A couple of silly jokes ...

I heard these recently ... I came home today to discover that my wife had fitted a large mirror to the bedroom ceiling. Now she can watch herself having headaches. {This one only really works better when spoken out loud} A rabbit walks into a pub and orders a pint of bitter and a cheese and ham toastie. The barman is somewhat taken aback but, after confirming the rabbit's age, and his ability to pay, obliges. The rabbit eat the toastie, drinks the pint and leaves. Nest day, the same thing happen - pint of bitter, cheese and ham toastie. And so it continues for weeks. Word gets around and suddenly, the pub is transformed from a remote struggling local, into a tourist hotspot with crowds coming from miles around to witness the talking, beer drinking, toastie eating rabbit. Well, one day, the pub is so busy that when the rabbit orders his usual, the barman has to tell him "Sorry, we've run out of ham. Can I get you some other kind of toastie, maybe cheese and onion." The rabbit isn't happy but reluctantly agrees. The next day, no rabbit. Nor the day after. Eventually, the pub returns to the deserted local of before when, one day, the ghost of the rabbit walks in through the door. "What happened to you?" said the barman. "I died." replied the rabbit. "What from?" "Mixin' me toasties." (Sorry ...)