BBC to launch new talent show

Yes, amid great excitment for the cerebrally challenged who enjoy watching their lives drift past as they stare at a bunch of wannabees indulging the in longest auditions in history, the BBC announces a new sure fire blockbuster for Saturday night. The new show "Going Thora Song" will attempt to find a new replacement for the sadly missed DameThora Hird. As you may be aware, Thora's departure in 2003 left the Beeb with a major gap to fill. They currently have over 200 slight reworkings of the "Last of the summer wine" script that are waiting to be recorded as new episodes but, as yet, there is nobody to dispense advice on the skill of achieving male domination via combative cake making to the younger female generation of the series. What's more, doctors fear for the health of playwright Alan Bennett who is said to be "word-bound" having been unable to find any suitable receptacle for his emissions in five years. The new show is expected to differ very little from the now accepted format. A troupe of enthusiastic hopefuls will be found who are all prepared to do "anything" to fulfil their showbiz dreams because, after all this is what they were all "born to do." Do anything that is except enroll at drama school, learn the business from the bottom up by the old fashioned expedient of a few years hard work. Concern at the BBC is running high as this is not their first attempt to replace Dame Thora. The first, unsuccessfull attempt was based on the idea that, if someone with a name similar enough was found, it would be adequate to satisfy most of the audience. This assertion was based on the recommendations of a £300,000 study conducted by the son of one of the Beeb's directors. Anyway, the decision to cast former Home Secretary Douglas Hurd in the "Summer wine" role met with failure after Hurd's legendary hairstyle could not be compressed into the required hairnet and furthermore, he was dissatisfied at the econonic model employed by the local cafe in the series - a situation which culminated in an exchange of aggressively thrown teacakes with Peter Sallis. Thus, the Beeb hope that the search for "Thora Hird the Third" will bring an end to these troubled times.