bar in the Lounge and was amazed at the generosity of the Members who purchased our cards and often placed much larger donations than was suggested. I couldn't make the cards quick enough at one point during the two weeks when it was on the bar! They are now planning their trip for the beginning of April and they also have a short break holiday booked at Centre Parks in March when they will take their two little girls, Leah (4) and Megan (2) to make lots of happy family memories for the girls’ future. I know my two little Grand-Daughters will benefit greatly from these special times.I would like each and everyone of our fellow Members and Friends, who made a donation, to accept my heartfelt thanks for their kindness and generosity and it bought a ray of sunshine into what has been, and continues to be, quite dark and sad days for my Family. Some times when watching our National News it is easy to forget that there are still an awful lot of kind and good people in this World. Fondest regards, Lyn Hastings And it wouldn’t be the same without a contribution from Rick Wood who wins a pint. This month he has sent us a list of things genuinely typed by NHS secretaries in Glasgow. As it was rather long, here are the highlights. · The patient has no previous history of suicides. · Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. · Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. · Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. · On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. · The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. · Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission. · She is numb from her toes down. · Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. · Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. · Skin: somewhat pale, but present. · Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities · When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. · The skin was moist and dry. · Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. · Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. · The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. · She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. That’s entertainment 14th March Greg Suggitt's Roar with Laughter Show 21st March Super Simmo’s Disco Sun 22nd March Paul Hammond 28th March TBA 4th April The Bugattis Band Sun 5th April Adagio 11th April Des Law Sounds (Bank Holiday) 18th April Blowin' Free Band Sun 19th April Paul Hammond 25th April Adagio 2nd May The Pete Mitchell Disco Experience (Bank Holiday) 9th May Filmed Race Night (10 Races) 16th May Envy Band 23rd May Football Club Presentation Night with BBC Radio Solent’s Jason Dean Disco (Bank Holiday) 30th May TBA 6th June Brian Moon and the Satellites 13th June The Silky Sounds of Phil Joseph 20th June Alan Roberts – Solo Entertainer Fri 26th June Men’s Darts Presentation Night with Coroma Disco 27th June Pussyfoot Gentlemen’s Evening with Russ Williams Don’t you forget about me … · AGM 8pm Wednesday 18th March · Committee elections – nomination sheets now available. Voting for President, Vice-president, Treasurer and Entertainments Officer from 26-28 March. Voting for Committee Members 2nd – 4th April. · Frank Sellick Trophy – 2nd April (home) and 14th April (away). · Grand Easter Egg Draw Call me (or write or email) Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx or via the Club web site.Or call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink Christmas 2008

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for Mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that images and formatting are absent.

Also note that this is an extended version and not the one actually published. However, without the images, you won't see why it had to be edited!!!

NEWSLINK
The Newsletter of the
Mudeford Men’s Club
December 2008


Revamp rejected!

As Paul Weller (almost) said “Lights stay on, walls don’t come tumbling down” – members decide now is not the time to renovate the Club. Full details inside.

Insert your own caption here – I want to continue to get served in the future!



Queen’s Speech – Equalities Bill

The Equalities Bill survived pruning to the Queen’s Speech (3rd December 2008) and is scheduled (probably) for the coming session of Parliament.

This is an extract from chapter 12 (“Private Clubs and Associations”) of the consultation paper (“Discrimination Law Review”) produced by the Equalities Office prior to being passed into law.

12.12 If private clubs do have both men and women as members, we propose to make it unlawful for them to discriminate on grounds of sex against their members, associates, applicants for membership or
their guests. We have for many years encouraged clubs to address this issue voluntarily, but we continue to receive numerous representations from women club members who experience blatant sex discrimination because some private clubs still limit women members’ access to activities and benefits, and treat them as “second class members”. We cannot see any justification for this.

Terror from the skies in Mudeford!

November saw the ugly face of terrorism taint quaint Mudeford. In what is thought to be an Al Qaeda masterminded plot, evil terrorists allegedly seized control of a model aircraft being flown near the Quay and crashed it into the new apartments forming part of the Avonmouth Hotel development (Iridium Crescent), leading to the subsequent collapse of the building. Iridium incidentally, is a very dense, highly brittle metallic element with many highly unstable isotopes.

Speaking for the builders (Midas), project manager Mr. Seamus Rubble allegedly stated that “Ah to be sure, there’s no way we could have predicted this. We built on some of the firmest marsh land you’ll ever find next to a harbour. And to be fair, it was a big model plane too, probably a 747.”

However, Intelligence sources suspect that the attack could have had an altogether different motive. A theory exists that it could have been the result of a disgruntled hotel employee seeking revenge for the fact that the new restaurant franchise was given to chef Gary Rhodes, rather than an existing member of the kitchen staff.

Less Islamic, more Balsamic Fundamentalism.
A grainy CCTV picture of a possible suspect has been released and anyone with any information on this swarthy looking character should contact the authorities immediately.


Christmas opening times

Date
Lunch
Evening
Sat 20th Dec
11:00 – 3:00
6:00 – 12:00
Sun 21st Dec
12:00 – 3:00
7:00 – 11:00
Mon 22nd Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 11:00
Tue 23rd Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 12:00
Wed 24th Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 12:00
Thu 25th Dec
11:30 – 1:30
Closed
Fri 26th Dec
11:00 – 4:00
Closed
Sat 27th Dec
11:00 – 3:00
6:00 – 12:00
Sun 28th Dec
12:00 – 3:00
7:00 – 11:00
Mon 29th Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 11:00
Tue 30th Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 11:00
Wed 31st Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 01:00
Thu 1st Jan
11:00 – 4:00
Closed
Entertainment update

December

Sat 6th
DJ Langer
Sat 13th
Brian Moon and the Satellites
Sat 20th
Christmas draw (Ext)
Christmas Eve
Coroma disco
Boxing Day
Arfur Word
Sat 27th
Filmed race night
New Year’s Eve
Cookie Roadshow


January

Sat 3rd
Social Evening
Sun 4th
Adagio
Sat 10th
Envy
Sat 17th
Jason Dean Disco (BBC Radio)
Sun 18th
Paul Hammond
Sat 24th
TBA
Sat 31st
Pete Mitchell Experience


February

Sat 7th
Filmed Race Night
Sat 14th
Adagio
Sat 21st
TBA
Sun 22nd
Paul Hammond
Sat 28th
Des Law Sounds


March

Fri 6th
Dinner and Dance, Hoburne
Brian Moon and the Satellites
Sat 7th
Social Evening
Sun 8th
Adagio
Sat 14th
TBA
Sat 21st
TBA
Sun 22nd
Paul Hammond
Sat 28th
Super Simmo Disco

Sports and games news

Poker
Autumn saw the commencement of the first Club Texas Hold ‘Em poker league (Wednesdays, 8pm). This has proved to be a huge success with even more players expected for the next season. A really big “Well done” to Treasurer Dave Hastings for all his hard work and organisation.

In case you don’t know, players pay £5 a week to play and there is a cash prize each week for the winner and the top six finishers score league points. You can join the league at any time and you don’t have to play every week.

As the league entered its final week, it was neck and neck at the top of the table between Ben Woodhouse and Kevin Hastings with both Nick Coates and Rob Boulton also in a position of being able to win the league title.

Ben eventually did the best of the four contenders, coming second to Harry Sloper who became the only person to win twice in the league.

So Ben won the title and a cash prize with some bottle prizes awarded to the other leading finishers.

At the other end of the table, James Blackshaw needed a good finish to score enough points to qualify for the “Final” where the top 16 finishers in the league would compete for the big money.

James did well and got through at the expense of an unlucky Jeff Morgan.

The final was competed the following week and it was Richard Leyshon who claimed the title. Jeff Cossey came second after a long “heads up” session in which he didn’t get the best of cards. Ben Woodhouse took the third cash prize and some bottles were awarded to the other players who made it to the final table.

Finally, to finish off the first season, there was a “Heads up” competition on 19th November in which players compete, one on one, in a knockout format. Richard Thomas won this event, overcoming Paul Meade in the final.

With so many winners, you are probably wondering “Where are the pictures?” Well, there is now a digital camera on standby in the Club for such events, and pictures were indeed taken. And as soon as Laurie provides me with a geniunely idiot proof guide, we may get some usable pictures. I really didn’t think a double exposure was possible with a digital camera! Trust me, it is.

Snooker – Eddie Carr Trophy
This year’s Eddie Carr snooker trophy was won by Lawrence Millington. Last year’s winner, Chris Beavis was second.



2008 charity fundraising

The charities selected as beneficiaries for this year’s fundraising are as follows, in no particular order:

The Fortune Centre of Riding Therapy.
To help towards the cost of a new, specially trained pony to be used with children with physical and learning disabilities.
Christchurch Day Centre
To provide much needed improvements to the dining room including the installation of a sound system.

First Opportunities (based in Ashley Junior School). The unit helps children with physical and learning disabilities and the money will be used towards expanding their “Sensory Room” and building a canopy over the outdoor play area.

The Macmillan Unit at Christchurch Hospital needs no explanation and we will all be aware of members who have received their care.

The Friends of Christchurch Hospital
To assist with their ongoing projects.

Mudeford RNLI – our annual donation.

As ever, there will be many fundraising activities over the festive period including the ever popular Charity Auction on Boxing Day. As you can imagine, donations are rather hard to find in the current economic climate so if you or your company can donate something to auction off, please see a member of the Entertainments Committee or simply ask behind the bar and they will point you in the right direction.

EGM Wed 26th November

A good turn out of 155 members debated the proposed alterations to the Club and eventually agreed not to proceed at the present time.

Emotions ran high and a great many views were expressed so I will try and give what I believe is a reasonable and balanced interpretation with apologies if anyone disagrees:

With a few exceptions, the membership in general, supports improvements to the club
The members are concerned about the effects of the current financial crisis and how it will impact on us
There was some concern as to whether the improvements to facilities would, on their own, increase the bar takings by the amount required to pay off the proposed loan that would fund the work
Some members felt that they should have been presented with more than one option for the re-design. One particularly interesting suggestion from the floor was that perhaps the toilet block could be moved “backwards” into the current cellar to create an enlarged L shaped lounge.
There was concern in some quarters that having an additional room which could be used for functions would lead to hoards of unruly children in the Club (although an EGM would be required before they could be allowed in anyway.)

The overall decision was that the Committee should present members with a range of options in the not too distant future where the effects of the credit crunch on our business are clearer.

My two pennerth
These views are entirely my own and in no way reflect the views of the Committee or any Officials of the Club. If this doesn’t get some letters for the next edition, nothing will. Please do write, whether you agree or not.

If past generations had adopted a “do nothing” attitude, we would have no club today.
I would recommend reading Club Mirror magazine where several clubs are visited and their management interviewed, every month. The picture that emerges is that it is the clubs that provide the best facilities that do the best.
All the figures discussed at the meeting were based on a loan over a ten year period. If we are concerned about the extra takings required to pay it off then perhaps we could look at a 15 or 20 year loan.
Having a function room, if there is space is a great bonus. Forget about screaming kids in wedding receptions, that won’t happen. But it would provide a quiet room for members during entertainment or bingo and a venue for members wishing to host small gatherings whether it be a birthday, anniversary or even a wake.
Doncaster Trade Union and Labour Club has a number of rooms that it hires out for office space and for meeting rooms. This earns them £100,000 a year. Imagine having a function room that we hired out once or twice a week to local businesses as a meeting room for £250 a time. Add on to this what would be spent on food and drinks and it could almost pay for the refurbishment on its own!
A plan of this type cannot be viewed in isolation and ought to be brought to the members in conjunction with a well thought out membership drive. In my opinion we should try and have Under 21 teams for any sport you can name. Get them involved with the club from a young age.
Why do we stick to the idea of only admitting new members once a year? If someone wants to join (and we accept them) then why on earth wait for anything up to a whole year before we let them spend their money over our bar?

Stay in touch and win a bottle!

We know that a great many members have email and those that have made their addresses known to the Club will be aware that Secretary John Oliver sends out occasional notices to ensure members are aware of any important events.

A lot of you however are keeping your email addresses to yourselves. So, this year, when you come to pay your subs, why not have your name and email address written on a piece of paper and John will then add it to his list. And, if more encouragement was needed, there’s a rumour that it could win you a bottle of something warming.


Your letters & emails

It’s another big contribution from Rick Wood this month and he again wins the £10 worth of drinks. Firstly, please read the serious warning about a scam then learn some fascinating facts from
Mudeford’s very own answer to QI.
SCAM WARNING
Can you circulate this around especially as Christmas is fast approaching - it has been confirmed by Royal Mail. The Trading Standards Office are making people aware of the following scam:
A card is posted through your door from a company called PDS (Parcel Delivery Service) suggesting that they were unable to deliver a parcel and that you need to contact them on 0906 6611911 (a premium rate number). DO NOT call this number, as this is a mail scam originating from Belize.
If you call the number and you start to hear a recorded message you will already have been billed £15 for the phone call.
Please advise family members/Friends.

VERY INTERESTING STUFF In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.Coca-Cola was originally green.It is impossible to lick your elbow. (Not if you have a chain saw it isn’t – Ed)Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts – Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander, the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?A. ObsessionQ. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. HoneyIn Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
(Try it if you dare! – Ed)At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

And a drink goes to Liz for this (brace yourselves gentlemen).

Dear Sir,

Having just heard the Queen’s Speech regarding the Equality Bill I would just like to point out that it will not take ANY building alterations to comply with, what will be, the law. All it will take is a handy person with a screw driver to remove the offending notice on the bar door!

Liz Westall


Events you’ve already missed …

Wincanton pub crawl race trip by Jeff Arnold
This trip first started ten tears ago and has been continued due to popular demand. The Club ran this year’s outing to the National Hunt meeting at Wincanton on 9th October. The prayer mats worked as the weather was like a summer’s day. On the way to the track we stopped at The Half Moon at Horsington, which is a proper village pub serving good food and even better real ale! Leaving after one and a half hours the only complaint was from Dave Sweetman who claimed the venison was two deer!!

At the track the going was perfect for racing plus good sized fields. Having to leave the bar every half an hour to watch a race was a slight inconvenience but we survived! The day was rounded off with a stop at the White Horse at Downton before returning to the Club. Nobody admitted to winning much money but it was still a really good day out. Looking forward to the same next year.

Cabaret night – 29th November
A good sized crowd enjoyed the welcome return of the Cabaret Night. Jason Dean hosted the event (catch him in the Club in January) and in addition to a disco there was a male vocalist (Jenks) and some well received comedy from four-piece act, Xerox, whom many members have expressed a desire to see again. Indeed Dinner Dance ‘09 was mentioned but a certain Committee member (I shalln’t embarrass His Lordship by naming him) had already booked them for another function that night!

Don’t miss these …

Kids Christmas Party – 13th December

Grand Christmas Draw – 18th-20th December. With hundreds of prizes, as ever, but this year, also with one star prize drawn each night!

Over 60s snooker – 18th and 19th December. Can Charles Denney make it three consecutive wins in the singles and doubles with partner Ken Ellwood?

Sloe gin competition – Sunday 21st December if the sloe shortage doesn’t scupper it!

Boxing Day Auction – in aid of our nominated charities. Come and grab a bargain. 1pm start.

Children’s pantomime – 3rd January to see Peter Pan at the Pavilion.

Annual balloon race – Sun 11th January, weather permitting.


Contact info:

Next issue: March - unless something big happens
Write to: Newslink via the Club.
E-mail via www.mudefordmens.co.uk

Newslink September 2008

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for Mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that images and formatting are absent. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club September 2008 Medal success for Mudeford! Forget the Olympics- the real news is that MMC has been winning things left right and centre. In just a few short weeks we have won our annual matches against Southbourne Ex Services in snooker, golf and bowls! Not only that, but since the last Newslink there have been many other success stories for the Club. The Pussyfoot Dinner was thought to be one best in recent memory, if not ever. Pussyfoot – June 2008 Ladies Night this year involved a trip to see “Joseph” in Bournemouth and reports state that it was a brilliant night. We can’t forget the annual jolly to Ascot and of course the Marrow Competition - and we’ve even had some submissions to Newslink! Sadly though, you will be aware that we recently lost Ken Falla, a man with many years of dedicated service to the Club as both President and Secretary. We don’t normally do obituaries as, sadly, there would be room for little else, but, on this occasion, by special request of the Committee, Laurie would like to say a few words about Ken and his contribution. “A wonderful work colleague and friend, Ken was President twice and then secretary for 10 years – a feat which I doubt will be surpassed. I remember my last AGM as Vice-President, in Ken’s speech he said that he loved the work he did for MMC and its members and, if he started his life over, he would do it all again. He never stopped working for the club, his last piece of craftsmanship being the Charity Board that is on the wall in the lounge bar. Ken was a true gentleman; I was proud to be his friend and will miss him greatly, as I am sure many members will. Rest in Peace.” Bowls – by Eric Jesty - “IT’S BACK!” The annual bowls match with Southbourne Ex Service Club was played on the 15th June 2008, for the first leg, and the 17th August 2008 for the second. A great turn around this year, the first leg was won by 33. This was a wonderful effort by all players, and a good morning was had by all. The second leg was closer, 83/83. So thanks to the 33 lead in the first leg, the Toucher Trophy comes back to Mudeford where it was made by that master with a piece of wood, Albert Raven. My thanks to the club for sponsoring the match, and my thanks to all the players for their support. (Well played). The victorious bowlers Looking forward to next year and bringing the trophy back again. PS The trophy will be presented in the club later. Bob Sellick forgot to get it from the engravers! Golf by John Oliver The Golf Society, now in it’s second year, continues to make good progress. In April, on a blustery afternoon 19 members played the testing Knighton Heath course. The Winner was Howard Knight with 37 points. A good score under the difficult conditions. Winner of the nearest the pin was Ian Thomson and the longest drive went to newcomer Mike Snow. Mark Roper, Fred Sadler and Paul Sadler about to tee off In June the Society played Meyrick Park, again on a blustery day. Excellent scoring, and our erudite Social Secretary, Mark Roper come home first with an enterprising 33 points. Despite a 2 shot cut to his handicap, Mark again won the day at Moors Valley in July, with an outstanding score of 42 points (which will lead to a further 4 shot reduction to his handicap!) Update - 28th August 2008 After a good summer of golf the Mudeford Members excelled themselves with a splendid win, on August 22nd at Dudsbury, against the ‘Old Enemy’ – Southbourne Ex-Servicemen’s Club. On a splendidly warm, sunny afternoon, 12 members of each Club tee’d off for a 4 ball better ball contest. The result was a win for the MMC 4 games to 2. So the MMC regained the trophy lost to Southbourne in 2007 and it will now grace our trophy cabinet for the next year. The golf Society continues to grow in numbers and welcomes all new members from the Club. The final day of the 2008 season will be at Bulbury Woods on the 19th September, when members will play an 18 holes competition, and after lunch a further 9 hole contest. This will round up the excellent year for the Golf Society, with bigger things in the pipeline for 2009. Darts – by Paul Groves At the end of June Mudeford b darts team and Southbourne Ex Servicemen’s Club 5 a side football team (plus a few others) got together for a weekend in Magaluf Majorca. This was to celebrate a few 40th birthdays and a 50th birthday (no names no embarrassment) Great time was had by all with a mixed age group all coming together for a great weekend, 18 of us in all went. We were even out there for the Euro 2008 final and of coarse we all cheered for the Spanish to win, couldn't see a German for toffee after the defeat. but a great night, those Spanish know how to celebrate, major lack of sleep that night. The older ones of us took a week to get over it!!!!! In the photo you can see some well know faces even a committee member can be seen. Marrow Competition Sunday 7th September saw the annual Marrow Competition. It was another great lunchtime, with live music from Paul Hammond and an extension too! The first prize winners Before getting into the lists of winners it is only right that thanks are given to the many people without whose help it would not have been possible. I’m bound to forget someone so please don’t take offence if it’s you! Firstly, as ever, the wonderful staff behind the bar (and Kirsty who helped us avoid a disaster!) who do so much more than just keep us supplied with drinks. Thanks also to Laurie and Roger for their support and advice in the run up to the event and to Roger for being MC on the day. We must thank the judges. Doreen Davis and Jacqui Reddell judged both the flower arrangements and the funniest vegetable categories. Thanks also to Jacky Ellwood and Norman “The Laird” Grindley for judging the Jam and Chutney respectively - despite the fact that they both made a gross error in not recognising the brilliance of the Rummy Plum Pot and the Cherry Tomato and Celery chutney which both somehow got overlooked when the prizes were awarded. A mystery indeed. As a thank you gift, Norman was presented with a pot of horseradish sauce – given that he had just won four prizes on the meat draw (although to be fair, he did put back two of them). Alas, for poor Norman, he couldn’t appreciate his roast beef when he got home due to his mouth still being on fire due to the chilli content of one of the chutneys! Special thanks also to Gordon Nash and Mo Marshall who spent at least two hours measuring and weighing everything whilst constantly battling a very uncooperative set of bathroom scales! Also, Ray Reddell did a fantastic job selling “raffle” tickets. Now, this was to have been the “Guess the weight of the cabbage” competition. However, a slight fly in the ointment was the lack of a suitable (or indeed any) cabbage. With typical good grace, Roger agreed to change the competition from “Guess the weight of the cabbage” to “Guess the weight of the Vice President” – insert your own joke here. The prize was a magnificent teddy bear very kindly donated by Terry Wright and a bottle of Cava donated by Roger. We had a dead heat for first place between Iris Drayson and Steve Sloper who both guessed an 10 stone 5 pounds. In a fiercely contested play off, Iris claimed the win after being closest to guessing the weight of Clive Vassie. And what’s more, Iris kindly donated the teddy back to us so you’ll probably see that raising a good sum of money for charity over the Christmas period. And let’s not forget the people who very kindly donated prizes and indeed produce to sell on the day, they include: The Committee, the Brewery, Brian Jerrard, Roger Masterman, Moira Sterland, Gordon Nash and Norman