Newslink Christmas 2008

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for Mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that images and formatting are absent.

Also note that this is an extended version and not the one actually published. However, without the images, you won't see why it had to be edited!!!

NEWSLINK
The Newsletter of the
Mudeford Men’s Club
December 2008


Revamp rejected!

As Paul Weller (almost) said “Lights stay on, walls don’t come tumbling down” – members decide now is not the time to renovate the Club. Full details inside.

Insert your own caption here – I want to continue to get served in the future!



Queen’s Speech – Equalities Bill

The Equalities Bill survived pruning to the Queen’s Speech (3rd December 2008) and is scheduled (probably) for the coming session of Parliament.

This is an extract from chapter 12 (“Private Clubs and Associations”) of the consultation paper (“Discrimination Law Review”) produced by the Equalities Office prior to being passed into law.

12.12 If private clubs do have both men and women as members, we propose to make it unlawful for them to discriminate on grounds of sex against their members, associates, applicants for membership or
their guests. We have for many years encouraged clubs to address this issue voluntarily, but we continue to receive numerous representations from women club members who experience blatant sex discrimination because some private clubs still limit women members’ access to activities and benefits, and treat them as “second class members”. We cannot see any justification for this.

Terror from the skies in Mudeford!

November saw the ugly face of terrorism taint quaint Mudeford. In what is thought to be an Al Qaeda masterminded plot, evil terrorists allegedly seized control of a model aircraft being flown near the Quay and crashed it into the new apartments forming part of the Avonmouth Hotel development (Iridium Crescent), leading to the subsequent collapse of the building. Iridium incidentally, is a very dense, highly brittle metallic element with many highly unstable isotopes.

Speaking for the builders (Midas), project manager Mr. Seamus Rubble allegedly stated that “Ah to be sure, there’s no way we could have predicted this. We built on some of the firmest marsh land you’ll ever find next to a harbour. And to be fair, it was a big model plane too, probably a 747.”

However, Intelligence sources suspect that the attack could have had an altogether different motive. A theory exists that it could have been the result of a disgruntled hotel employee seeking revenge for the fact that the new restaurant franchise was given to chef Gary Rhodes, rather than an existing member of the kitchen staff.

Less Islamic, more Balsamic Fundamentalism.
A grainy CCTV picture of a possible suspect has been released and anyone with any information on this swarthy looking character should contact the authorities immediately.


Christmas opening times

Date
Lunch
Evening
Sat 20th Dec
11:00 – 3:00
6:00 – 12:00
Sun 21st Dec
12:00 – 3:00
7:00 – 11:00
Mon 22nd Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 11:00
Tue 23rd Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 12:00
Wed 24th Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 12:00
Thu 25th Dec
11:30 – 1:30
Closed
Fri 26th Dec
11:00 – 4:00
Closed
Sat 27th Dec
11:00 – 3:00
6:00 – 12:00
Sun 28th Dec
12:00 – 3:00
7:00 – 11:00
Mon 29th Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 11:00
Tue 30th Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 11:00
Wed 31st Dec
11:00 – 2:30
6:00 – 01:00
Thu 1st Jan
11:00 – 4:00
Closed
Entertainment update

December

Sat 6th
DJ Langer
Sat 13th
Brian Moon and the Satellites
Sat 20th
Christmas draw (Ext)
Christmas Eve
Coroma disco
Boxing Day
Arfur Word
Sat 27th
Filmed race night
New Year’s Eve
Cookie Roadshow


January

Sat 3rd
Social Evening
Sun 4th
Adagio
Sat 10th
Envy
Sat 17th
Jason Dean Disco (BBC Radio)
Sun 18th
Paul Hammond
Sat 24th
TBA
Sat 31st
Pete Mitchell Experience


February

Sat 7th
Filmed Race Night
Sat 14th
Adagio
Sat 21st
TBA
Sun 22nd
Paul Hammond
Sat 28th
Des Law Sounds


March

Fri 6th
Dinner and Dance, Hoburne
Brian Moon and the Satellites
Sat 7th
Social Evening
Sun 8th
Adagio
Sat 14th
TBA
Sat 21st
TBA
Sun 22nd
Paul Hammond
Sat 28th
Super Simmo Disco

Sports and games news

Poker
Autumn saw the commencement of the first Club Texas Hold ‘Em poker league (Wednesdays, 8pm). This has proved to be a huge success with even more players expected for the next season. A really big “Well done” to Treasurer Dave Hastings for all his hard work and organisation.

In case you don’t know, players pay £5 a week to play and there is a cash prize each week for the winner and the top six finishers score league points. You can join the league at any time and you don’t have to play every week.

As the league entered its final week, it was neck and neck at the top of the table between Ben Woodhouse and Kevin Hastings with both Nick Coates and Rob Boulton also in a position of being able to win the league title.

Ben eventually did the best of the four contenders, coming second to Harry Sloper who became the only person to win twice in the league.

So Ben won the title and a cash prize with some bottle prizes awarded to the other leading finishers.

At the other end of the table, James Blackshaw needed a good finish to score enough points to qualify for the “Final” where the top 16 finishers in the league would compete for the big money.

James did well and got through at the expense of an unlucky Jeff Morgan.

The final was competed the following week and it was Richard Leyshon who claimed the title. Jeff Cossey came second after a long “heads up” session in which he didn’t get the best of cards. Ben Woodhouse took the third cash prize and some bottles were awarded to the other players who made it to the final table.

Finally, to finish off the first season, there was a “Heads up” competition on 19th November in which players compete, one on one, in a knockout format. Richard Thomas won this event, overcoming Paul Meade in the final.

With so many winners, you are probably wondering “Where are the pictures?” Well, there is now a digital camera on standby in the Club for such events, and pictures were indeed taken. And as soon as Laurie provides me with a geniunely idiot proof guide, we may get some usable pictures. I really didn’t think a double exposure was possible with a digital camera! Trust me, it is.

Snooker – Eddie Carr Trophy
This year’s Eddie Carr snooker trophy was won by Lawrence Millington. Last year’s winner, Chris Beavis was second.



2008 charity fundraising

The charities selected as beneficiaries for this year’s fundraising are as follows, in no particular order:

The Fortune Centre of Riding Therapy.
To help towards the cost of a new, specially trained pony to be used with children with physical and learning disabilities.
Christchurch Day Centre
To provide much needed improvements to the dining room including the installation of a sound system.

First Opportunities (based in Ashley Junior School). The unit helps children with physical and learning disabilities and the money will be used towards expanding their “Sensory Room” and building a canopy over the outdoor play area.

The Macmillan Unit at Christchurch Hospital needs no explanation and we will all be aware of members who have received their care.

The Friends of Christchurch Hospital
To assist with their ongoing projects.

Mudeford RNLI – our annual donation.

As ever, there will be many fundraising activities over the festive period including the ever popular Charity Auction on Boxing Day. As you can imagine, donations are rather hard to find in the current economic climate so if you or your company can donate something to auction off, please see a member of the Entertainments Committee or simply ask behind the bar and they will point you in the right direction.

EGM Wed 26th November

A good turn out of 155 members debated the proposed alterations to the Club and eventually agreed not to proceed at the present time.

Emotions ran high and a great many views were expressed so I will try and give what I believe is a reasonable and balanced interpretation with apologies if anyone disagrees:

With a few exceptions, the membership in general, supports improvements to the club
The members are concerned about the effects of the current financial crisis and how it will impact on us
There was some concern as to whether the improvements to facilities would, on their own, increase the bar takings by the amount required to pay off the proposed loan that would fund the work
Some members felt that they should have been presented with more than one option for the re-design. One particularly interesting suggestion from the floor was that perhaps the toilet block could be moved “backwards” into the current cellar to create an enlarged L shaped lounge.
There was concern in some quarters that having an additional room which could be used for functions would lead to hoards of unruly children in the Club (although an EGM would be required before they could be allowed in anyway.)

The overall decision was that the Committee should present members with a range of options in the not too distant future where the effects of the credit crunch on our business are clearer.

My two pennerth
These views are entirely my own and in no way reflect the views of the Committee or any Officials of the Club. If this doesn’t get some letters for the next edition, nothing will. Please do write, whether you agree or not.

If past generations had adopted a “do nothing” attitude, we would have no club today.
I would recommend reading Club Mirror magazine where several clubs are visited and their management interviewed, every month. The picture that emerges is that it is the clubs that provide the best facilities that do the best.
All the figures discussed at the meeting were based on a loan over a ten year period. If we are concerned about the extra takings required to pay it off then perhaps we could look at a 15 or 20 year loan.
Having a function room, if there is space is a great bonus. Forget about screaming kids in wedding receptions, that won’t happen. But it would provide a quiet room for members during entertainment or bingo and a venue for members wishing to host small gatherings whether it be a birthday, anniversary or even a wake.
Doncaster Trade Union and Labour Club has a number of rooms that it hires out for office space and for meeting rooms. This earns them £100,000 a year. Imagine having a function room that we hired out once or twice a week to local businesses as a meeting room for £250 a time. Add on to this what would be spent on food and drinks and it could almost pay for the refurbishment on its own!
A plan of this type cannot be viewed in isolation and ought to be brought to the members in conjunction with a well thought out membership drive. In my opinion we should try and have Under 21 teams for any sport you can name. Get them involved with the club from a young age.
Why do we stick to the idea of only admitting new members once a year? If someone wants to join (and we accept them) then why on earth wait for anything up to a whole year before we let them spend their money over our bar?

Stay in touch and win a bottle!

We know that a great many members have email and those that have made their addresses known to the Club will be aware that Secretary John Oliver sends out occasional notices to ensure members are aware of any important events.

A lot of you however are keeping your email addresses to yourselves. So, this year, when you come to pay your subs, why not have your name and email address written on a piece of paper and John will then add it to his list. And, if more encouragement was needed, there’s a rumour that it could win you a bottle of something warming.


Your letters & emails

It’s another big contribution from Rick Wood this month and he again wins the £10 worth of drinks. Firstly, please read the serious warning about a scam then learn some fascinating facts from
Mudeford’s very own answer to QI.
SCAM WARNING
Can you circulate this around especially as Christmas is fast approaching - it has been confirmed by Royal Mail. The Trading Standards Office are making people aware of the following scam:
A card is posted through your door from a company called PDS (Parcel Delivery Service) suggesting that they were unable to deliver a parcel and that you need to contact them on 0906 6611911 (a premium rate number). DO NOT call this number, as this is a mail scam originating from Belize.
If you call the number and you start to hear a recorded message you will already have been billed £15 for the phone call.
Please advise family members/Friends.

VERY INTERESTING STUFF In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.Coca-Cola was originally green.It is impossible to lick your elbow. (Not if you have a chain saw it isn’t – Ed)Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts – Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander, the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?A. ObsessionQ. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. HoneyIn Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
(Try it if you dare! – Ed)At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.

And a drink goes to Liz for this (brace yourselves gentlemen).

Dear Sir,

Having just heard the Queen’s Speech regarding the Equality Bill I would just like to point out that it will not take ANY building alterations to comply with, what will be, the law. All it will take is a handy person with a screw driver to remove the offending notice on the bar door!

Liz Westall


Events you’ve already missed …

Wincanton pub crawl race trip by Jeff Arnold
This trip first started ten tears ago and has been continued due to popular demand. The Club ran this year’s outing to the National Hunt meeting at Wincanton on 9th October. The prayer mats worked as the weather was like a summer’s day. On the way to the track we stopped at The Half Moon at Horsington, which is a proper village pub serving good food and even better real ale! Leaving after one and a half hours the only complaint was from Dave Sweetman who claimed the venison was two deer!!

At the track the going was perfect for racing plus good sized fields. Having to leave the bar every half an hour to watch a race was a slight inconvenience but we survived! The day was rounded off with a stop at the White Horse at Downton before returning to the Club. Nobody admitted to winning much money but it was still a really good day out. Looking forward to the same next year.

Cabaret night – 29th November
A good sized crowd enjoyed the welcome return of the Cabaret Night. Jason Dean hosted the event (catch him in the Club in January) and in addition to a disco there was a male vocalist (Jenks) and some well received comedy from four-piece act, Xerox, whom many members have expressed a desire to see again. Indeed Dinner Dance ‘09 was mentioned but a certain Committee member (I shalln’t embarrass His Lordship by naming him) had already booked them for another function that night!

Don’t miss these …

Kids Christmas Party – 13th December

Grand Christmas Draw – 18th-20th December. With hundreds of prizes, as ever, but this year, also with one star prize drawn each night!

Over 60s snooker – 18th and 19th December. Can Charles Denney make it three consecutive wins in the singles and doubles with partner Ken Ellwood?

Sloe gin competition – Sunday 21st December if the sloe shortage doesn’t scupper it!

Boxing Day Auction – in aid of our nominated charities. Come and grab a bargain. 1pm start.

Children’s pantomime – 3rd January to see Peter Pan at the Pavilion.

Annual balloon race – Sun 11th January, weather permitting.


Contact info:

Next issue: March - unless something big happens
Write to: Newslink via the Club.
E-mail via www.mudefordmens.co.uk