Riots

Yesterday Parliament was recalled with hundreds of thieves helping themselves to whatever they wanted with total disregard for the law. And later, after claiming their expenses they talked about the riots.

Interesting that various football games have been cancelled. Presumably this is due to concerns over health and safety. After all, it would be unreasonable to expect the little darlings to have to riot in two different places in one day.

Predicting where riots may or may not occur – easy. Simply look at the town or city concerned and award them two points for each Premiership football team or international cricket venue they have. Award one point for a lower division football league team or a county cricket ground. Get four points or more and you have riots. Try it, it works!

In television news, it has been reported that ITV are preparing a new gameshow. Teams led by Jordan and a star of horror films (called Vincent) will attempt to help themselves to goods from shop windows as the Police look on. It will be called The Prices Riot. Come on down.

How to prevent it happening again – simple too. Provide every organisation for gay people in the country a free lifetime supply of hoodies. Make it a legal requirement for any hoodie made or imported to have “Proud to be gay” in large letters, front and back. Job done.