Grindley Finally, a big thank you to everyone who paid the £1 to take part and everyone who bought produce or guessed at Roger’s weight. Due to your generosity, we were able to put £132.80 into the charity fund. Now, to the serious business of the winners … In the Marrow category, Percy Caws sneaked in for 3rd prize by just 2 ounces whilst Dave Sweetman took second. But the clear winner with a weight of 21 pounds 3 ounces (9.61kg) was Danny Drayson. Moving onto the Pumpkins, Percy and Dave swapped places in second and third respectively and, yes, you guessed it, another clear win for Danny Drayson with an excellent 44.5 pound (20.2kg) specimen. These two wins were enough to secure Danny the title of Overall Winner, The Jim Ward Memorial Trophy for a year and a 1.5 litre bottle of whiskey. Danny, to his great credit, donated the whiskey for auction and (if my memory serves me correctly, this was bought by Hugh Jones, raising £27 for the charity fund). Kind of ironic that even in the rare event of Hugh not winning the title himself, he still got the whiskey! Special mention also has to be made of Denis Webb who entered his “pumpkin” which was too small to register on even the kitchen scales. After a quick dash down the road to Stanpit Wines by Liz, Denis was presented, appropriately, with a miniature of whiskey. HOWEVER: Upon closer inspection after the competition, Denis’s blatant fraud was uncovered when the “pumpkin” was discovered to be plastic! But since he auctioned off the miniature for charity, at several times face value, I suppose we can let him off! In the Runner Beans category the competition was much closer with Tony Gabb gaining third place with a combined length of 102.8 inches. In second place was Anne Jerrard (111 inches) but pipping her to the post was Brian Jerrard with 112.2 inches (285 cm). Onions, and it was another prize for Brian Jerrard (third) with renowned onion expert Eric Jesty in second but this year it was Terry Wright who was the popular winner with a magnificent 12 pounds 7.5 ounces (5.65kg). In the tomatoes, there was an excellent 3rd prize for Joan Pinfield who hadn’t been planning on entering until she was bullied into it (mentioning no names, Liz)! Jack Marland took second place just three ounces behind winner Hugh Jones (3 pounds 10 ounces). The Funniest Veg competition was a bit of a let down. In the past, when it had to be a potato, there were lots of entries. When you got the choice of any vegetable you like, we got only two and they were both spuds! Anyway, Liz Westall took second with her “unbaked spud” complaining about the so called “summer” we didn’t have and Denis Webb was selected as winner for his family of three potato ducks (at least I think they were ducks!). We haven’t found out yet if and how Denis cheated in this category but no doubt the truth will one day emerge! There was strong competition in the Floral Arrangement in a cup and saucer. The judges couldn’t split Julie Lockwood and Liz Westall who shared 3rd prize (lucky we had that spare prize from the silly veg!) with 2nd place going to Jean Ellwood while Pat Bearman was the winner with a home grown offering (another victim of Liz’s “encouragement!”) The Jams and Chutneys are always good competitions with some real experts taking part, and also me. So it was all the more pleasing to see some new names taking on the big boys … In the Jam, Liz Westall took 3rd with a blackberry and apple recipe which I can confirm (with inside knowledge) is getting better the longer it matures, or whatever it is that jams do. Dave Jones’ Strawberry and Apricot took second place but it was our esteemed Secretary, John Oliver, who took the glory with his Greengage Jam. If like me, you aren’t too familiar with the Greengage, it is “an edible drupaceous fruit, a cultivar of the plum.” Right, that’s that cleared up then. It was apparently imported into Britain in 1724 by Sir William Gage. As the Daily Mail would no doubt point out – “Bloody foreign fruit coming over here and taking work away from our British plums.” Anyway, well done John. But the Oliver glory didn’t end there as Sally Oliver took first prize in the chutney with her Onion Marmalade which was to die for, so Norman tells me. Normal service was resumed with the chutney-meister Hugh Jones claiming 2nd and 3rd prizes with his Irish Marrow and Green Bean offerings. And if you have any suggestions for next year’s comp, please let us know and make a note on your calendars to get planting next year! The Poker League Wednesday nights (8pm start) have seen the introduction of the Texas Hold ‘Em poker league. Entrants pay a £5 entry fee each week with a cash prize for the winner and earn points for reaching the latter stages of each week’s competition. The game is then played for chips, not cash, so you won’t lose your house! Some of the prize money is put to one side to be played for in the final where the top 16 points scorers will compete for the title. However, so far only 16 people have taken part so, if a few more of you join in, then there really will be something to compete for. And with five players yet to score points, someone could easily start playing now and still make the final. And can I say that it’s nice to see some lady members getting involved. Current standings are as follows: Nick Coates – 14 pts Kevin Hastings and Jeff Cossey – 10 pts Rob Boulton and Richard Thomas – 8 pts Darren Keeping – 5 pts Julia Brolan – 4 pts Richard Biggs – 3 pts Denise Hayes, Gordon Wallace and Ben Woodhouse – 2 pts Jeff Morgan, Nathan Farrant, Paul Meade, Harry Sloper and Glenn Wilkinson – 0 pts. Weekend entertainment For those who venture out at the weekends … September Sat 13th Lucky Sat 20th Coroma Disco Sun 21st Paul Hammond Sat 27th Blowin' Free October Sat 4th DJ Langer Sat 11th (Ext’n) Football Club Fund Raiser Filmed Race Night Sun 12th Paul Hammond Sat 18th Adagio Music Sat 25th Gold Disco November Sat 1st Odessa Sat 8th Gem Roadshow Sat 15th(Ext’n) 40's 50's 60's Night Sun 16th Paul Hammond Sat 22nd Cookie Roadshow Sat 29th (Ext’n) Cabaret Night with Xerox and Des Law December Sat 6th DJ Langer Sat 13th Brian Moon & the Satellites Sat 20th (Ext’n) Christmas Draw Xmas Eve Coroma Disco Boxing Day Arfur Word Sat 27th Filmed Race Night NYE Wed 31st Cookie Roadshow Upcoming events Cabaret night – 29th November Charity month – launched 29th November Eddie Carr Trophy – October Your letters & emails Wow, I can’t believe it. It took a year and a half to happen but this month the entries have been flooding in. This is especially good as it means I won’t have to upset anyone else by publishing anagrams of their names to fill the space! I think it’s only fair that the honour of being the first winner should go to Rick/Fred Wood (so good they named him twice!) for this set of amazing coincidences linking Presidents Lincoln and Kennedy. Rick, if you’d care to have a word with the Steward, you’ll find £10 worth of drinks waiting for you behind the bar. Well done! Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head Now it gets really weird. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. Now hang on to your seat. Lincoln was shot at the theatre named 'Ford.' Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.' Lincoln was shot in a theatre and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theatre. Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here's the kicker... A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot … (you can fill this bit in yourselves) And this wins a pint for Clive Vassie We have edited this one as it made War and Peace look like a recipe for beans on toast! Please note that any issues related to ill health or sudden death caused by following the advice in this article should be addressed to Mr. C. Vassie and NOT Newslink! Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life, is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it … don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruit and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all… Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have one body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only do sit ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. And another pint goes to … Dave Ashby - who found a newspaper cutting (we don’t know the paper or the date) with a poem about the Marrow Competition. Can any member give us a clue who might have written it and where or when it was published? Ode to a Pumpkin Winston grew a pumpkin, It grew both fat and wide, But when he came to pick it up To give the thing a ride, Down to the Mudeford Men’s Club For the annual marrow night He found he couldn’t lift it He tried with all his might. He pulled the thing, he pushed it, It was plain he needed help, Four men it took to lift it, It made them puff and yelp. At the club it arrived for all to see And was rolled across the floor, Now we know why the committee Decided to widen that old front door. Contact info … Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail via the Club website www.mudefordmens.co.uk Or call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink June 2008

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that images and formatting are absent. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club June 2008 How to fill a Newslink? Here we go again, newsletter time and I’m sitting at home, with a stinking cold and a temperature. Hang on, I’m a man, it’s not a cold it’s flu. No, hang on, all blokes get flu, this must be bird flu. At least. What am I wittering on about I hear you ask? Well, I’ve just typed in all the stuff I have for this issue and it’s just too much to fit onto one double sided A4 sheet but nowhere near enough to fill up two. So, having used up all my funny sports commentator quotes, I need to rabbit on a bit to fill the space. As you can see, we haven’t even got a photo to add a bit of colour to the front page. Come on ladies and gents, many people now have digital cameras and cameras on their phones, so please, if there’s something to take a snap of, do it and send us a copy. A photo of our team holding the Frank Selleck Trophy aloft would have been nice. So please, if you have anything that could help fill up a future issue, send it in. It doesn’t matter too much what it is, an idea to improve the club, a good old fashioned rant, a joke, whatever. We can’t guarantee to publish everything, but we’ll do our best. Okay, still over a page left to fill. Right, I’ll tweak the margins a bit, that’ll help. Did it. Still over a page left. At this point, I went into a lengthy rant about various subjects including the weekend’s telly being dominated by Graham Norton trying to find himself a Nancy, second homes for MPs and the 42 days detention without trial debate. However, I was made to see reason and concede that Newslink is perhaps not the vehicle for impassioned political debate. So, instead, more of the sort of inane drivel that you’ve come to know and love tolerate. Anagrams are the subject this month. Why? Well, I was walking the dog and desperate to think of something to fill these pages and suddenly I was hit by an anagram of the name of one of the Committee and then, I just couldn’t stop myself. Even as I write, I have visions of my being hauled before the powers that be on a Monday night to explain myself and take the rap. How about a little competition? The next time I see the President, I’ll try and twist his arm to come up with a small prize for the best anagram submitted by a member. The only conditions are that we can print it and that it has some connection to the Club. To get you started, here’s some (Committee based) ideas that I came up with whilst eating my lunchtime sandwich. As you may know, President Laurie Wilkinson spends so much time in planes that only NASA will accept his air miles. As he takes his seat, many an air stewardess has commented “UK alien is in row L.” Secretary John Oliver is much more difficult and I had to cheat and use the letters of “John Oliver, Secretary” which gives us “Select honorary jiver” in tribute to his famed dancefloor skills. Talking of renowned dancers, it takes very little thought to realise that “Mark Roper” is an anagram of “Mork raper” – whatever would Mindy say? No piece of this type would be complete without a mention of the Godfather himself, Gordon Nash, who’s name is an anagram of “Rash non-god.” That’s another kidney punch I’ve got to look forward to. Perhaps most worrying amongst this collection is the name of our esteemed Treasurer, “Dave Hastings” which rearranges into “Savings hated!” The Laird himself, “Norman Grindley” offers a wealth of alternatives but I’ll stick to just the one and leave the rest for you to find. Imagine when Norman is visiting some distant relatives in their aristocratic castle in the Rhine Valley or the Black Forest and you get “Lord N. in Germany.” Last, and by no means least, the man whose name could have been designed for anagrammers everywhere, such is the wealth of possibilities. I will leave you with just a few and my sincerest apologies to the great man who is “Roger Masterman.” A few of the 15 I have so far include: A more strange Mr. Mr. M. T. Arse – an ogre Re-arm gas mentor Tremors manager Mm, great arse Ron Ma gets error man More errant mags German smear rot Mr. rat arse gnome Club Entertainment For those that dare venture outdoors at weekends … June Saturday 14th Gem Roadshow Saturday 21st Social Evening Sunday 22nd Paul Hammond (lunchtime) Saturday 28th Pussyfoot Dinner July Saturday 5th Blitz Disco Sunday 6th Colin Lann (lunchtime) Saturday 12th Envy Saturday 19th Discomania Sunday 20th Paul Hammond (lunchtime) Saturday 26th The Word August Saturday 2nd Filmed race night Sunday 3rd Colin Lann (lunchtime) Saturday 9th Gold Disco Saturday 16th Brian Moon & the Satellites Sunday 17th Paul Hammond (lunchtime) Saturday 23rd Gem Roadshow Saturday 30th Band TBA Committee Elections All Officers and Management Committee members who stood were re-elected and congratulations go to Clive Vassie for his election to Committee. Sports, games and competitions Snooker – the Frank Selleck Trophy Despite being 7-4 down from the home leg, our all conquering kings of the green baize travelled to Southbourne Ex-Servicemen’s Club and won the annual trophy in a final frame thriller in which past presidents Pitcher and Ashby put the opponents to the sword. Even more impressively, this year both clubs agreed which venue to play at and didn’t have a repeat of 2007 when both teams tried to play an away match on the same night. Snooker – Pussyfoot pairs This year’s trophy was won by Lawrence Millington and Rob Boulton with Kevin Mundy and Ian Coles as runners up. MMC Golf Society News – Spring 2008 by John Oliver The Club’s Golf Society year has got off to a good start after an excellent afternoon at Knighton Heath in April and the Len Taylor Golf Day at Highcliffe on the 23rd May. Steve Welsh came in first in the Len Taylor with 40 points on the par 64 track. Runner up was Laurie Coles with 38 points. 60 Club Members took part on a splendid day, excellently organised by our golf enthusiast Steward, Gordon Wallace. The evening celebrations were extensive and were rounded off with a £134 share of the charity monies collected. This will go to the MMC charity fund. Forthcoming events: Meyrick Park – Friday 27th June Moors Valley – Friday 18th July Dudsbury G.C. – Friday 22nd August – match versus Southbourne E.S. Bulbury Woods – Friday 19th September - all day event with coach from the Club. Why not join in the swing and support our next events? Ladies Darts Christchurch Ladies Dart League held their annual darts presentation at the club on Thursday 22nd May. A Very good night, which was enjoyed by all. Gem Roadshow was an excellent disco and Roger (Masterman) presented trophies for us (he had his hair cut especially for it, bless him). Congratulations this year go to MMC `C` Ladies Team. They were Division 2 Runners Up which means they are promoted to Division 1 next season and they were also Runners Up for Division 2 Gallon Cup. Well done to them. A very big thank you to the club from the Officers and Committee of the Christchurch Ladies Darts League for once again allowing us to use the club for this function. Sharon Morgan Mudeford Club Ladies Darts Representative & Chairman of Christchurch Ladies Dart League. Charity Noticeboard You may have noticed that a new board has appeared in the lounge to keep the members better informed about our charitable works. The board was kindly made by former President and Secretary Ken Falla and we wish him well with his health problems as indeed we do for the many members who seem to be poorly at the moment. Master carver Albert Raven has produced a wonderful nameplate for the board and hopefully this will be in place in the near future, as soon as the Committee can find a screwdriver! Where there’s life, there’s hope Congratulations to quiz team The No Hopers. I’m sure they won’t mind me saying that they took a while to find their feet in the Tuesday night quiz (I think the clue is in the team name). However, their perseverance paid off and they recently managed a magnificent victory, in spite of the name! If they are wondering why this event deserves a mention in Newslink, well, it’s because a) There’s lots of space to fill, and b) It was specifically requested by someone. I’ll mention no names but you might like to concentrate your thoughts starkly in the direction of the bar. Upcoming events Pussyfoot Dinner 28th June Once again we commemorate the founders of the Club with a seafood dinner in their honour with entertainment provided by Gil Morris. Once again, tickets sold out in minutes so, if you haven’t got one, you’ll need to keep an eye out for any returns. This year, Pussyfoot will be a jacket and tie event as befits a commemorative dinner. Gentlemen, you have been warned! Pussyfoot waiters wanted! If you haven’t got a ticket why not come along as one of our highly valued waiters. There are many benefits to this: You get fed If your table likes you, you might pick up a few quid in tips You definitely won’t go home thirsty You get to see the act for nothing If you are interested, please contact Entertainments and Activities Co-ordinator, Mark Roper. Ladies Night Details aren’t finalised yet but it looks like it will be a trip to the Pavilion for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. Going along with the current trend, perhaps we could ask the producers if, rather than actually employing an actor for the role of Joseph (crazy idea or what), we could run auditions at the Club and maybe get one of the Committee in the role. “Roger and his Amazing Technicolour Cardigan” perhaps. The date will be a Wednesday, either the 30th July or the 6th or 13th August. As ever, tickets will be subsidised and demand will be high so keep an eye out on the noticeboards. Marrow Competition Sunday 7th Sept The return of the annual horticultural extravaganza that is the Marrow Competition. If you happen to be one of those people who doesn’t grow marrows, all is not lost as there are many categories to choose from and lots of prizes to be won on the day. The rules are simple. If it’s a chutney or jam, make it yourself. If it’s a vegetable category, grow it yourself. Don’t acquire it from Sainsbury’s and do make sure it’s presentable and not a decaying pile of fungal glop! Also, after some controversy last year, we have been asked to point out: NO genetically modified Frankensteinian hybrids! - there are rumours that one of last year’s “marrows” (you remember, it had a bolt through its neck and a faraway mad look in several of its eyes) escaped and wreaked havoc in the New Forest, injuring a number of people! Categories for 2008 Heaviest marrow Heaviest pumpkin Heaviest five onions Heaviest five tomatoes Longest five runner beans Best jam Best chutney Prettiest flower arrangement in a cup and saucer Funniest vegetable (you can dress it up if you wish) Can you donate a prize? A number of members regularly donate a bottle to be used as a prize and we are very grateful. If you or your company would like to make a small donation, please do. Bottles are always welcome but it could be anything at all. The more donations we get, the fewer prizes have to be bought and the more money gets put into the Charity Fund. 2007 winners – can you please ensure that you return your trophies in good time, for engraving. Please liaise with our steward, Gordon Wallace. Your letters & emails It’s now 16 months since the President kindly agreed that the best item received from a member and printed in each issue of Newslink would receive £10 to spend over the bar. All other items printed would get a drink. The result: zero, zilch, nothing, not one iota. Surely, someone out there has something to say. (Another) politically incorrect tale This one comes from Pete McCarthy’s book, “McCarthy’s Bar.” It was overheard in a conversation between two Irishmen (edited due to some un-Newslinky language). “So Pat goes on Mastermind. He goes and sits in the chair in the spotlight, like, and they announce his specialist subject: “Ireland, the Easter Rising and the War of Independence, 1916 to 1921.” “Start the clock,” says yer man. “First question, name one of the leaders of the Easter Rising of 1916.” “Pass” “Name the IRA leader who led the fight against the British before agreeing to partition.” “Pass” “Name the first president of the Irish Free State” “Pass” A voice shouts out from the audience, “Good man Pat, tell the b******s nothing.” Contact info just in case … Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail via the Club website www.mudefordmens.co.uk Or call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink March 2008

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that images and formatting are absent. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club March 2008 Annual Dinner Dance 2008 Friday March 7th saw the Club’s 80th anniversary dinner dance and fittingly, most agreed it was the best one for years. Both the food and the entertainment were excellent. President Laurie Wilkinson opened the event with a letter from former President John Bachelor who wished all the members well. It is worth noting that John will have been a member for 50 years on March 29th. The President was going to take the mickey out of Honoured Guest Gordon Nash but decided against it for reasons of personal safety, having watched the scene in The Untouchables where Al Capone bludgeons a fellow dinner guest to death with a baseball bat. So instead, he kindly asked me to do it right here … Guest of Honour, Gordon “The Godfather” Nash and his moll Penny. As you may know, Gordon’s name was recently cleared after a Coventry gang were arrested for the infamous Total garage hold up – you remember – the one in which Gordy appeared in the Echo swearing that he hadn’t seen a thing as he was too busy Hoovering. A mere coincidence that the getaway car had been parked at his house all day … Luckily, none of the gang have grassed yet … Also in the news … Laurie Wilkinson and Cllr Ray Nottage present a cheque to the Mayor Cllr Josephine Spencer and Dina Godwin of Ward 10, RBH Read all about the money you raised for charity over Christmas and how it will be spent. Denney’s double-double delight as he receives the Over 60s singles trophy (runner up Roy Dupree) Not only did Charles Denney (right) become the first player to retain the Over 60s snooker title, he, along with Ken Ellwood also became the first pair to retain the doubles title! Congratulations on a remarkable achievement. Yes, it’s the “Fill John Oliver’s garden with balloons” competition again. Club Entertainment March Sat 15th The Word Sun 16th Paul Hammond - Lunchtime Sat 22nd Coroma Disco. Extension Sat 29th Odessa April Sat 5th DJ Langer Sat 12th Shoestring Blues Band Sat 19th Disco TBA Sun 20th Paul Hammond - Lunchtime Sat 26th Brian Moon and the Satellites May Sat 3rd Cookie Roadshow Sat 10th Coroma Disco & Football Club Presentation. Extension Fri 16th Gold Disco & Darts Presentation Night. Extension Sat 17th Filmed Race Night Sun 18th Paul Hammond - Lunchtime Sat 24th Disco TBA Sat 31st Blowin' Free June Sat 7th Lucky Sat 14th Gem Roadshow Sat 21st Band TBA Sun 22nd Paul Hammond - Lunchtime Sat 28th Pussyfoot Dinner with Gil Morris. Extension Charity fundraising 2007/8 The annual Charity Presentation was held on Sunday 24th February where the club gave away cheques to the value of £4,000 thanks to the generosity of you, the members. All the usual events took place, raffles and draws, balloon race, Boxing Day Auction etc. This year, the latter raised over £1,500 – an excellent total. The Club would like to thank not only those local businesses who donated items but also to Clive and Mark Vassie who assisted the Entertainments Committee in collecting donations. The President would also like to specially thank Roger Masterman and Sharon Morgan for all their hard work over the whole Christmas period, given that they had just lost their father, Stan. Special thanks also to Joey Hastings for donating his gorilla costume to be auctioned. Apparently, Roger Masterman did model it, but unfortunately, we only got a picture of him in his normal state … Roger Masterman who later put on a gorilla costume. This year’s recipients were as follows: The Mayor of Christchurch Cllr Josephine Spencer accepted a cheque (£500) towards improvements to facilities in the Oncology Department at the Royal Bournemouth Hospital as this is one of her nominated charities for her year in office. She was accompanied by Dina Godwin who works on the ward and was a familiar face to many members who have been touched by the effects of cancer. Alison Smith, Headmistress of Christchurch Junior School accepted a donation of £1,000 towards the £200,000 cost of providing a roof for the swimming pool. From the Forest Dene Unit of Christchurch Hospital, Sister Sue Farndon accepted a cheque for £1,000 towards the cost of blood pressure recording equipment. Representing Mudeford Phoenix Girls and Ladies Football Club, Frank Hunt (Chairman) thanked the club for the donation of £1,000 toward kit and training equipment. In three years the club has grown from 11 girls to 70, plus the adult players. For Mudeford RNLI Andy Hack accepted a donation of £250 and explained that 85p in every pound raised is used directly to fund lifeboat operations with the remaining 15p used for fundraising promotions. He pointed out that in the UK, an RNLI lifeboat is launched an average of 23 times a day and they receive no government funding. Finally, another organisation that receives no official funding is Julia’s House. This was not one of our original charities this year, but, due to the generosity of the members there was a little “spare” cash and so it was decided that Julia’s House should benefit. Accepting a cheque for £250, Chairman Mike Wise, who was himself recently honoured with an MBE for charity work, explained that the unit must raise the entire £1.9m annual budget despite the fact that they save the NHS around £3m through the work they do. Finally, keep an eye out for the new Charity Notice board in the Lounge. This will allow members will to see more clearly what we raise and how the money is spent. Sports, games and competitions Over 60s snooker 19/20 Dec 2007 - Chas and Ken ride again Singles: Chas Denney beat Roy Dupree in the final to retain the title – a first. Promising whippersnapper Dave Ashby displayed some early form but lost in semi final. Doubles: Chas & Ken Ellwood beat Steve Hill & Paul Mead to retain the doubles title – another first. Ken Ellwood and Charles Denney receive their Doubles trophy from Roger Masterman and Bernie Pitcher. Finals Night Thanks from Laurie Wilkinson go to Phil Marchi for his work to make Finals Night such a success. Crib singles Winner: R Stickland Runner up: J Warner Crib doubles Winners: J Sheppard & A Mathews Runners up: G Needs & A Jeffers Dominoes singles Winner: G Needs Runner up: D Tomkins Dominoes doubles Winners: J Warner & D Tomkins Runners up: B Glasspool & A Goodman Darts singles Winner: Gary Howlett Runner up: Martin Wood Darts doubles Winners: Gary Howlett & Matt Ramsier Runners up: Simon Richards & Dan Walker Billiards Winner: L Millington Runner up: D Sheppeard Snooker Winner: I Wooley Runner up: J Challen Sloe Gin Competition – 23 Dec 2007 Won by Eric Jesty Football'We are nearing the end of the season and are still in with a shout of promotion to Division 1. We currently lay 6th but with games in hand over all the teams above us. We obviously need to win those games but we are more than capable of doing that. There are 9 games left at the time of writing this, so fingers crossed. As far as the team go, Lee Moss (15) and Max Edgell (12) lead the goal scoring tally at the moment - congratulations to both of them and I am sure they will be fighting it out for the coveted leading goal scorer trophy. But everybody has contributed, as ever, to what has been a pretty good first year in Division 2 (W8 D1 L4), so well done. On the social side, our presentation evening is booked at the club on Saturday May 10th for anybody wishing to come along and buy the team a beer / join us for a beer (delete as applicable). Lottery Bingo update: Congratulations to the winners over the last few months - Nathan Farrant (keeping the traditional Farrant win going), Dick Thorpe, Doreen Davies, Wendy Kearley and our Xmas winner Richard Thomas. Rob Smith Chairman MMC Golf Society – by John Oliver The Golf Society held their annual inaugural meeting at the Club on Wednesday 27 Feb. Initial requests from the members attending are: April (**) – Knighton Heath G.C. May 23rd– Highcliffe G.C. – Buffet Presentation at MMC June (**) Barton on Sea July (**) Moors Valley August 23rd – Dudsbury – Comp versus Southbourne Ex-Servicemens September (**) – High Post Salisbury Day out with coach (**) = dates to be confirmed. Anyone seeking further information please contact the Secretary, John Oliver. Your letters & emails All of them, in full. Ta. Upcoming events Grand Easter Egg draw (Sunday 16 March) has probably already happened by the time you read this! Club website Neville Mickelwright has been working hard on the Club website which now boasts an improved Sports area and several new sections including Lottery Bingo (updated weekly) and Entertainments. There’s even a link for you to send items for Newslink. I won’t hold my breath. Visit www.mudefordmens.co.uk to see for yourself what he has achieved. Last of the sports commentator quotes "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" (Greg Norman) "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" (Alan Minter) "Watch the time - it gives you an indication of how fast they are running" (Ron Pickering) "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers" (Murray Walker) "Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales" (Ron Greenwood) "A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin" (Jo Sheldon) "The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation" (Ron Pickering) "That's inches away from being millimetre perfect" (Ted Lowe) "Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him" (Stuart Pearson) "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right" (Marlon Starling) "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" (Terry Venables) "I can't tell who's leading - It's either Oxford or Cambridge" (John Snagge - Boat Race) "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - absolutely round." (Tony Crozier) Contact info: (Why do I bother?) Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx or via the Club web site.Or call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink Christmas 2007

This newsletter was produced (free of charge by Lware Limited for Mudeford Men's Club, Christchurch. Formatting and images are not included. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club December 2007 Happy New Year Another year draws to a close as 2008 beckons. But we can’t let 2007 go without reviewing some of the highs (and lows) of the year. In 2007: The Club donated thousands of pounds to local charities The Club continues to be plagued by idiotic accusations and inaccurate press coverage due to an expelled member’s actions The club left the CIU, freeing us to admit who we choose as members and run the club by our rules (not to mention saving some money) Committee member Gordon Nash featured in the Daily Echo after failing to spot the getaway car for a robbery parked outside his house all morning. Was Nashy really Hoovering or did the “Godfather” turn a blind eye? Gordon and Jacqui Wallace and Fred and Jenny Wood were honoured at the Dinner Dance 1,500 members and 300 lady members between them managed to generate a total of zero letters and emails to this newsletter 126 members manage to vote in committee elections Mark Roper was honoured at Pussyfoot The Club won the Organisation of the Year Award from the Council Smokers were finally driven from the building to the specially adapted, no expense spared, all weather piece of tarmac by the back door. We lost the services of Jeff and Tori from behind the bar The cricket club gained promotion for the firsts and seconds Several great new acts have appeared on Saturday nights with plenty more booked for 2008. Saturday and Xmas entertainment Date Entertainment 19–22 Dec Christmas Draw 23 Dec Sloe Gin Comp - lunchtime 24 Dec Coroma Disco 26 Dec Charity Auction & Arfur Word (duo) - lunchtime 29 Dec Filmed Race Night 31 Dec Alpine Roadshow (disco) 05 Jan Lucky (band) 12 Jan Cookie Roadshow (disco) 13 Jan Balloon Race - lunchtime 19 Jan Envy (band) 26 Jan 40s, 50s & 60s themed night 02 Feb Filmed Race Night 09 Feb Cabaret night – 3 acts 16 Feb Gem Roadshow (disco) 23 Feb Mista Beat (band) 01 Mar Gold Disco 07 Mar Dinner Dance 08 Mar Social Evening 15 Mar TBA 22 Mar Coroma Disco 29 Mar TBA Christmas opening times Date Lunchtime Evening Fri 21 Dec 11:00 – 2:30 6:00 – 12:00 Sat 22 Dec 11:00 – 3:00 6:00 – 12:00 Sun 23 Dec 12:00 – 3:00 7:00 – 11:00 Mon 24 Dec 11:00 – 2:30 6:00 – 12:00 Tue 25 Dec 11:00 – 1:00 Closed Wed 26 Dec 11:00 – 4:00 Closed Thu 27 Dec 11:00 – 2:30 6:00 – 11:00 Fri 28 Dec 11:00 – 2:30 6:00 – 12:00 Sat 29 Dec 11:00 – 3:00 6:00 – 12:00 Sun 30 Dec 12:00 – 3:00 7:00 – 11:00 Mon 31 Dec 11:00 – 2:30 7:00 – 01:15 Tue 01 Jan 11:00 – 4:00 Closed 2007 charity fundraising The charities selected as beneficiaries for this year’s fundraising are as follows: Forest Dene hospital – to purchase blood pressure monitoring equipment Christchurch Junior School – to help with the costs of building a roof over their swimming pool. Mudeford Phoenix Girls and Ladies Football Club – to help with costs of kit and footballs. The club, formed in 2003 now runs five junior teams with around 70 young members and provides two after school club facilities. In addition to 20+ ladies play in the Hampshire League Bournemouth Hospital’s Jigsaw Appeal – to provide improved facilities for local cancer patients. As ever, there will be many fundraising activities over the festive period including the ever popular Charity Auction on Boxing Day. The donations have been flooding in thick and fast thanks to the hard work of the Entertainments Committee assisted by two or three enthusiastic members who kindly lent their support. If you, or your company can provide anything that could be auctioned off then please contact any member of the Entertainment Committee (if you’re not sure, ask at the bar!) Your letters & emails Once again it’s been a bumper three months with our second highest ever number of letters and emails received from the ever enthusiastic membership. It couldn’t quite match the all time high figure of one (the last issue) which admittedly I wrote myself. Well done members! Sports and games news Ladies darts The ladies darts league had a small Christmas raffle and friendly singles tournament at the club on Thurs 6th December. A pleasant evening was had by all and the darts league would like to thank the club for allowing us to use it as our Christmas venue once again. FootballThe football team are currently playing in Bournemouth Saturday Division 2 after winning Division 3 last season. We have made a steady start to the season in the league winning 4 and losing 2 so far. We reached the semi-finals of the Poole Bay cup before being knocked out by Division 1 side Southbourne. We also made the last 32 of the Hampshire Cup before losing to Wessex Combination team Totton & Ealing Reserves. En route we beat another Wessesx Combination team Horndean Reserves. As we are now out of all cup competetions, we can now focus on the league and trying to gain one of the top spots that will enable us to gain promotion to Division 1. We have a good squad of players at present but are always looking for that extra talent that will turn us into a competetive Division 1 team. For anyone interested, we train at Mudeford Wood Thursday nights 7-8 PM or contact one of the football club. Football bingo lottery update: congratulations to Richard Thomas who scooped the Xmas lottery prize of over £1000. Thanks to everyone who continues to participate in the lottery as this is a significant fund raiser for the football club. Merry Xmas, Rob Smith Chairman. Snooker – Eddie Carr Trophy This year’s Eddie Carr snooker trophy was won by Chris Beavis (below) Pussyfoot dinner 2008 Early warning – the Committee has agreed that this year’s Pussyfoot will be a “Collar and Tie” event as befits a sit down dinner. No more open neck Hawaiian shirts please gentlemen. Recent events EGM (04 Dec) – the members accepted the proposed new rules for the club subject to a few changes being incorporated. These rules should come into effect as of 01 January 2008. Ladies night – 31st October - 42nd Street was a great success. Space filler! Some more sports commentator quotes: "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" (Ron Atkinson) "I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost" (Frank Bruno) "There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes." (David Coleman) "There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people" (David Coleman) "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical" (Murray Walker) "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel" (Stuart Pearce) "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" (Greg Norman) "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" (Alan Minter) "Watch the time -it gives you an indication of how fast they are running" (Ron Pickering) "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansell. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers" (Murray Walker) "Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales" (Ron Greenwood) "A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin" (Jo Sheldon) "The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation" (Ron Pickering) "That's inches away from being millimetre perfect" (Ted Lowe) "Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him" (Stuart Pearson) "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right" (Marlon Starling) "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" (Terry Venables) "I can't tell who's leading - It's either Oxford or Cambridge" (John Snagge - Boat Race) "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - absolutely round." (Tony Crozier) Christmas corner It has been decided that our current approach to Christmas is extremely outdated and inefficient and a team of management consultants has been brought in to review our processes and streamline the operation. Therefore, please note that, with immediate effect: The solitary partridge in the pear tree does not adequately reflect the importance we place on teamwork and will be replaced with a bio-degradable plastic robin in a potted plant The two turtle doves have been axed as their exclusively heterosexual relationship does not fully value the equally important contribution made by same-sex dove couples The French hens have been cancelled due to concerns regarding bird flu The four calling birds have been replaced with an automated voicemail system featuring the Birdie Song for callers on hold. The five gold rings were thought to represent an inadequate spread of risk in our investment portfolio. Additionally, we took into account the elitist connotations of gold and indeed the working conditions of South African gold miners. Our investments will, in future be divided between environmentally friendly energy generation and fair trade tofu production. The six geese a-laying and their friends the swans a-swimming have been freed following threats by the animal liberation front The eight maids a-milking and nine ladies dancing both constituted a non-representative gender mix and served to perpetuate a negative image of females in the workplace. The dancers were also considered to not adequately represent those who experience mobility challenges. These positions will be re-branded as “Environmentally sustainable food production technician” and “Communications specialist promoting diversity and equality through the medium of bodily expression.” The former dancers will also be complimented with the addition of a significant proportion of “differently abled” performers. The leaping lords are becoming expensive to maintain and replace in the event of failure and, given their largely white, male, Anglo Saxon makeup, do not reflect our equal opportunities ethic and so have been dropped. It was further considered that a total of 23 musicians piping and drumming could not be justified in today’s economic climate and their presence served to discriminate against those not fortunate enough to play a musical instrument. They have therefore been replaced by a Val Doonican cassette. Contact info: (like you care!) Next issue: mid March – ish. Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx