Newslink June 2008

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that images and formatting are absent. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club June 2008 How to fill a Newslink? Here we go again, newsletter time and I’m sitting at home, with a stinking cold and a temperature. Hang on, I’m a man, it’s not a cold it’s flu. No, hang on, all blokes get flu, this must be bird flu. At least. What am I wittering on about I hear you ask? Well, I’ve just typed in all the stuff I have for this issue and it’s just too much to fit onto one double sided A4 sheet but nowhere near enough to fill up two. So, having used up all my funny sports commentator quotes, I need to rabbit on a bit to fill the space. As you can see, we haven’t even got a photo to add a bit of colour to the front page. Come on ladies and gents, many people now have digital cameras and cameras on their phones, so please, if there’s something to take a snap of, do it and send us a copy. A photo of our team holding the Frank Selleck Trophy aloft would have been nice. So please, if you have anything that could help fill up a future issue, send it in. It doesn’t matter too much what it is, an idea to improve the club, a good old fashioned rant, a joke, whatever. We can’t guarantee to publish everything, but we’ll do our best. Okay, still over a page left to fill. Right, I’ll tweak the margins a bit, that’ll help. Did it. Still over a page left. At this point, I went into a lengthy rant about various subjects including the weekend’s telly being dominated by Graham Norton trying to find himself a Nancy, second homes for MPs and the 42 days detention without trial debate. However, I was made to see reason and concede that Newslink is perhaps not the vehicle for impassioned political debate. So, instead, more of the sort of inane drivel that you’ve come to know and love tolerate. Anagrams are the subject this month. Why? Well, I was walking the dog and desperate to think of something to fill these pages and suddenly I was hit by an anagram of the name of one of the Committee and then, I just couldn’t stop myself. Even as I write, I have visions of my being hauled before the powers that be on a Monday night to explain myself and take the rap. How about a little competition? The next time I see the President, I’ll try and twist his arm to come up with a small prize for the best anagram submitted by a member. The only conditions are that we can print it and that it has some connection to the Club. To get you started, here’s some (Committee based) ideas that I came up with whilst eating my lunchtime sandwich. As you may know, President Laurie Wilkinson spends so much time in planes that only NASA will accept his air miles. As he takes his seat, many an air stewardess has commented “UK alien is in row L.” Secretary John Oliver is much more difficult and I had to cheat and use the letters of “John Oliver, Secretary” which gives us “Select honorary jiver” in tribute to his famed dancefloor skills. Talking of renowned dancers, it takes very little thought to realise that “Mark Roper” is an anagram of “Mork raper” – whatever would Mindy say? No piece of this type would be complete without a mention of the Godfather himself, Gordon Nash, who’s name is an anagram of “Rash non-god.” That’s another kidney punch I’ve got to look forward to. Perhaps most worrying amongst this collection is the name of our esteemed Treasurer, “Dave Hastings” which rearranges into “Savings hated!” The Laird himself, “Norman Grindley” offers a wealth of alternatives but I’ll stick to just the one and leave the rest for you to find. Imagine when Norman is visiting some distant relatives in their aristocratic castle in the Rhine Valley or the Black Forest and you get “Lord N. in Germany.” Last, and by no means least, the man whose name could have been designed for anagrammers everywhere, such is the wealth of possibilities. I will leave you with just a few and my sincerest apologies to the great man who is “Roger Masterman.” A few of the 15 I have so far include: A more strange Mr. Mr. M. T. Arse – an ogre Re-arm gas mentor Tremors manager Mm, great arse Ron Ma gets error man More errant mags German smear rot Mr. rat arse gnome Club Entertainment For those that dare venture outdoors at weekends … June Saturday 14th Gem Roadshow Saturday 21st Social Evening Sunday 22nd Paul Hammond (lunchtime) Saturday 28th Pussyfoot Dinner July Saturday 5th Blitz Disco Sunday 6th Colin Lann (lunchtime) Saturday 12th Envy Saturday 19th Discomania Sunday 20th Paul Hammond (lunchtime) Saturday 26th The Word August Saturday 2nd Filmed race night Sunday 3rd Colin Lann (lunchtime) Saturday 9th Gold Disco Saturday 16th Brian Moon & the Satellites Sunday 17th Paul Hammond (lunchtime) Saturday 23rd Gem Roadshow Saturday 30th Band TBA Committee Elections All Officers and Management Committee members who stood were re-elected and congratulations go to Clive Vassie for his election to Committee. Sports, games and competitions Snooker – the Frank Selleck Trophy Despite being 7-4 down from the home leg, our all conquering kings of the green baize travelled to Southbourne Ex-Servicemen’s Club and won the annual trophy in a final frame thriller in which past presidents Pitcher and Ashby put the opponents to the sword. Even more impressively, this year both clubs agreed which venue to play at and didn’t have a repeat of 2007 when both teams tried to play an away match on the same night. Snooker – Pussyfoot pairs This year’s trophy was won by Lawrence Millington and Rob Boulton with Kevin Mundy and Ian Coles as runners up. MMC Golf Society News – Spring 2008 by John Oliver The Club’s Golf Society year has got off to a good start after an excellent afternoon at Knighton Heath in April and the Len Taylor Golf Day at Highcliffe on the 23rd May. Steve Welsh came in first in the Len Taylor with 40 points on the par 64 track. Runner up was Laurie Coles with 38 points. 60 Club Members took part on a splendid day, excellently organised by our golf enthusiast Steward, Gordon Wallace. The evening celebrations were extensive and were rounded off with a £134 share of the charity monies collected. This will go to the MMC charity fund. Forthcoming events: Meyrick Park – Friday 27th June Moors Valley – Friday 18th July Dudsbury G.C. – Friday 22nd August – match versus Southbourne E.S. Bulbury Woods – Friday 19th September - all day event with coach from the Club. Why not join in the swing and support our next events? Ladies Darts Christchurch Ladies Dart League held their annual darts presentation at the club on Thursday 22nd May. A Very good night, which was enjoyed by all. Gem Roadshow was an excellent disco and Roger (Masterman) presented trophies for us (he had his hair cut especially for it, bless him). Congratulations this year go to MMC `C` Ladies Team. They were Division 2 Runners Up which means they are promoted to Division 1 next season and they were also Runners Up for Division 2 Gallon Cup. Well done to them. A very big thank you to the club from the Officers and Committee of the Christchurch Ladies Darts League for once again allowing us to use the club for this function. Sharon Morgan Mudeford Club Ladies Darts Representative & Chairman of Christchurch Ladies Dart League. Charity Noticeboard You may have noticed that a new board has appeared in the lounge to keep the members better informed about our charitable works. The board was kindly made by former President and Secretary Ken Falla and we wish him well with his health problems as indeed we do for the many members who seem to be poorly at the moment. Master carver Albert Raven has produced a wonderful nameplate for the board and hopefully this will be in place in the near future, as soon as the Committee can find a screwdriver! Where there’s life, there’s hope Congratulations to quiz team The No Hopers. I’m sure they won’t mind me saying that they took a while to find their feet in the Tuesday night quiz (I think the clue is in the team name). However, their perseverance paid off and they recently managed a magnificent victory, in spite of the name! If they are wondering why this event deserves a mention in Newslink, well, it’s because a) There’s lots of space to fill, and b) It was specifically requested by someone. I’ll mention no names but you might like to concentrate your thoughts starkly in the direction of the bar. Upcoming events Pussyfoot Dinner 28th June Once again we commemorate the founders of the Club with a seafood dinner in their honour with entertainment provided by Gil Morris. Once again, tickets sold out in minutes so, if you haven’t got one, you’ll need to keep an eye out for any returns. This year, Pussyfoot will be a jacket and tie event as befits a commemorative dinner. Gentlemen, you have been warned! Pussyfoot waiters wanted! If you haven’t got a ticket why not come along as one of our highly valued waiters. There are many benefits to this: You get fed If your table likes you, you might pick up a few quid in tips You definitely won’t go home thirsty You get to see the act for nothing If you are interested, please contact Entertainments and Activities Co-ordinator, Mark Roper. Ladies Night Details aren’t finalised yet but it looks like it will be a trip to the Pavilion for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. Going along with the current trend, perhaps we could ask the producers if, rather than actually employing an actor for the role of Joseph (crazy idea or what), we could run auditions at the Club and maybe get one of the Committee in the role. “Roger and his Amazing Technicolour Cardigan” perhaps. The date will be a Wednesday, either the 30th July or the 6th or 13th August. As ever, tickets will be subsidised and demand will be high so keep an eye out on the noticeboards. Marrow Competition Sunday 7th Sept The return of the annual horticultural extravaganza that is the Marrow Competition. If you happen to be one of those people who doesn’t grow marrows, all is not lost as there are many categories to choose from and lots of prizes to be won on the day. The rules are simple. If it’s a chutney or jam, make it yourself. If it’s a vegetable category, grow it yourself. Don’t acquire it from Sainsbury’s and do make sure it’s presentable and not a decaying pile of fungal glop! Also, after some controversy last year, we have been asked to point out: NO genetically modified Frankensteinian hybrids! - there are rumours that one of last year’s “marrows” (you remember, it had a bolt through its neck and a faraway mad look in several of its eyes) escaped and wreaked havoc in the New Forest, injuring a number of people! Categories for 2008 Heaviest marrow Heaviest pumpkin Heaviest five onions Heaviest five tomatoes Longest five runner beans Best jam Best chutney Prettiest flower arrangement in a cup and saucer Funniest vegetable (you can dress it up if you wish) Can you donate a prize? A number of members regularly donate a bottle to be used as a prize and we are very grateful. If you or your company would like to make a small donation, please do. Bottles are always welcome but it could be anything at all. The more donations we get, the fewer prizes have to be bought and the more money gets put into the Charity Fund. 2007 winners – can you please ensure that you return your trophies in good time, for engraving. Please liaise with our steward, Gordon Wallace. Your letters & emails It’s now 16 months since the President kindly agreed that the best item received from a member and printed in each issue of Newslink would receive £10 to spend over the bar. All other items printed would get a drink. The result: zero, zilch, nothing, not one iota. Surely, someone out there has something to say. (Another) politically incorrect tale This one comes from Pete McCarthy’s book, “McCarthy’s Bar.” It was overheard in a conversation between two Irishmen (edited due to some un-Newslinky language). “So Pat goes on Mastermind. He goes and sits in the chair in the spotlight, like, and they announce his specialist subject: “Ireland, the Easter Rising and the War of Independence, 1916 to 1921.” “Start the clock,” says yer man. “First question, name one of the leaders of the Easter Rising of 1916.” “Pass” “Name the IRA leader who led the fight against the British before agreeing to partition.” “Pass” “Name the first president of the Irish Free State” “Pass” A voice shouts out from the audience, “Good man Pat, tell the b******s nothing.” Contact info just in case … Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail via the Club website www.mudefordmens.co.uk Or call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx