Newslink September 2008

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for Mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that images and formatting are absent. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club September 2008 Medal success for Mudeford! Forget the Olympics- the real news is that MMC has been winning things left right and centre. In just a few short weeks we have won our annual matches against Southbourne Ex Services in snooker, golf and bowls! Not only that, but since the last Newslink there have been many other success stories for the Club. The Pussyfoot Dinner was thought to be one best in recent memory, if not ever. Pussyfoot – June 2008 Ladies Night this year involved a trip to see “Joseph” in Bournemouth and reports state that it was a brilliant night. We can’t forget the annual jolly to Ascot and of course the Marrow Competition - and we’ve even had some submissions to Newslink! Sadly though, you will be aware that we recently lost Ken Falla, a man with many years of dedicated service to the Club as both President and Secretary. We don’t normally do obituaries as, sadly, there would be room for little else, but, on this occasion, by special request of the Committee, Laurie would like to say a few words about Ken and his contribution. “A wonderful work colleague and friend, Ken was President twice and then secretary for 10 years – a feat which I doubt will be surpassed. I remember my last AGM as Vice-President, in Ken’s speech he said that he loved the work he did for MMC and its members and, if he started his life over, he would do it all again. He never stopped working for the club, his last piece of craftsmanship being the Charity Board that is on the wall in the lounge bar. Ken was a true gentleman; I was proud to be his friend and will miss him greatly, as I am sure many members will. Rest in Peace.” Bowls – by Eric Jesty - “IT’S BACK!” The annual bowls match with Southbourne Ex Service Club was played on the 15th June 2008, for the first leg, and the 17th August 2008 for the second. A great turn around this year, the first leg was won by 33. This was a wonderful effort by all players, and a good morning was had by all. The second leg was closer, 83/83. So thanks to the 33 lead in the first leg, the Toucher Trophy comes back to Mudeford where it was made by that master with a piece of wood, Albert Raven. My thanks to the club for sponsoring the match, and my thanks to all the players for their support. (Well played). The victorious bowlers Looking forward to next year and bringing the trophy back again. PS The trophy will be presented in the club later. Bob Sellick forgot to get it from the engravers! Golf by John Oliver The Golf Society, now in it’s second year, continues to make good progress. In April, on a blustery afternoon 19 members played the testing Knighton Heath course. The Winner was Howard Knight with 37 points. A good score under the difficult conditions. Winner of the nearest the pin was Ian Thomson and the longest drive went to newcomer Mike Snow. Mark Roper, Fred Sadler and Paul Sadler about to tee off In June the Society played Meyrick Park, again on a blustery day. Excellent scoring, and our erudite Social Secretary, Mark Roper come home first with an enterprising 33 points. Despite a 2 shot cut to his handicap, Mark again won the day at Moors Valley in July, with an outstanding score of 42 points (which will lead to a further 4 shot reduction to his handicap!) Update - 28th August 2008 After a good summer of golf the Mudeford Members excelled themselves with a splendid win, on August 22nd at Dudsbury, against the ‘Old Enemy’ – Southbourne Ex-Servicemen’s Club. On a splendidly warm, sunny afternoon, 12 members of each Club tee’d off for a 4 ball better ball contest. The result was a win for the MMC 4 games to 2. So the MMC regained the trophy lost to Southbourne in 2007 and it will now grace our trophy cabinet for the next year. The golf Society continues to grow in numbers and welcomes all new members from the Club. The final day of the 2008 season will be at Bulbury Woods on the 19th September, when members will play an 18 holes competition, and after lunch a further 9 hole contest. This will round up the excellent year for the Golf Society, with bigger things in the pipeline for 2009. Darts – by Paul Groves At the end of June Mudeford b darts team and Southbourne Ex Servicemen’s Club 5 a side football team (plus a few others) got together for a weekend in Magaluf Majorca. This was to celebrate a few 40th birthdays and a 50th birthday (no names no embarrassment) Great time was had by all with a mixed age group all coming together for a great weekend, 18 of us in all went. We were even out there for the Euro 2008 final and of coarse we all cheered for the Spanish to win, couldn't see a German for toffee after the defeat. but a great night, those Spanish know how to celebrate, major lack of sleep that night. The older ones of us took a week to get over it!!!!! In the photo you can see some well know faces even a committee member can be seen. Marrow Competition Sunday 7th September saw the annual Marrow Competition. It was another great lunchtime, with live music from Paul Hammond and an extension too! The first prize winners Before getting into the lists of winners it is only right that thanks are given to the many people without whose help it would not have been possible. I’m bound to forget someone so please don’t take offence if it’s you! Firstly, as ever, the wonderful staff behind the bar (and Kirsty who helped us avoid a disaster!) who do so much more than just keep us supplied with drinks. Thanks also to Laurie and Roger for their support and advice in the run up to the event and to Roger for being MC on the day. We must thank the judges. Doreen Davis and Jacqui Reddell judged both the flower arrangements and the funniest vegetable categories. Thanks also to Jacky Ellwood and Norman “The Laird” Grindley for judging the Jam and Chutney respectively - despite the fact that they both made a gross error in not recognising the brilliance of the Rummy Plum Pot and the Cherry Tomato and Celery chutney which both somehow got overlooked when the prizes were awarded. A mystery indeed. As a thank you gift, Norman was presented with a pot of horseradish sauce – given that he had just won four prizes on the meat draw (although to be fair, he did put back two of them). Alas, for poor Norman, he couldn’t appreciate his roast beef when he got home due to his mouth still being on fire due to the chilli content of one of the chutneys! Special thanks also to Gordon Nash and Mo Marshall who spent at least two hours measuring and weighing everything whilst constantly battling a very uncooperative set of bathroom scales! Also, Ray Reddell did a fantastic job selling “raffle” tickets. Now, this was to have been the “Guess the weight of the cabbage” competition. However, a slight fly in the ointment was the lack of a suitable (or indeed any) cabbage. With typical good grace, Roger agreed to change the competition from “Guess the weight of the cabbage” to “Guess the weight of the Vice President” – insert your own joke here. The prize was a magnificent teddy bear very kindly donated by Terry Wright and a bottle of Cava donated by Roger. We had a dead heat for first place between Iris Drayson and Steve Sloper who both guessed an 10 stone 5 pounds. In a fiercely contested play off, Iris claimed the win after being closest to guessing the weight of Clive Vassie. And what’s more, Iris kindly donated the teddy back to us so you’ll probably see that raising a good sum of money for charity over the Christmas period. And let’s not forget the people who very kindly donated prizes and indeed produce to sell on the day, they include: The Committee, the Brewery, Brian Jerrard, Roger Masterman, Moira Sterland, Gordon Nash and Norman Grindley Finally, a big thank you to everyone who paid the £1 to take part and everyone who bought produce or guessed at Roger’s weight. Due to your generosity, we were able to put £132.80 into the charity fund. Now, to the serious business of the winners … In the Marrow category, Percy Caws sneaked in for 3rd prize by just 2 ounces whilst Dave Sweetman took second. But the clear winner with a weight of 21 pounds 3 ounces (9.61kg) was Danny Drayson. Moving onto the Pumpkins, Percy and Dave swapped places in second and third respectively and, yes, you guessed it, another clear win for Danny Drayson with an excellent 44.5 pound (20.2kg) specimen. These two wins were enough to secure Danny the title of Overall Winner, The Jim Ward Memorial Trophy for a year and a 1.5 litre bottle of whiskey. Danny, to his great credit, donated the whiskey for auction and (if my memory serves me correctly, this was bought by Hugh Jones, raising £27 for the charity fund). Kind of ironic that even in the rare event of Hugh not winning the title himself, he still got the whiskey! Special mention also has to be made of Denis Webb who entered his “pumpkin” which was too small to register on even the kitchen scales. After a quick dash down the road to Stanpit Wines by Liz, Denis was presented, appropriately, with a miniature of whiskey. HOWEVER: Upon closer inspection after the competition, Denis’s blatant fraud was uncovered when the “pumpkin” was discovered to be plastic! But since he auctioned off the miniature for charity, at several times face value, I suppose we can let him off! In the Runner Beans category the competition was much closer with Tony Gabb gaining third place with a combined length of 102.8 inches. In second place was Anne Jerrard (111 inches) but pipping her to the post was Brian Jerrard with 112.2 inches (285 cm). Onions, and it was another prize for Brian Jerrard (third) with renowned onion expert Eric Jesty in second but this year it was Terry Wright who was the popular winner with a magnificent 12 pounds 7.5 ounces (5.65kg). In the tomatoes, there was an excellent 3rd prize for Joan Pinfield who hadn’t been planning on entering until she was bullied into it (mentioning no names, Liz)! Jack Marland took second place just three ounces behind winner Hugh Jones (3 pounds 10 ounces). The Funniest Veg competition was a bit of a let down. In the past, when it had to be a potato, there were lots of entries. When you got the choice of any vegetable you like, we got only two and they were both spuds! Anyway, Liz Westall took second with her “unbaked spud” complaining about the so called “summer” we didn’t have and Denis Webb was selected as winner for his family of three potato ducks (at least I think they were ducks!). We haven’t found out yet if and how Denis cheated in this category but no doubt the truth will one day emerge! There was strong competition in the Floral Arrangement in a cup and saucer. The judges couldn’t split Julie Lockwood and Liz Westall who shared 3rd prize (lucky we had that spare prize from the silly veg!) with 2nd place going to Jean Ellwood while Pat Bearman was the winner with a home grown offering (another victim of Liz’s “encouragement!”) The Jams and Chutneys are always good competitions with some real experts taking part, and also me. So it was all the more pleasing to see some new names taking on the big boys … In the Jam, Liz Westall took 3rd with a blackberry and apple recipe which I can confirm (with inside knowledge) is getting better the longer it matures, or whatever it is that jams do. Dave Jones’ Strawberry and Apricot took second place but it was our esteemed Secretary, John Oliver, who took the glory with his Greengage Jam. If like me, you aren’t too familiar with the Greengage, it is “an edible drupaceous fruit, a cultivar of the plum.” Right, that’s that cleared up then. It was apparently imported into Britain in 1724 by Sir William Gage. As the Daily Mail would no doubt point out – “Bloody foreign fruit coming over here and taking work away from our British plums.” Anyway, well done John. But the Oliver glory didn’t end there as Sally Oliver took first prize in the chutney with her Onion Marmalade which was to die for, so Norman tells me. Normal service was resumed with the chutney-meister Hugh Jones claiming 2nd and 3rd prizes with his Irish Marrow and Green Bean offerings. And if you have any suggestions for next year’s comp, please let us know and make a note on your calendars to get planting next year! The Poker League Wednesday nights (8pm start) have seen the introduction of the Texas Hold ‘Em poker league. Entrants pay a £5 entry fee each week with a cash prize for the winner and earn points for reaching the latter stages of each week’s competition. The game is then played for chips, not cash, so you won’t lose your house! Some of the prize money is put to one side to be played for in the final where the top 16 points scorers will compete for the title. However, so far only 16 people have taken part so, if a few more of you join in, then there really will be something to compete for. And with five players yet to score points, someone could easily start playing now and still make the final. And can I say that it’s nice to see some lady members getting involved. Current standings are as follows: Nick Coates – 14 pts Kevin Hastings and Jeff Cossey – 10 pts Rob Boulton and Richard Thomas – 8 pts Darren Keeping – 5 pts Julia Brolan – 4 pts Richard Biggs – 3 pts Denise Hayes, Gordon Wallace and Ben Woodhouse – 2 pts Jeff Morgan, Nathan Farrant, Paul Meade, Harry Sloper and Glenn Wilkinson – 0 pts. Weekend entertainment For those who venture out at the weekends … September Sat 13th Lucky Sat 20th Coroma Disco Sun 21st Paul Hammond Sat 27th Blowin' Free October Sat 4th DJ Langer Sat 11th (Ext’n) Football Club Fund Raiser Filmed Race Night Sun 12th Paul Hammond Sat 18th Adagio Music Sat 25th Gold Disco November Sat 1st Odessa Sat 8th Gem Roadshow Sat 15th(Ext’n) 40's 50's 60's Night Sun 16th Paul Hammond Sat 22nd Cookie Roadshow Sat 29th (Ext’n) Cabaret Night with Xerox and Des Law December Sat 6th DJ Langer Sat 13th Brian Moon & the Satellites Sat 20th (Ext’n) Christmas Draw Xmas Eve Coroma Disco Boxing Day Arfur Word Sat 27th Filmed Race Night NYE Wed 31st Cookie Roadshow Upcoming events Cabaret night – 29th November Charity month – launched 29th November Eddie Carr Trophy – October Your letters & emails Wow, I can’t believe it. It took a year and a half to happen but this month the entries have been flooding in. This is especially good as it means I won’t have to upset anyone else by publishing anagrams of their names to fill the space! I think it’s only fair that the honour of being the first winner should go to Rick/Fred Wood (so good they named him twice!) for this set of amazing coincidences linking Presidents Lincoln and Kennedy. Rick, if you’d care to have a word with the Steward, you’ll find £10 worth of drinks waiting for you behind the bar. Well done! Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living in the White House. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday. Both Presidents were shot in the head Now it gets really weird. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy. Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln. Both were assassinated by Southerners. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808. Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939. Both assassins were known by their three names. Both names are composed of fifteen letters. Now hang on to your seat. Lincoln was shot at the theatre named 'Ford.' Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.' Lincoln was shot in a theatre and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse. Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theatre. Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials. And here's the kicker... A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot … (you can fill this bit in yourselves) And this wins a pint for Clive Vassie We have edited this one as it made War and Peace look like a recipe for beans on toast! Please note that any issues related to ill health or sudden death caused by following the advice in this article should be addressed to Mr. C. Vassie and NOT Newslink! Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life, is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it … don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruit and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all… Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have one body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only do sit ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. And another pint goes to … Dave Ashby - who found a newspaper cutting (we don’t know the paper or the date) with a poem about the Marrow Competition. Can any member give us a clue who might have written it and where or when it was published? Ode to a Pumpkin Winston grew a pumpkin, It grew both fat and wide, But when he came to pick it up To give the thing a ride, Down to the Mudeford Men’s Club For the annual marrow night He found he couldn’t lift it He tried with all his might. He pulled the thing, he pushed it, It was plain he needed help, Four men it took to lift it, It made them puff and yelp. At the club it arrived for all to see And was rolled across the floor, Now we know why the committee Decided to widen that old front door. Contact info … Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail via the Club website www.mudefordmens.co.uk Or call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink June 2008

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that images and formatting are absent. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club June 2008 How to fill a Newslink? Here we go again, newsletter time and I’m sitting at home, with a stinking cold and a temperature. Hang on, I’m a man, it’s not a cold it’s flu. No, hang on, all blokes get flu, this must be bird flu. At least. What am I wittering on about I hear you ask? Well, I’ve just typed in all the stuff I have for this issue and it’s just too much to fit onto one double sided A4 sheet but nowhere near enough to fill up two. So, having used up all my funny sports commentator quotes, I need to rabbit on a bit to fill the space. As you can see, we haven’t even got a photo to add a bit of colour to the front page. Come on ladies and gents, many people now have digital cameras and cameras on their phones, so please, if there’s something to take a snap of, do it and send us a copy. A photo of our team holding the Frank Selleck Trophy aloft would have been nice. So please, if you have anything that could help fill up a future issue, send it in. It doesn’t matter too much what it is, an idea to improve the club, a good old fashioned rant, a joke, whatever. We can’t guarantee to publish everything, but we’ll do our best. Okay, still over a page left to fill. Right, I’ll tweak the margins a bit, that’ll help. Did it. Still over a page left. At this point, I went into a lengthy rant about various subjects including the weekend’s telly being dominated by Graham Norton trying to find himself a Nancy, second homes for MPs and the 42 days detention without trial debate. However, I was made to see reason and concede that Newslink is perhaps not the vehicle for impassioned political debate. So, instead, more of the sort of inane drivel that you’ve come to know and love tolerate. Anagrams are the subject this month. Why? Well, I was walking the dog and desperate to think of something to fill these pages and suddenly I was hit by an anagram of the name of one of the Committee and then, I just couldn’t stop myself. Even as I write, I have visions of my being hauled before the powers that be on a Monday night to explain myself and take the rap. How about a little competition? The next time I see the President, I’ll try and twist his arm to come up with a small prize for the best anagram submitted by a member. The only conditions are that we can print it and that it has some connection to the Club. To get you started, here’s some (Committee based) ideas that I came up with whilst eating my lunchtime sandwich. As you may know, President Laurie Wilkinson spends so much time in planes that only NASA will accept his air miles. As he takes his seat, many an air stewardess has commented “UK alien is in row L.” Secretary John Oliver is much more difficult and I had to cheat and use the letters of “John Oliver, Secretary” which gives us “Select honorary jiver” in tribute to his famed dancefloor skills. Talking of renowned dancers, it takes very little thought to realise that “Mark Roper” is an anagram of “Mork raper” – whatever would Mindy say? No piece of this type would be complete without a mention of the Godfather himself, Gordon Nash, who’s name is an anagram of “Rash non-god.” That’s another kidney punch I’ve got to look forward to. Perhaps most worrying amongst this collection is the name of our esteemed Treasurer, “Dave Hastings” which rearranges into “Savings hated!” The Laird himself, “Norman Grindley” offers a wealth of alternatives but I’ll stick to just the one and leave the rest for you to find. Imagine when Norman is visiting some distant relatives in their aristocratic castle in the Rhine Valley or the Black Forest and you get “Lord N. in Germany.” Last, and by no means least, the man whose name could have been designed for anagrammers everywhere, such is the wealth of possibilities. I will leave you with just a few and my sincerest apologies to the great man who is “Roger Masterman.” A few of the 15 I have so far include: A more strange Mr. Mr. M. T. Arse – an ogre Re-arm gas mentor Tremors manager Mm, great arse Ron Ma gets error man More errant mags German smear rot Mr. rat arse gnome Club Entertainment For those that dare venture outdoors at weekends … June Saturday 14th Gem Roadshow Saturday 21st Social Evening Sunday 22nd Paul Hammond (lunchtime) Saturday 28th Pussyfoot Dinner July Saturday 5th Blitz Disco Sunday 6th Colin Lann (lunchtime) Saturday 12th Envy Saturday 19th Discomania Sunday 20th Paul Hammond (lunchtime) Saturday 26th The Word August Saturday 2nd Filmed race night Sunday 3rd Colin Lann (lunchtime) Saturday 9th Gold Disco Saturday 16th Brian Moon & the Satellites Sunday 17th Paul Hammond (lunchtime) Saturday 23rd Gem Roadshow Saturday 30th Band TBA Committee Elections All Officers and Management Committee members who stood were re-elected and congratulations go to Clive Vassie for his election to Committee. Sports, games and competitions Snooker – the Frank Selleck Trophy Despite being 7-4 down from the home leg, our all conquering kings of the green baize travelled to Southbourne Ex-Servicemen’s Club and won the annual trophy in a final frame thriller in which past presidents Pitcher and Ashby put the opponents to the sword. Even more impressively, this year both clubs agreed which venue to play at and didn’t have a repeat of 2007 when both teams tried to play an away match on the same night. Snooker – Pussyfoot pairs This year’s trophy was won by Lawrence Millington and Rob Boulton with Kevin Mundy and Ian Coles as runners up. MMC Golf Society News – Spring 2008 by John Oliver The Club’s Golf Society year has got off to a good start after an excellent afternoon at Knighton Heath in April and the Len Taylor Golf Day at Highcliffe on the 23rd May. Steve Welsh came in first in the Len Taylor with 40 points on the par 64 track. Runner up was Laurie Coles with 38 points. 60 Club Members took part on a splendid day, excellently organised by our golf enthusiast Steward, Gordon Wallace. The evening celebrations were extensive and were rounded off with a £134 share of the charity monies collected. This will go to the MMC charity fund. Forthcoming events: Meyrick Park – Friday 27th June Moors Valley – Friday 18th July Dudsbury G.C. – Friday 22nd August – match versus Southbourne E.S. Bulbury Woods – Friday 19th September - all day event with coach from the Club. Why not join in the swing and support our next events? Ladies Darts Christchurch Ladies Dart League held their annual darts presentation at the club on Thursday 22nd May. A Very good night, which was enjoyed by all. Gem Roadshow was an excellent disco and Roger (Masterman) presented trophies for us (he had his hair cut especially for it, bless him). Congratulations this year go to MMC `C` Ladies Team. They were Division 2 Runners Up which means they are promoted to Division 1 next season and they were also Runners Up for Division 2 Gallon Cup. Well done to them. A very big thank you to the club from the Officers and Committee of the Christchurch Ladies Darts League for once again allowing us to use the club for this function. Sharon Morgan Mudeford Club Ladies Darts Representative & Chairman of Christchurch Ladies Dart League. Charity Noticeboard You may have noticed that a new board has appeared in the lounge to keep the members better informed about our charitable works. The board was kindly made by former President and Secretary Ken Falla and we wish him well with his health problems as indeed we do for the many members who seem to be poorly at the moment. Master carver Albert Raven has produced a wonderful nameplate for the board and hopefully this will be in place in the near future, as soon as the Committee can find a screwdriver! Where there’s life, there’s hope Congratulations to quiz team The No Hopers. I’m sure they won’t mind me saying that they took a while to find their feet in the Tuesday night quiz (I think the clue is in the team name). However, their perseverance paid off and they recently managed a magnificent victory, in spite of the name! If they are wondering why this event deserves a mention in Newslink, well, it’s because a) There’s lots of space to fill, and b) It was specifically requested by someone. I’ll mention no names but you might like to concentrate your thoughts starkly in the direction of the bar. Upcoming events Pussyfoot Dinner 28th June Once again we commemorate the founders of the Club with a seafood dinner in their honour with entertainment provided by Gil Morris. Once again, tickets sold out in minutes so, if you haven’t got one, you’ll need to keep an eye out for any returns. This year, Pussyfoot will be a jacket and tie event as befits a commemorative dinner. Gentlemen, you have been warned! Pussyfoot waiters wanted! If you haven’t got a ticket why not come along as one of our highly valued waiters. There are many benefits to this: You get fed If your table likes you, you might pick up a few quid in tips You definitely won’t go home thirsty You get to see the act for nothing If you are interested, please contact Entertainments and Activities Co-ordinator, Mark Roper. Ladies Night Details aren’t finalised yet but it looks like it will be a trip to the Pavilion for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. Going along with the current trend, perhaps we could ask the producers if, rather than actually employing an actor for the role of Joseph (crazy idea or what), we could run auditions at the Club and maybe get one of the Committee in the role. “Roger and his Amazing Technicolour Cardigan” perhaps. The date will be a Wednesday, either the 30th July or the 6th or 13th August. As ever, tickets will be subsidised and demand will be high so keep an eye out on the noticeboards. Marrow Competition Sunday 7th Sept The return of the annual horticultural extravaganza that is the Marrow Competition. If you happen to be one of those people who doesn’t grow marrows, all is not lost as there are many categories to choose from and lots of prizes to be won on the day. The rules are simple. If it’s a chutney or jam, make it yourself. If it’s a vegetable category, grow it yourself. Don’t acquire it from Sainsbury’s and do make sure it’s presentable and not a decaying pile of fungal glop! Also, after some controversy last year, we have been asked to point out: NO genetically modified Frankensteinian hybrids! - there are rumours that one of last year’s “marrows” (you remember, it had a bolt through its neck and a faraway mad look in several of its eyes) escaped and wreaked havoc in the New Forest, injuring a number of people! Categories for 2008 Heaviest marrow Heaviest pumpkin Heaviest five onions Heaviest five tomatoes Longest five runner beans Best jam Best chutney Prettiest flower arrangement in a cup and saucer Funniest vegetable (you can dress it up if you wish) Can you donate a prize? A number of members regularly donate a bottle to be used as a prize and we are very grateful. If you or your company would like to make a small donation, please do. Bottles are always welcome but it could be anything at all. The more donations we get, the fewer prizes have to be bought and the more money gets put into the Charity Fund. 2007 winners – can you please ensure that you return your trophies in good time, for engraving. Please liaise with our steward, Gordon Wallace. Your letters & emails It’s now 16 months since the President kindly agreed that the best item received from a member and printed in each issue of Newslink would receive £10 to spend over the bar. All other items printed would get a drink. The result: zero, zilch, nothing, not one iota. Surely, someone out there has something to say. (Another) politically incorrect tale This one comes from Pete McCarthy’s book, “McCarthy’s Bar.” It was overheard in a conversation between two Irishmen (edited due to some un-Newslinky language). “So Pat goes on Mastermind. He goes and sits in the chair in the spotlight, like, and they announce his specialist subject: “Ireland, the Easter Rising and the War of Independence, 1916 to 1921.” “Start the clock,” says yer man. “First question, name one of the leaders of the Easter Rising of 1916.” “Pass” “Name the IRA leader who led the fight against the British before agreeing to partition.” “Pass” “Name the first president of the Irish Free State” “Pass” A voice shouts out from the audience, “Good man Pat, tell the b******s nothing.” Contact info just in case … Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail via the Club website www.mudefordmens.co.uk Or call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink March 2008

This newsletter was created (free of charge) for mudeford Men's club by Lware Limited. Please note that images and formatting are absent. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club March 2008 Annual Dinner Dance 2008 Friday March 7th saw the Club’s 80th anniversary dinner dance and fittingly, most agreed it was the best one for years. Both the food and the entertainment were excellent. President Laurie Wilkinson opened the event with a letter from former President John Bachelor who wished all the members well. It is worth noting that John will have been a member for 50 years on March 29th. The President was going to take the mickey out of Honoured Guest Gordon Nash but decided against it for reasons of personal safety, having watched the scene in The Untouchables where Al Capone bludgeons a fellow dinner guest to death with a baseball bat. So instead, he kindly asked me to do it right here … Guest of Honour, Gordon “The Godfather” Nash and his moll Penny. As you may know, Gordon’s name was recently cleared after a Coventry gang were arrested for the infamous Total garage hold up – you remember – the one in which Gordy appeared in the Echo swearing that he hadn’t seen a thing as he was too busy Hoovering. A mere coincidence that the getaway car had been parked at his house all day … Luckily, none of the gang have grassed yet … Also in the news … Laurie Wilkinson and Cllr Ray Nottage present a cheque to the Mayor Cllr Josephine Spencer and Dina Godwin of Ward 10, RBH Read all about the money you raised for charity over Christmas and how it will be spent. Denney’s double-double delight as he receives the Over 60s singles trophy (runner up Roy Dupree) Not only did Charles Denney (right) become the first player to retain the Over 60s snooker title, he, along with Ken Ellwood also became the first pair to retain the doubles title! Congratulations on a remarkable achievement. Yes, it’s the “Fill John Oliver’s garden with balloons” competition again. Club Entertainment March Sat 15th The Word Sun 16th Paul Hammond - Lunchtime Sat 22nd Coroma Disco. Extension Sat 29th Odessa April Sat 5th DJ Langer Sat 12th Shoestring Blues Band Sat 19th Disco TBA Sun 20th Paul Hammond - Lunchtime Sat 26th Brian Moon and the Satellites May Sat 3rd Cookie Roadshow Sat 10th Coroma Disco & Football Club Presentation. Extension Fri 16th Gold Disco & Darts Presentation Night. Extension Sat 17th Filmed Race Night Sun 18th Paul Hammond - Lunchtime Sat 24th Disco TBA Sat 31st Blowin' Free June Sat 7th Lucky Sat 14th Gem Roadshow Sat 21st Band TBA Sun 22nd Paul Hammond - Lunchtime Sat 28th Pussyfoot Dinner with Gil Morris. Extension Charity fundraising 2007/8 The annual Charity Presentation was held on Sunday 24th February where the club gave away cheques to the value of £4,000 thanks to the generosity of you, the members. All the usual events took place, raffles and draws, balloon race, Boxing Day Auction etc. This year, the latter raised over £1,500 – an excellent total. The Club would like to thank not only those local businesses who donated items but also to Clive and Mark Vassie who assisted the Entertainments Committee in collecting donations. The President would also like to specially thank Roger Masterman and Sharon Morgan for all their hard work over the whole Christmas period, given that they had just lost their father, Stan. Special thanks also to Joey Hastings for donating his gorilla costume to be auctioned. Apparently, Roger Masterman did model it, but unfortunately, we only got a picture of him in his normal state … Roger Masterman who later put on a gorilla costume. This year’s recipients were as follows: The Mayor of Christchurch Cllr Josephine Spencer accepted a cheque (£500) towards improvements to facilities in the Oncology Department at the Royal Bournemouth Hospital as this is one of her nominated charities for her year in office. She was accompanied by Dina Godwin who works on the ward and was a familiar face to many members who have been touched by the effects of cancer. Alison Smith, Headmistress of Christchurch Junior School accepted a donation of £1,000 towards the £200,000 cost of providing a roof for the swimming pool. From the Forest Dene Unit of Christchurch Hospital, Sister Sue Farndon accepted a cheque for £1,000 towards the cost of blood pressure recording equipment. Representing Mudeford Phoenix Girls and Ladies Football Club, Frank Hunt (Chairman) thanked the club for the donation of £1,000 toward kit and training equipment. In three years the club has grown from 11 girls to 70, plus the adult players. For Mudeford RNLI Andy Hack accepted a donation of £250 and explained that 85p in every pound raised is used directly to fund lifeboat operations with the remaining 15p used for fundraising promotions. He pointed out that in the UK, an RNLI lifeboat is launched an average of 23 times a day and they receive no government funding. Finally, another organisation that receives no official funding is Julia’s House. This was not one of our original charities this year, but, due to the generosity of the members there was a little “spare” cash and so it was decided that Julia’s House should benefit. Accepting a cheque for £250, Chairman Mike Wise, who was himself recently honoured with an MBE for charity work, explained that the unit must raise the entire £1.9m annual budget despite the fact that they save the NHS around £3m through the work they do. Finally, keep an eye out for the new Charity Notice board in the Lounge. This will allow members will to see more clearly what we raise and how the money is spent. Sports, games and competitions Over 60s snooker 19/20 Dec 2007 - Chas and Ken ride again Singles: Chas Denney beat Roy Dupree in the final to retain the title – a first. Promising whippersnapper Dave Ashby displayed some early form but lost in semi final. Doubles: Chas & Ken Ellwood beat Steve Hill & Paul Mead to retain the doubles title – another first. Ken Ellwood and Charles Denney receive their Doubles trophy from Roger Masterman and Bernie Pitcher. Finals Night Thanks from Laurie Wilkinson go to Phil Marchi for his work to make Finals Night such a success. Crib singles Winner: R Stickland Runner up: J Warner Crib doubles Winners: J Sheppard & A Mathews Runners up: G Needs & A Jeffers Dominoes singles Winner: G Needs Runner up: D Tomkins Dominoes doubles Winners: J Warner & D Tomkins Runners up: B Glasspool & A Goodman Darts singles Winner: Gary Howlett Runner up: Martin Wood Darts doubles Winners: Gary Howlett & Matt Ramsier Runners up: Simon Richards & Dan Walker Billiards Winner: L Millington Runner up: D Sheppeard Snooker Winner: I Wooley Runner up: J Challen Sloe Gin Competition – 23 Dec 2007 Won by Eric Jesty Football'We are nearing the end of the season and are still in with a shout of promotion to Division 1. We currently lay 6th but with games in hand over all the teams above us. We obviously need to win those games but we are more than capable of doing that. There are 9 games left at the time of writing this, so fingers crossed. As far as the team go, Lee Moss (15) and Max Edgell (12) lead the goal scoring tally at the moment - congratulations to both of them and I am sure they will be fighting it out for the coveted leading goal scorer trophy. But everybody has contributed, as ever, to what has been a pretty good first year in Division 2 (W8 D1 L4), so well done. On the social side, our presentation evening is booked at the club on Saturday May 10th for anybody wishing to come along and buy the team a beer / join us for a beer (delete as applicable). Lottery Bingo update: Congratulations to the winners over the last few months - Nathan Farrant (keeping the traditional Farrant win going), Dick Thorpe, Doreen Davies, Wendy Kearley and our Xmas winner Richard Thomas. Rob Smith Chairman MMC Golf Society – by John Oliver The Golf Society held their annual inaugural meeting at the Club on Wednesday 27 Feb. Initial requests from the members attending are: April (**) – Knighton Heath G.C. May 23rd– Highcliffe G.C. – Buffet Presentation at MMC June (**) Barton on Sea July (**) Moors Valley August 23rd – Dudsbury – Comp versus Southbourne Ex-Servicemens September (**) – High Post Salisbury Day out with coach (**) = dates to be confirmed. Anyone seeking further information please contact the Secretary, John Oliver. Your letters & emails All of them, in full. Ta. Upcoming events Grand Easter Egg draw (Sunday 16 March) has probably already happened by the time you read this! Club website Neville Mickelwright has been working hard on the Club website which now boasts an improved Sports area and several new sections including Lottery Bingo (updated weekly) and Entertainments. There’s even a link for you to send items for Newslink. I won’t hold my breath. Visit www.mudefordmens.co.uk to see for yourself what he has achieved. Last of the sports commentator quotes "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" (Greg Norman) "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" (Alan Minter) "Watch the time - it gives you an indication of how fast they are running" (Ron Pickering) "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers" (Murray Walker) "Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales" (Ron Greenwood) "A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin" (Jo Sheldon) "The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation" (Ron Pickering) "That's inches away from being millimetre perfect" (Ted Lowe) "Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him" (Stuart Pearson) "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right" (Marlon Starling) "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" (Terry Venables) "I can't tell who's leading - It's either Oxford or Cambridge" (John Snagge - Boat Race) "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - absolutely round." (Tony Crozier) Contact info: (Why do I bother?) Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx or via the Club web site.Or call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink Christmas 2007

This newsletter was produced (free of charge by Lware Limited for Mudeford Men's Club, Christchurch. Formatting and images are not included. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club December 2007 Happy New Year Another year draws to a close as 2008 beckons. But we can’t let 2007 go without reviewing some of the highs (and lows) of the year. In 2007: The Club donated thousands of pounds to local charities The Club continues to be plagued by idiotic accusations and inaccurate press coverage due to an expelled member’s actions The club left the CIU, freeing us to admit who we choose as members and run the club by our rules (not to mention saving some money) Committee member Gordon Nash featured in the Daily Echo after failing to spot the getaway car for a robbery parked outside his house all morning. Was Nashy really Hoovering or did the “Godfather” turn a blind eye? Gordon and Jacqui Wallace and Fred and Jenny Wood were honoured at the Dinner Dance 1,500 members and 300 lady members between them managed to generate a total of zero letters and emails to this newsletter 126 members manage to vote in committee elections Mark Roper was honoured at Pussyfoot The Club won the Organisation of the Year Award from the Council Smokers were finally driven from the building to the specially adapted, no expense spared, all weather piece of tarmac by the back door. We lost the services of Jeff and Tori from behind the bar The cricket club gained promotion for the firsts and seconds Several great new acts have appeared on Saturday nights with plenty more booked for 2008. Saturday and Xmas entertainment Date Entertainment 19–22 Dec Christmas Draw 23 Dec Sloe Gin Comp - lunchtime 24 Dec Coroma Disco 26 Dec Charity Auction & Arfur Word (duo) - lunchtime 29 Dec Filmed Race Night 31 Dec Alpine Roadshow (disco) 05 Jan Lucky (band) 12 Jan Cookie Roadshow (disco) 13 Jan Balloon Race - lunchtime 19 Jan Envy (band) 26 Jan 40s, 50s & 60s themed night 02 Feb Filmed Race Night 09 Feb Cabaret night – 3 acts 16 Feb Gem Roadshow (disco) 23 Feb Mista Beat (band) 01 Mar Gold Disco 07 Mar Dinner Dance 08 Mar Social Evening 15 Mar TBA 22 Mar Coroma Disco 29 Mar TBA Christmas opening times Date Lunchtime Evening Fri 21 Dec 11:00 – 2:30 6:00 – 12:00 Sat 22 Dec 11:00 – 3:00 6:00 – 12:00 Sun 23 Dec 12:00 – 3:00 7:00 – 11:00 Mon 24 Dec 11:00 – 2:30 6:00 – 12:00 Tue 25 Dec 11:00 – 1:00 Closed Wed 26 Dec 11:00 – 4:00 Closed Thu 27 Dec 11:00 – 2:30 6:00 – 11:00 Fri 28 Dec 11:00 – 2:30 6:00 – 12:00 Sat 29 Dec 11:00 – 3:00 6:00 – 12:00 Sun 30 Dec 12:00 – 3:00 7:00 – 11:00 Mon 31 Dec 11:00 – 2:30 7:00 – 01:15 Tue 01 Jan 11:00 – 4:00 Closed 2007 charity fundraising The charities selected as beneficiaries for this year’s fundraising are as follows: Forest Dene hospital – to purchase blood pressure monitoring equipment Christchurch Junior School – to help with the costs of building a roof over their swimming pool. Mudeford Phoenix Girls and Ladies Football Club – to help with costs of kit and footballs. The club, formed in 2003 now runs five junior teams with around 70 young members and provides two after school club facilities. In addition to 20+ ladies play in the Hampshire League Bournemouth Hospital’s Jigsaw Appeal – to provide improved facilities for local cancer patients. As ever, there will be many fundraising activities over the festive period including the ever popular Charity Auction on Boxing Day. The donations have been flooding in thick and fast thanks to the hard work of the Entertainments Committee assisted by two or three enthusiastic members who kindly lent their support. If you, or your company can provide anything that could be auctioned off then please contact any member of the Entertainment Committee (if you’re not sure, ask at the bar!) Your letters & emails Once again it’s been a bumper three months with our second highest ever number of letters and emails received from the ever enthusiastic membership. It couldn’t quite match the all time high figure of one (the last issue) which admittedly I wrote myself. Well done members! Sports and games news Ladies darts The ladies darts league had a small Christmas raffle and friendly singles tournament at the club on Thurs 6th December. A pleasant evening was had by all and the darts league would like to thank the club for allowing us to use it as our Christmas venue once again. FootballThe football team are currently playing in Bournemouth Saturday Division 2 after winning Division 3 last season. We have made a steady start to the season in the league winning 4 and losing 2 so far. We reached the semi-finals of the Poole Bay cup before being knocked out by Division 1 side Southbourne. We also made the last 32 of the Hampshire Cup before losing to Wessex Combination team Totton & Ealing Reserves. En route we beat another Wessesx Combination team Horndean Reserves. As we are now out of all cup competetions, we can now focus on the league and trying to gain one of the top spots that will enable us to gain promotion to Division 1. We have a good squad of players at present but are always looking for that extra talent that will turn us into a competetive Division 1 team. For anyone interested, we train at Mudeford Wood Thursday nights 7-8 PM or contact one of the football club. Football bingo lottery update: congratulations to Richard Thomas who scooped the Xmas lottery prize of over £1000. Thanks to everyone who continues to participate in the lottery as this is a significant fund raiser for the football club. Merry Xmas, Rob Smith Chairman. Snooker – Eddie Carr Trophy This year’s Eddie Carr snooker trophy was won by Chris Beavis (below) Pussyfoot dinner 2008 Early warning – the Committee has agreed that this year’s Pussyfoot will be a “Collar and Tie” event as befits a sit down dinner. No more open neck Hawaiian shirts please gentlemen. Recent events EGM (04 Dec) – the members accepted the proposed new rules for the club subject to a few changes being incorporated. These rules should come into effect as of 01 January 2008. Ladies night – 31st October - 42nd Street was a great success. Space filler! Some more sports commentator quotes: "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" (Ron Atkinson) "I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost" (Frank Bruno) "There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes." (David Coleman) "There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people" (David Coleman) "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical" (Murray Walker) "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel" (Stuart Pearce) "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" (Greg Norman) "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious" (Alan Minter) "Watch the time -it gives you an indication of how fast they are running" (Ron Pickering) "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansell. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers" (Murray Walker) "Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales" (Ron Greenwood) "A brain scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin" (Jo Sheldon) "The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation" (Ron Pickering) "That's inches away from being millimetre perfect" (Ted Lowe) "Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him" (Stuart Pearson) "I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right" (Marlon Starling) "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" (Terry Venables) "I can't tell who's leading - It's either Oxford or Cambridge" (John Snagge - Boat Race) "The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - absolutely round." (Tony Crozier) Christmas corner It has been decided that our current approach to Christmas is extremely outdated and inefficient and a team of management consultants has been brought in to review our processes and streamline the operation. Therefore, please note that, with immediate effect: The solitary partridge in the pear tree does not adequately reflect the importance we place on teamwork and will be replaced with a bio-degradable plastic robin in a potted plant The two turtle doves have been axed as their exclusively heterosexual relationship does not fully value the equally important contribution made by same-sex dove couples The French hens have been cancelled due to concerns regarding bird flu The four calling birds have been replaced with an automated voicemail system featuring the Birdie Song for callers on hold. The five gold rings were thought to represent an inadequate spread of risk in our investment portfolio. Additionally, we took into account the elitist connotations of gold and indeed the working conditions of South African gold miners. Our investments will, in future be divided between environmentally friendly energy generation and fair trade tofu production. The six geese a-laying and their friends the swans a-swimming have been freed following threats by the animal liberation front The eight maids a-milking and nine ladies dancing both constituted a non-representative gender mix and served to perpetuate a negative image of females in the workplace. The dancers were also considered to not adequately represent those who experience mobility challenges. These positions will be re-branded as “Environmentally sustainable food production technician” and “Communications specialist promoting diversity and equality through the medium of bodily expression.” The former dancers will also be complimented with the addition of a significant proportion of “differently abled” performers. The leaping lords are becoming expensive to maintain and replace in the event of failure and, given their largely white, male, Anglo Saxon makeup, do not reflect our equal opportunities ethic and so have been dropped. It was further considered that a total of 23 musicians piping and drumming could not be justified in today’s economic climate and their presence served to discriminate against those not fortunate enough to play a musical instrument. They have therefore been replaced by a Val Doonican cassette. Contact info: (like you care!) Next issue: mid March – ish. Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink September 2007

This newsletter was produced (free of charge by Lware Limited for Mudeford Men's Club, Christchurch. Formatting and images are not included. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Men’s Club September 2007 C i U later! Statement by the Committee “Relations with the C.I.U. came to a head this year when, despite the MMC Committee's strong arguments against, they insisted that we reinstate an expelled member. They would not answer the key question put to them as to who would take responsibility for any untoward actions, if we followed their direction. Would they accept Corporate Liability? No answer. Under the circumstances, the Committee felt obliged to stand firm as the democratically elected committee which has the responsibility of running the Club. An EGM was called for the members to express their views. The meeting unanimously called for the Club to leave the Union. The C.I.U. were invited to attend, but did not reply until they advised us that we had been expelled from the Union." Marrow Competition Sunday 9th September saw the annual Marrow competition – see later for a full round up. Among the many winners was this effort, from Joyce Mitchell which, for some reason, was selected as the winning Mr. Potato Head. (Yes, those are eggs on his face.) Overall Winner of Marrow Competition – Hugh Jones. We don’t know what he said but Teresa seems to be more up for the idea than Tori! Saturday night entertainment SEPTEMBER 15 Mista Beat 22 Gold Disco 29 Blitz Disco OCTOBER 6 DJ Langer 13 Filmed Race Night Football Club Fund Raiser 20 Odessa 27 Gold Disco NOVEMBER 3 Lucky 10 Cookie Roadshow 17 tba 24 Alpine Roadshow DECEMBER 1 Brian Moon and the Satallites 8 Blitz Disco 15 Christmas Draw 22 Jam Night XMAS EVE 24 Coroma Disco BOXING DAY 26 Arfur Word Duo 29 Filmed Race Night NYE 31 Alpine Roadshow More cricket success! Another fantastic season for Mudeford CC with two teams promoted – again! Marrow Competition This year’s Marrow Competition was, as ever, very well attended and with Paul Hammond providing the music everyone enjoyed a great atmosphere. Your esteemed Club Secretary John Oliver walked it in the actual marrow competition with his entry weighing more than twice the nearest challenger – a mighty 20.7kg. Runner bean glory went to Brian Jerrard with his five beans totalling 118 inches! (Can someone explain why we measure weights in metric and lengths in imperial?) Eric Jesty won the onion category with a 3.5kg specimen with Jack Marland notching up 1.5kg with the winning tomato. Only two pumpkins appeared this year and John Foulkes edged out Rosie Foulkes with a 7.9kg entry. In the Jams and Chutneys it was a similar story to last year with five of the six prizes going to the men, just proving that we are the superior sex where cooking is concerned! Hugh Jones won both categories and also came third in the chutney competition. In the Mr. Potato Head category, three entries hit on the same idea “King Edward” but it was Joyce Mitchell’s spud based comment on the CIU situation that was judged the winner. Hugh Jones was awarded the Jim Ward Trophy as overall winner with two firsts and a third. Other competitors with more than one prize were John Oliver, Terry Wright and John Sellick. No questions whatsoever were asked when Viv Moody won the “Guess the weight of the veg basket” competition as she is most definitely not connected to or related to Tori in any way at all. Honest guv! The event raised over £75 towards the Chr***mas charity fund (I can’t bring my self to even write the word yet) Thanks go to Tori and Teresa for their hard work and organisation and to the judges for the day – Sheila Vines, Jacquie Reddell and Doreen Davis (apologies for any spelling errors ladies). Your letters & emails All of them, in full. This edition’s top letter, winning £10 worth of drinks at the bar (remember that any published letter or email is worth a drink too). “Dear Sir, I wish to complain that nobody can be bothered to write any letters. Yours sincerely, Richard Leyshon.” Need I say more. Lager please. Club Entertainment A couple of new acts have gone down very well over the summer. Phil Joseph was forced into a number of encores after an evening of soul classics and in August, new band Blowing Free went down a storm featuring an excellent vocalist and doing some “different” material from what we hear from so many bands. Sports and games news Crib No input received Ladies darts No input received FootballOut of season Bowls by Eric Jesty The annual bowls match with Southbourne Ex-Service Club was played on 10th June 2007 (1st leg) and 5th August (2nd leg). Sadly, the first leg was lost by 30. This was partly due to the loss of a few key players, but none the less, a most enjoyable morning was had by the team. The second leg was only lost by 1, due to the return of those few players. (Go on Eric, name and shame – Ed) As there were four birthdays that weekend, an even more enjoyable morning was had by the team. The team would like to thank the Committee for sponsoring the match. We need more players from the club, or if you would like to take up bowls and don’t know how to start, we have in the club our own qualified coach in John Davis, who is happy to help anyone interested. Once again thank you to the club and the team for their support. Looking forward to next year, maybe bringing the trophy back to Mudeford. New bowlers can contact me on 01202 478834. Mens darts (1) by Gary Howlett For the last few seasons Mudeford have entered four darts teams in the Christchurch Clubs Darts League. (Friday Night) Final league positions for last season as follows:- Mudeford A 5th, Mudeford V 6th, Mudeford Anchors 9th and Mudeford B 10th (out of we would rather not say). This information can be viewed on the web www.xch180.co.uk .. Success in the various competitions throughout the season went to Derek Sadler Mudeford V winning the Silver Singles , Martin Wood Mudeford A winning the Captains Cup, Gary Howlett winning the 180 Cup and The Denny Parrett 4's competition Mudeford A Martin Wood, Darren Hadley, Rob Peaty, & Gary Howlett. All the Mudeford teams enjoy the league and there is always a fierce rivalry when the teams meet each other and by the time the pairs games are played the lubricant available kicks in making the games even more enjoyable. The league is very friendly and if there are any club members who would like to indulge in a game of darts, Season starts September, Practise Friday night of-season during Summer, please contact Gary Howlett. Mens darts (2) by Paul Groves Mudeford B annual Race trip. Once again the annual Mudeford B race day pilgrimage took place on Saturday July 7th. ''The 50 blokes on a coach tour'' The venue again was Sandown Park race coarse near London. Once more this trip was well supported by other Mudeford men's club darts teams and also club members. We set off from the club just after 9 am and arrived at the ground in good time to find a good spot for an afternoon of top class racing. The weather was fantastic, and after all the bad weather we had previously we could not have asked for a better day. Those of us with the receding hair line ended up looking like red lollypops as the sun beat down all day. Still there was plenty of fluids being drunk so that nobody got dehydrated. Again the racing was unpredictable and we had winners and losers heading back on the coach. At least the raffle on the way back on the coach was some consolation for the losers. Those of the younger generation or young at heart were dropped off in Southampton for a night on the town, while others who were not so quite energetic returned buy coach back to the club early evening. The coach then returned to pick the remainder of the party goers up at 11pm (ish) for the trip back to Christchurch Hope to see you all again next year. The New Darts season ahead. Once again the Mudeford B team will be entering a team for the new season. With some new additions we hope to avoid the dreaded wooden spoon this year. Good to see 4 teams still in the club on a Friday night as the interest is in decline from many clubs and very few new venues coming on board. Snooker - Pussyfoot pairs This year’s Pussyfoot Handicap Pairs winners were Gordon Wallace and Tony Clare with Martin Price and Jonathan Beavis finishing runners up. The cumulative scores in two frames were used to decide the winner. In a very close match, Gordon and Tony won with a little assistance from the handicap. Cricket Another fantastic season (despite the weather) saw both the first and second teams achieve promotion. This was especially impressive for the firsts as it was their first season in a new league after promotion last year. Laurie Wilkinson, MMC President (and cricketer of 93 years standing) explained: “The average age of the 1st team is about 24 and this is all down to the youth policy set up by Bernie Tennant, Peter Assinder and Russ Stansfield. The 1st team has been promoted every year since the pavilion was built in 2000. They as you know they were runners up this year out of the whole of the Hampshire cricket league consisting of 500 teams. That gives you some respect of what they have achieved. The only problem is they have outgrown the ground. The second team have also been promoted to the South west regional 1 league had a great season and ended up 3rd under Captain Paul Downey” The players would like to thank Cllr Alan Griffiths for the after match champagne. What is the secret of a successful team? A question pondered by generations. Many will site the obvious answers – individual skill, dedicated practice, self belief, teamwork etc. But, speaking off the record to members of the Cricket Club, it soon became apparent that the real reason for their success lies elsewhere – a secret weapon known to insiders as the 10 Ps: Peak Performance Pertains to Past President Pitcher’s Pitch-side Produced Pressure Pronouncements. Yes, it’s true, the team’s success was due almost entirely to Bernie Pitcher’s screams of “Keep the pressure on!” and “Don’t get complacent now!” (see Bernie, you were wrong, I can spell complacent!). Insiders suggest that Bernie’s ceaseless input is thought to be worth 100 runs and four wickets per match. It will indeed be a sad loss next season when Bernard may not be available as he is rumoured to be accepting a position with the England team. See the Upcoming Events section for details of the George Ashby Memorial Trophy match. Golf by John Oliver Another good day for the Golf Society. Following a 'cracking' thunderstorm, our intrepid golf society played the June Stableford Competition at Crane Valley Golf Club on Friday 22nd June. The course was in excellent condition, if a little moist! Despite the slow greens, the winner was Mark Roper with an excellent score of 34 points (despite recently being cut 4 shots!). Longest drive was Ian Cumberlidge and nearest the pin Jeff Carter. An excellent evening at the MMC Club completed a splendid day. The Golf Society's July meeting was a successful stableford competition at Ferndown Forest Golf Club. The winner with 38 points was that well known raconteur and star of the snooker table, Paddy McDonnell. Nearest the pin winner was Pat Bond, and the longest drive went to that big hitter, Peter Chatfield. Despite heavy rain in the morning, it held off for most of the afternoon with only one shower slowing play. An excellent afternoon was had by all, rounded off with sandwiches and a presentation at the club in the evening. On Friday 24th August the annual golf match was held at Canford Magna Riverside course against our local rivals Southbourne Ex-servicemen's Club. After a closely fought event the Southbourne boys narrowly triumphed with a 3.5 to 2.5 matches win. Stars for the MMC were Captain Buc Taylor and Monty, who beat their opposition 6 up. Despite this win Southbourne retain the trophy that the MMC society will have to fight for again next year. All 24 players adjourned to the Mudeford Club for the Presentation and excellent buffet provided by Gordon Wallace, our Steward. A splendid evening ensued with much lively conversation. The next MMC Golf Society Day will be at Knighton Heath on the 18th October. Any members wishing to take part should ensure that they put their name on the list in the Men's Bar. Recent events EGM - 21st March – see statement on front page Pussyfoot dinner – another superb evening Upcoming events Cricket – the George Ashby Memorial Trophy For the third year, Mudeford take on Christchurch in this end of season clash where we aim to retain the trophy. 1pm start, Mudeford, Sunday 16th September. Come along and support the boys. Ladies night – 31st October A trip to see 42nd Street. Tickets go on sale 03 October priced just £19 (these seats cost £25 to buy). The price even includes your coach travel and a drink! For all the computer users … Sometimes you can get something good for nothing! My PC had suddenly started running slowly and I suspected spyware. I did a full system scan with Norton Internet security – no problems detected. This didn’t convince me. I downloaded Microsoft Windows Defender (it’s free). Again, no problems detected. Then, by chance, I found that Google do a free software pack – you can download the whole lot or just select the parts you want. One of the programs is ‘PC Tools Spyware Doctor.’ After 50 mins of scanning it had a list of 165 items of various severity which it recommended removing. All of these threats had been missed by Norton and Defender. Two minutes later it was done You can get the download from: pack.google.co.uk (note no www needed) And there’s more … Even if you regularly use Disk Cleanup and empty your recycle bin, it is astonishing how many “temporary” files can still exist and clag up your PC. There is an excellent program to get rid of the unwanted stuff, called Ccleaner. I can’t tell you what the C stands for but it rhymes with Trap. Even as someone who does regularly use Disk Cleanup, when I first ran Ccleaner it removed over 1GB of “Trap” from my system. You can get this from www.Ccleaner.com Smoking ban Those of you who can remember back three months will be aware that I was less than reverential in my approach to the Committee’s plans for dealing with the smoking ban. Having tried and failed to persuade the Membership to write in, I thought upsetting the Committee is sure to get a response. It didn’t. C’est la vie. Anyway, as some of you will have seen, we now have some picnic tables at the rear of the club for the benefit of the “lepers” and this system appears to be working in summer conditions. Most interestingly, the overall takings for the last three months are virtually identical to the same period in 2006 so hopefully, our worries about the financial implications of the ban were groundless. A politically incorrect hair related tale Once again, credit goes to Peter and Annette for this one. For every 10 jokes Pete tells me, there’s usually one I can print! A blonde lady rings 999 and asks for the Fire Brigade. She gets put through and, in a state of panic screams, “Please come quickly, my house is on fire! Please hurry!” “Don’t worry madam” says the operator. “We’ll be there in no time at all. Now, try and stay calm and tell me how we get there?” “Err – HELLO!” says the blonde, “In that big red engine of course.” Space filler! Isn’t it always the way? Newslink was looking very skinny. Then, a day before we intended to publish, several items came in and all of a sudden it won’t fit into the usual two pages. So, just this once, a special bonus 3rd page. What we don’t have is enough to fill it so I’ve dredged through the vaults to find something that might give you a laugh. First up, a true story that you may have heard about already. The Spice Girls said that they would add one venue to their world tour and “fans” could vote for the location of the gig. Toronto “won” the competition, amidst claims that the result was fixed as the majority of voters wanted the girls to perform in downtown Baghdad. That would certainly be a way to “Spice up your life.” The following are reportedly true statements by sports commentators. If you like them, we’ll include some more next time we have space to fill. "Fred Davis, the doyen of snooker, now 67 years of age and too old to get his leg over, prefers to use his left hand." (Ted Lowe) And here's Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago" (David Coleman) "Once Tony Daley opens his legs you've got a problem" (Howard Wilkinson) "Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs" (David Coleman) "We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite" (Murray Walker) (After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals) "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought" (Bobby Robson) "And with an alphabetical irony, Nigeria follows New Zealand" (David Coleman) (On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy) "It was like being in a foreign country" (Ian Rush) "Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play" (Peter Lorenzo) "We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised" (Ian McNail) Contact info: (like you care!) Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink May 2007

This newsletter was produced (free of charge by Lware Limited for Mudeford Men's Club, Christchurch. Formatting and images are not included. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Mens’ Club May 2007 Editorial rant Apathy – I could write pages on the subject if only I could be bothered. But MMC members take their apathy more seriously than most and raise it almost to an art form. We gave you a forum, here in Newslink, to ask any searching questions you might have for the Committee. Result - nothing. We encouraged you to write in with you views on any subject. We even offered you free drinks for doing so. Result - nothing. We asked all the sports teams to let us know how they are getting on so we can inform you, the membership who fund their teams. Result – input from Football and Golf and nobody else. And, perhaps most disturbingly, we have just had the annual Committee elections. Out of a membership of around 1,500, a total of 126 people managed to put an X in the box. Truly pathetic. We are lucky, we have a well run club. All the Officers were returned for another term without a challenge and all members of the Committee standing for re-election were successful with Norman Grindley elected for a first term.. But what if things were different? What if the Club was being badly run? Would the membership still sit back with an “I can’t be bothered” attitude and watch the Club spiral into insolvency, as some others have? Let’s hope we never find out. MMC wins prestigious award! Mudeford Men's Club was awarded first place in the 'Organisation of the Year Category' of the third annual Good Citizen Awards presented by Christchurch Borough Council on Friday 30th March at a dinner held in the Avonmouth Hotel. The Mayor of Christchurch, Cllr David Fox, said: "There are somany individuals and organisations in Christchurch who are worthy of our praise and it is unfortunate that we can't invite them all here tonight. However, I am delighted to welcome the finalists to thank them for their personal efforts which help to make Christchurch such a community-minded place."Club Secretary John Oliver and Committee member Ian Davis receive the Good Citizens Award from Ms Carolyn Collins, General Manager, Avonmouth Hotel, who sponsored this award.A trophy, award certificate, and a cheque were presented to Club Secretary John Oliver and Management Committee member Ian Davis. These items will go on permanent display at the Club as a tribute to all the members who have contributed to this ongoing effort. John Oliver stated:“This award should be shared by the whole membership and our super staff for the way the Club is run and operates. A wonderful start to 2007 for us!” The smoking ban July 1st will be a milestone for the Club as the new smoking regulations come into effect. Attendees to the Pussyfoot dinner (30th June) need not panic however as they will not be ordered to stub out their cigars on the stroke of midnight as the law does not come into effect until 6am. Evidence from Ireland and other locations that have initiated such schemes suggests that our revenue is likely to be severely affected. Estimates are that venues that do not provide smoking facilities are likely to suffer a 25-30% reduction in turnover. With this in mind, the Committee has been looking into this issue for many months and has undertaken detailed, proactive planning to ensure that the Club suffers as little as possible. Naturally, after so many months of hard work, the plans are very detailed, but I will attempt to explain, in layman’s terms, exactly what the Committee has decided. “Wait and see what happens.” Inspired! Well, here’s a wild guess. Less money will be taken over the bar. The non-smokers will then say that smokers are not using the Club and therefore do not require any special facilities. The smokers will argue that they aren’t using the Club because there are no special facilities. Back to square one. Let us hope that once members are lost, they can be tempted back, as and when we provide some facilities. The Committee has asked that the members make their views known. Please contact a member of the Committee directly or, send your comments to Newslink and they will be forwarded. Club Entertainment 19th May saw another well attended Jam Night. Special thanks to all the guest performers - Michelle, Clive, Dave and Peter Foster who ‘borrowed’ members of State Of Undress to give an acoustic performance at half time. Saturday night entertainment MAY BH 26 Bluebird Disco JUNE 2 Blitz Disco 9 Ocean Drive 16 Phil Joseph - New Act 23 The Word 30 Pussyfoot Dinner (Johnny Clark) JULY 7 Limited Edition 14 Cookie Roadshow 21 Filmed Race Night 28 Social Evening AUGUST 4 Envy 11 Disco TBA 18 Blowing Free Band – New Band BH 25 Alpine Roadshow Keep an eye out for some more new acts in the coming weeks. Phil Joseph is a solo singer and can be seen on 16th June. Blowing Free are a new band, catch them in August. Sports news Crib No input received Ladies darts No input received Mens darts No input received Snooker No input received Cricket The season has just started. Look out for full coverage in the next issue. Frank Selleck Trophy – April 2007 The annual snooker challenge against Southbourne has been running almost 30 years. Whilst both teams want to take the trophy home, the games are always played in great spirit. Alas, some might suspect that a few too many spirits had been consumed as, on the night of the first leg, the mighty MMC team travelled to Southbourne. This would have been fine, were it not for the slight hindrance of the Southbourne team also travelling to Mudeford! Naturally, we were right and the Southbourners had to retreat home with their tails between their legs, stopping off at Sainsbury’s to purchase the food for the event! The knock-on effect was that no extension had been arranged for the evening and the match had to be reduced in length. Clearly this change to the rules affected Mudeford’s highly tuned athletes who subsequently went on to come second, by the narrowest of margins (well, okay, actually it was 7 – 2). The return match at Mudeford did at least see both teams agreeing to play at the same venue but, after the shenanigans of the first match, our brave warriors were just too far behind and so, for one year only, we are allowing Southbourne to borrow the trophy! Newly appointed captain Rob Boulton accepted full responsibility for the defeat and offered his head for the block. However, kind hearted President Laurie Wilkinson (I have to say something nice after implying he was drunk in the last issue!) declined to accept it. As a cricket fan, Laurie’s desire to see heads roll had been satisfied that day by the departure of Duncan Fletcher from the England cricket team. GolfThe MMC Golf Society had it’s inaugural meeting at Moors Valley on 27th April. The Stableford Competition was won by Peter Chatfield, with 39 points off a 20 handicap. Runner up was our own Entertainments Officer, Mark Roper with a very creditable 37 points off a handicap of 22. Steward, Gordon Wallace, despite severe lack of golf through the winter, came through in excellent form winning both the longest drive and the nearest the pin competitions. An excellent afternoon was rounded off with a results presentation and very tasty sandwiches at the Club in the evening. The Len Taylor Trophy Golf Day on Friday 18th May at Highcliffe Golf Club was another success for the Club. The best score from a MMC member was Paul Sadler. Runner up was Andrew Millard and Pat Bond was third. The Celebrations after the game were extensive, with all the players sitting down to a superb dinner and drinks to remember the founder of the competition, Len Taylor. Thanks went to Bobby Keeping for his excellent organisation of the day. The next Monthly Stableford venue is Crane Valley Golf Club, Friday the 22nd June, tee off 2.30pm 20th July – Ferndown Forest GC 24th August – Canford Magna – match vs Southbourne Ex Serv. 21st Sep – The Dorset Golf & Country Club 12th Oct – Queens Park – MMC Championship Lists are on the notice board - all interested Golfers should ensure they get their name in place now. Football – another successful season The team has just finished our second season in the Saturday Bournemouth Leagues. A successful campaign saw us win the league by 13 points, securing the title with three games still to play. We were the first team, in any of the Bournemouth Saturday or Sunday leagues to win a division this season, so a great achievement. An outstanding year has seen us win 18 out of 22 league games, drawing two and losing two. We did not find the same success in the cups but that enabled us to focus on the league. Our success was founded upon a solid defence who have only let in 24 goals in the 22 league games. Dan Goff has been unbeatable in goal. In front of him, Ben Walker has been particularly impressive in the centre of the defence. The midfield has consistently out-classed the opposition with Paul Moss and Mark Kenny excelling. Up front, the youthful pacey partnership of Lee Moss and Rob Smith have out-witted many a defence. {Can you guess who might have written this? – Ed} And Richard Biggs has graced the bench like a pro, coming on to score in the last game of the season! Goals have been shared around this year with Lee Moss just pipping Rich Preston as leading goal scorer by 17 goals to 15 and three other players having scored at least nine each. However, it is not individuals that win games and the biggest factor in our success has been the ability to field a consistent squad week after week. They all deserve congratulations on our success. A big thank you also to Clive Sansom our manager who took the helm just before Christmas. Clive has used his wealth of experience to build on the season’s good start and to steer us to the title. On an individual level, congratulations go to the following people who received trophies at our presentation evening: Players’ Player of the year: Paul Moss Manager’s Player of the year: Dan GoffSupporters’ Player of the year: Mark KennyLeading goal scorer: Lee MossClubman of the year: Clive Sansom And finally, a big thank you to the Football Club committee who help run the football club so smoothly, to all the supporters who come along to cheer the team on and to everyone who continues to support the football lottery bingo run by Kelvin Farrant. This helps us enormously in running the club. Congratulations to the most recent winners: Nigel Farrant, Pat Rattew, Dave Sexton, Gary Boyt and Charlotte Saunders. Bowls We have matches against Southbourne on 10th June and 5th August. Just like the snooker competition, the games are always played in high spirits but, even so, the competition is strong and according to organiser Eric Jesty, “It’s time we brought the trophy home.” The matches (triples) are played on Sunday mornings with lunch (and no doubt a small tipple) to follow. Anyone interested in taking part, contact Eric and keep an eye on the Notice Board. Recent events AGM - 21st March This year’s AGM passed without drama with the membership seemingly pleased with where the Club is at. Three life memberships were awarded on the night: Mike Andrews, our local historical expert with a long family association with the Club Mo Marshall, long time member of the Committee Jeff Arnold who retired after 15 years of outstanding service behind the bar. We all wish him well. Grand Easter Egg Draw A fantastic effort this year saw around 60 prizes being won. A big thank you to everyone who sold tickets and we must give a special mention to Keith Ford who snarled at every person entering the premises until they coughed up. The event raised around £300 towards the charity fund. Annual Dinner Dance, Hoburne Park - Friday 2nd March 2007. If you have any views on this event then please e-mail them very soon to Newslink or write to Roger Masterman, Chairman, Entertainments Committee. Upcoming events Pussyfoot Dinner - Sat 30th June Tickets on sale in the Club Wednesday 23rd May from 7:30pm. Price: £19.50. See notice board for subsequent ticket sales dates. Ascot – 28th July Tickets on sale 04 July priced £20. See the notice board nearer the time. Marrow Competition – advanced warning! For those of you who need to accurately plan you day of planting, the Marrow Comp will be Sunday 2nd September. Get netted! If you have a computer at home and are connected to the internet then you can receive a lot of Club information that way. For example, if you visit the Club’s web site at www.mudefordmens.co.uk you can view an electronic version of Newslink and help save some trees. Also, there is plenty of information about football, cricket, golf and angling. If you’re on e-mail then write down your address, along with your name and membership number and drop it in the wall safe or simply e-mail the Club. John Oliver will then add you to his list and you will receive club announcements and reminders etc. And of course, you can e-mail your submissions to Newslink (bangs head against wall). Members’ special offer Did you know that Club members get a discount at Sewards Auto Centre? Well, if you visit the Grange Road branch you will qualify for a 10% discount on parts and labour and can have a FREE 25 point safety check. For more information, call 01425 282444. A politically incorrect tale … The club was busy, seats were at a premium. So it was that the following conversation was overheard, as an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman shared the last available table. The trio were talking about their families. “I have a son,” said the Englishman, “he was born on St. George’s Day and so we decided to call him George.” “What a coincidence.” added the Scotsman. “My lad was born on St. Andrews day, so, naturally, we called him Andrew.” “I don’t believe this!” replied the Irishman. “The same thing happened to us. What are the chances of this happening? I can’t wait to get home to tell the missus, and our lad, Pancake.” A thrilling CIU notice “Keep Quiet In the past, a number of clubs have been prosecuted following visits from the Environmental Health Officers after they failed to ensure that entertainers kept the noise underneath a level deemed acceptable for neighbours nearby. Although clubs must consider that as an important issue, there is another more important issue now, which is affecting clubs when one considers the issue of noise. This is the number of clubs now being warned by authorities about the noise their members make when leaving the club at night. Clubs must warn their members not to shout farewells across the car park, bang car doors, nor should they allow taxis to pap horns to come and collect members. Clubs must be seen to be good neighbours to the people who live nearby, and it advisable to have notices to remind members of their responsibilities." Contact info: Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Newslink Feb 2007

This newsletter was produced (free of charge by Lware Limited for Mudeford Men's Club, Christchurch. Formatting and images are not included. NEWSLINK The Newsletter of the Mudeford Mens’ Club February 2007 Welcome to the Winter 2007 edition of Newslink! When it’s cold, wet and dark outside, you’ve blown all your money at Christmas and the family still aren’t talking to you after that incident with the frozen turkey, what could be better than another action packed Newslink? Well, plenty actually, but most of those things cost money, so this is what you’ve got. First donations made from Christmas Charity Crusade Representatives of The RNLI, Mudeford CC, Mudeford Swans and Operation Christmas Child receive cheques. Yes, once again, you’ve raised a fortune through your generosity. See inside for the full details … Murray Christmas Another massive Christmas draw run by Murray and his gang of little elves. Soon be time to start again … Balloon Race – Sunday 14th January Steve Hill had a miraculous escape after losing his grip on the balloons, 500 feet above Southampton. Sports news Yes, I know there isn’t much. Come on guys, many of your teams receive funding from the Club. It would be nice to know how you are getting on. If you have some news, send it in by early April or get in touch nearer the time to get a deadline date for the next issue. Crib The next crib doubles starts on March 7th. No doubt there will also be a singles competition so keep your eyes on the notice board or speak to Laurie. Gary Boyt on his way to the snooker title on Finals Night Finals night – Friday 22nd December As ever, there was strong competition for the many trophies available for the in-house competitions. We don’t have space to tell you about all the heroic do-or-die battles that took place but no doubt the winners will be happy to give you a very detailed description of their triumphs! Finals night results Crib singles Winner: Alan Jeffers Runner up: Gordon Wallace Crib doubles Winners: Don Tomkins & Robin Mills Runners up: Bernie Pitcher & Terry Parker Dominoes singles Winner: Don Tomkins Runner up: Robin Mills Dominoes doubles Winners: Terry Parker & Ken Elwood Runners up: Norman Grindley & Roger Holden Darts singles Winner: Gary Howlett Runner up: Mel Adey Darts doubles Winners: Gary Howlett & John Bradshaw Runners up Leon Ramsier & Matt Ramsier Billiards Winner: Lawrence Millington Runner up: Jonathan Beavis Snooker Winner: Gary Boyt Runner Up John Challen Over 60’s snooker tournament Double Denney Delight! A great year for Chas Denney as he claimed both titles. But it almost wasn’t to be as Paul Mead took him to the black ball in the first round of the singles. Singles Winner: Charles Denney Runner up: Duncan Turner Doubles Winners: Charles Denney & Ken Elwood Runners up: Bill Cleiff and Fred Buttifant Bill Cleiff demonstrated fine sportsmanship in the doubles final by “sledging” his own partner. The room was in total silence as Fred Buttifant tried to cue a very awkward white whilst stretching over several other balls. Just as he was about to play, his face a study of concentration, Bill exclaimed “Be careful!” to the great amusement of everyone except Fred! Charity Crusade ends in victory As you will no doubt be aware by now, it was yet another wonderful year for charity fundraising with you, the members putting your hands in your pockets to the tune of £3,717 (and still rising) – a figure well above what was expected. In a presentation on Sunday 11th February, the first batch of cheques was presented (see below). Both Laurie Wilkinson and Roger Masterman thanked the Entertainments Committee for their hard work and most especially YOU, the members, who dug so deeply into your pockets once again. Highlights included the Balloon Race with around 300 of your balloons heading East one Sunday lunchtime. At the time of writing, there are a few days left to run but Lily Ford is looking clear favourite with a balloon returned from Belgium! Special thanks to the person who returned a card complete with the cow pat in which he found it! The Boxing Day Auction was also very successful and raised no less than £1,156. Lots included TVs, DVD players, framed pictures, bikes, a large framed mirror, a football table and much more. Club regular Wayne Dodd correctly guessed that the giant teddy bear was called Pansy and won her for his efforts. Despite the fact that they made a lovely couple, Wayne kindly donated Pansy to the auction and raised £65 – that’ll teach Roger to bring his grandchildren into the Club! Well done Wayne. Popular duo Limited Edition provided the live music. Who got the money? Mudeford RNLI Roy Dix received the now traditional cheque for this excellent organisation. Mudeford Cricket Club To help with the costs of repairing the damage to the cricket ground caused by the water shortage last summer, for the benefit of junior and senior teams as well as the local residents. Collecting the cheque, Mark Lampert thanked the Club “for past and continuing support that is very much appreciated.” Mudeford Swans Football Club A non-profit making local group who in just 18 months have started up teams in the Under 7, 8, 10 and 12 age groups with an Under 6 team coming very soon. Players have represented Bournemouth and even been scouted by Southampton! But Richard Jordan and Rob Boughn from the Committee explained to Newslink, it’s not just about the stars – it’s about getting all the kids involved – especially those who couldn’t afford to buy kit themselves. On top of all the fun they have, there has also been a dramatic improvement to the childrens’ fitness. “Thank you very very much for your generosity.” Richard told the members. Operation Christmas Child After a few words from Peter Edwards and Peter Ivermee, nobody was left in any doubt as to why the decision had been taken to support this local branch of a national charity. The descriptions and images of children living in sewers and holes in the road, in temperatures of -30°C (IN EUROPE!) were stomach churning. The Christchurch branch of the organisation sent out 25,000 boxes to benefit these kids last year. In addition, they have used money to build “Street Shelters” where the kids can get a shower, receive food and medicine and get counselling and help.” Peter Edwards, himself a Club member said “We cannot thank you enough. All the money – every penny of it will be used to help these children.” No doubt, if anyone wished to help this local group of volunteers, Peter would be pleased to hear from them. Club Entertainment This year saw a change to the norm for New Year’s Eve as we were let down at short notice by the disco that had been booked for many months. With no other discos available, Mista Beat (your in-house Jam Night band) stepped in and played three 1 hour sets with recorded disco music in between. Feedback has been good, but for those of you who love your discos, rest assured, next year’s disco is booked, and this one tends to turn up as expected! Following the success of Colin Lann on piano on Sunday lunchtimes, Paul Hammond played on Christmas Eve – an event that looked more like the Last Night of the Proms as the whole room stood and sang along to Land Of Hope And Glory! Paul will be back on Sunday 4th March. Saturday 3rd February saw the debut at the Club for Brian Moon and the Satellites – one of the best bands we have ever had. Luckily, they have been booked for several more appearances – keep your eyes on the notice boards. March 24th sees another new band for the Club – Odessa – why not check them out? Monday night dancing Oops! Apology time. We forgot to mention the Monday night dancers in the last issue so let’s put that right straight away. Every Monday from 8:30 to 10:30 sees an evening of Modern, Sequence and Old Time dancing in the lounge. The mood is relaxed with the emphasis on fun – nobody minds if you don’t know all the moves. Harry and Win would be delighted to see some new faces for 2007. Requests are welcomed and there’s no charge. What are you waiting for? Saturday night entertainment February Sat 17th Mista Beat - your in-house band, as seen New Year’s Eve Sat 24th Gold Disco - New disco for the Club March Fri 2nd Dinner Dance Sat 3rd Social Evening – a night for a good old fashioned chat Sun 4th Paul Hammond – solo musical act, as seen Xmas Eve (lunch) Sat 10th Envy – one of the Club’s favourite groups Sat 17th Cookie Roadshow disco Sat 24th Odessa – New band for the Club Sat 31st Disco April Sat 7th Coroma Disco Sat 14th Disco Sat 21st Lucky –popular band with a new member and new material Sat 28th Filmed Race Night – lose the shirt off your back (again) Recent events Other recent events organised by the Club: Childrens’ Xmas party – get ‘em young! Christmas draw – what more needs t be said? Sloe gin comp – Christmas Eve. Joint winners: Murray Bacon/Terry Parker. Rumour has it that the President gave us a song. Any witnesses care to confirm or perhaps write a review? Childrens’ Pantomime trip Upcoming events Annual Dinner Dance, Hoburne Park - Friday 2nd March 2007 This year’s event will again be held at Hoburne. Reception will be at 6pm for 7pm and a 1am bar. Honoured guests this year are Gordon & Jacqui Wallace and Fred & Jenny Wood. After the three course meal, entertainment will be provided by The Word (band), Blitz (disco) and Robbie K (“Unusualist” – don’t ask me!) Demand for tickets has been high this year and the event is likely to be sold out by the time you read this. Anyone wanting a ticket should contact Sharon Morgan who may get some returns. 80th anniversary Dinner Dance, 2008 We asked you in the last issue for your views on whether this event should remain at Hoburn or move to another venue. Opinion was divided 50 – 50 in this matter with equal numbers of people on each side. Unfortunately, the numbers were equal at zero, indicating that if anyone actually cares, they are too idle to put a pen to paper and, as a result, will get what they are given. Feedback We want to hear from YOU (and there’s a drink in it!) Yes, your ever generous President was collared whilst somewhat drunk off guard and agreed to provide a bit of money for prizes. Have you got any great ideas to improve the Club? Got a view that you think needs to be expressed? Got a seriously funny story? Now’s your chance. Get on that soapbox. We would be happy to hear your ideas, opinions, questions or even just appreciation of the work someone does in the Club. Whatever. The floor is yours. Just keep it clean(ish) and inoffensive. Contact us (see below) and we’ll print a selection of your views in the next issue. The best letter will earn the writer £10 to spend over the bar. A drink will be provided for other worthy contributions that are used. Please bear in mind that we may not have space to print everything. Here’s a pretty un-controversial one to get the ball rolling. Please note that this is one member’s idea and in no way endorsed by the Committee or Officers of the Club. Suggestion: That, starting this year, any member standing for election to the Committee or as Officers of the Club has the right, if they wish, to display a 100 word summary, on the notice board, stating why they are standing for election, what they will try to achieve or what they have achieved in the previous term of office. I can feel an AGM motion coming on… A (not very) seasonal tale … Forget about the February wind, the rain and the cold and cast your mind back to the warm balmy summer evenings last year when England’s finest embarked on a mighty crusade to Germany to bring home the World Cup. If it were not for the minor oversight of not being as good at football as most of the other teams, this plan may have succeeded. You may remember the near hysteria as the world waited for news of the Rooney foot. Wayne and Sven had returned to England for scans and X-rays to see if he could take any part in the competition. His England team mates were waiting nervously in the hotel for news when Steve McLaren burst through the door, phone in hand, looking very animated. “Sven’s just called!” he announced. “The doctors have done the scans and X-rays and, they reckon Wayne will be able play as long as we give him a cortisone injection.” Most of the players clapped and cheered, except for David Beckham, who leapt to his feet and exclaimed “Well if he’s getting a car – I want one.” Contact info: Write to Newslink via the Club. E-mail xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx or call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxx.

Newslink Christmas 2006 by Lware Limited

This newsletter was produced (free of charge by Lware Limited www.lware.co.uk for Mudeford Men's Club, Christchurch. Images are not included. NEWSLINK The periodic Newsletter of the Mudeford Mens’ Club December 2006 Welcome to the Christmas 2006 edition of Newslink! Inside, you’ll find all the important information you need about entertainment, bar opening times, subscriptions and plenty more. And if there’s anything else that you think ought to be included then please drop a note into the letterbox addressed to “Newslink” … Your generous donations improving lives … Silverways Matron Marie Madders gratefully accepts a cheque from MMC Secretary John Oliver On Wednesday 29th November, Silverways home for the elderly (Highcliffe) again used the Club to host a fundraising darts evening. They ran a similar event last year and so it was that we became aware of the fundraising they do to purchase equipment for the residents. As a result, they became one of last year’s Christmas charity fund recipients and with our donation, they purchased a special therapeutic chair. Matron Marie Madders thanked the Club for the donation and explained “Many of our residents have conditions which prevent them from sitting in a normal chair. This kind gift allows them to leave their rooms and socialise with their friends or enjoy some fresh air in the garden.” This sum was raised by YOU the members last Christmas, during our annual charity fundraising month. Other donations were made to: · Christchurch Town Scouts for a re-vamp of their HQ · The Scout & Guide Band for musical instruments · The RNLI · The Mayor’s Fund to provide essential minibus travel for needy local residents · Other deserving individual cases See more about this year’s charity fundraising later in this issue of Newslink. Club Entertainment There’s been plenty happening on the entertainment front lately. It was decided to have some live music for the Marrow Competition in September. Colin Lann played and sang and even got the members dancing on a Sunday lunchtime! The experiment has been repeated since and seems to be very popular. Keep an eye on the notice board to see when future live Sundays are planned. New bands on Saturday nights have included The Word (subsequently booked for Dinner Dance), Taste of the Shadows and Outrage – all of whom went down very well with the enthusiastic audiences. Another new band, Brian Moon and the Satellites is booked for February. So, get your glad rags on and support the club on a Saturday. After all, where else will you get FREE live entertainment? Sat 25th November saw another Jam Night. As ever, a certain Mr. Ashby was the star contributor with five songs – thanks Dave, your efforts are appreciated. Alas, not all the expected guest singers could make it on the night but we must say special thanks to Liz Westall for her Dusty Springfield impression and a young lady called Michelle who got up and performed a fine version of Stuck In The Middle With You, without even knowing what key it was going to be in. Well done! Jam night – Sat 25th November featuring invisible drummer Pete Dorey! He’s there somewhere, honest! Mark Roper, our hard working Activities Co-ordinator is always happy to listen to any feedback you care to give him, so, if you’ve got a view on Saturday entertainments, he’d be pleased to hear from you. And just to prove the point, some members have said that they would like a quiet Saturday occasionally. As a result, it has been decided to give this a trial run with a “Social Evening” with nothing more obtrusive than some quiet background music. Another request has been for the return of the “In-house disco.” So if you fancy a go behind the decks and think you can amaze us all with your witty banter and your record collection, have a word with Mark. December Sat 2nd All Sounds Disco Sat 9th Lucky Sat 16th Xmas draw Sat 23rd Alpine Disco Xmas eve lunchtime Sloe gin comp & Paul Hammond Xmas eve night Coroma Disco Boxing day Ltd Edition Thu 28th Filmed race night New years eve Mista Beat – your Jam Night band January 6th Bluebird Disco 13th Ocean Drive 20th Filmed Race Night 27th Social Evening February 3rd Brian Moon & the Satellites 10th Disco 17th Mista Beat 24th Disco Bingo caller urgently required! One/two bingo callers required for Sunday evenings. Hours: About 1.5, once every few weeks Wages: Your reward will come in Heaven (i.e. naff all) No experience necessary as training will be provided. Please, if you feel you might fancy having a go, contact Roger Masterman, Chairman, Entertainments Committee. Tuesday night quiz The Tuesday evening quiz night always creates a good atmosphere and a laugh or two when, just occasionally, it all goes “pear shaped” for DJ Ian Woolley. The evening is open to all, in teams of any size, starting at 9pm. At the time of writing, the cost is £1 per person but this is likely to increase to £1.50 in the near future to reduce the amount of subsidy the Club provides for the event. Prizes range from a box of chocolates right up to the rolling prize for Play Your Cards Right (prepare your lawsuit now Mr. Forsyth!) which is currently around £400. Charity fundraising - Christmas 2006 This year’s events are looming large and your generosity will allow us to focus on youth this year: · Assistance to Mudeford Cricket Club towards the cost of ground improvements required after their excellent promotion this summer. This was thought most appropriate due to the strong links between the two clubs and the excellent work they do with their many junior teams · Helping a local charity that provides “shoe boxes” of simple but life changing gifts for some of the world’s poorest children · Donation towards equipment for Mudeford Swans junior football team · Our usual contribution to the RNLI So what can I do? Well, any offers of assistance are always welcomed whether it’s selling tickets or collecting auction lots from donors. Maybe you work for a local business that might be in a position to donate a gift for a good cause. We will ensure that donors get as much publicity as possible, so go on – twist the boss’s arm! Christmas opening times Date From To From To Fri 22 Dec 11am 2:30pm 6pm Midnight Sat 23 Dec 11am 3pm 6pm Midnight Sun 24 Dec 12noon 3pm 7pm Midnight Mon 25 Dec 11am 1pm Closed Tue 26 Dec 11am 4pm Closed Wed 27 Dec 11am 3pm 6pm 11pm Thu 28 Dec 11am 3pm 6pm 11pm Fri 29 Dec 11am 3pm 6pm Midnight Sat 30 Dec 11am 3pm 6pm Midnight Sun 31 Dec Noon 3pm 7pm 1am Mon 01 Jan 11am 4pm Closed Recent events Recent events organised by the Club include: Ascot races – another very popular and successful trip Wincanton races – always sells out quickly. A must for anyone who doesn’t want the crowds of Ascot Marrow Competition – the men cleaned up with five out of six prizes in the chutney and jam – come on ladies! A new category of Mr. Potato Head was introduced and won by Starkers! (well, by her potato, I should say). Ladies night – a trip to see Buddy in the Mayflower Theatre, Southampton was thoroughly enjoyed. Turkey & Tinsel - 17-21 November Eastbourne Another very successful event was enjoyed by all. Upcoming events Childrens’ Xmas party – Sat 09 December. Food, games and puppets from 3-6pm. Christmas draw – evenings, 13-16 December. The choir will be performing from 8:30pm on the Saturday and there will be a bar extension. Collect your prizes on the Saturday night and the Sunday lunchtime as there isn’t room to store them all! Finals night – Fri 22 December. The Xmas competitions being concluded plus midnight extension. Sloe gin competition – lunchtime, Christmas Eve With live music from Paul Hammond. Boxing day charity auction – 1pm start. Come down to get some bargains and support our nominated charities. Popular duo Limited Edition provide the live music. New Year’s Eve – Live music from Mista Beat (the Jam Night band) and disco music to keep you dancing during the breaks. Childrens’ Pantomime – Wednesday 10th January Cinderella at the Lighthouse, Poole for members’ children aged 8 – 12. See notice board for details.. Annual Dinner Dance, Hoburne Park - Friday 2nd March The 2007 Dinner Dance will once again be held locally at Hoburne. For a heavily subsidised ticket price you get your meal, wine, live band, variety act and disco. Not to be missed. In 2008, the Club will be celebrating its 80th anniversary. We would welcome views from the members as to what they would like in terms of the dinner dance and more generally, any other events you think might be suitable to mark the occasion. The Entertainments Committee would welcome your views as to whether you would want to use another venue which would probably involve coach travel, or are you happy to keep things local to the area? Please drop a line to Newslink with your thoughts and post it in the mail rack in the foyer. Sports news Cricket Mudeford CC 1st XI gained promotion in a dramatic last game of the season. The Club required one more wicket to secure a point for automatic promotion but the fielding side had only a handful of runs to play with. In a tense finish, MMC member Ben Walker remained calm under a spinning lofted edge and took the catch which secured promotion. Many of you may have seen the effect of the dry summer on the cricket field. It was turned into a dustbowl. In order for their promotion to be ratified, the club was told that major improvements had to be made to the playing surface. The field is, of course, used as a valuable resource by many people. Apart from all the senior and junior teams of Mudeford CC, it is filled with kids in the school holidays and dog walkers every day. The Council however, did not consider that the maintenance of this asset to the community was important enough for them to share the burden. The players have therefore used their own money to finance the work and are now fundraising to try and recoup this cash. Also, they have done a great deal of hard work themselves, planting new grass seed and re-laying turf. The results are easy to see with new grass replacing what was sand and, thankfully, the League was suitably impressed and has approved the team’s promotion. We wish them every success in the coming season. However, we couldn’t let the opportunity pass of mentioning the end of season friendly between the cricketers and the footballers. Now, what was the result again lads? Snooker The Xmas knockout competition is ongoing. If you missed the entry date, keep an eye on the notice boards in Autumn next year! This year’s Eddie Carr Trophy was won by Trevor Broome with Rob Boulton finishing runner up. The competition involves a single frame knockout with just three reds and was played over two evenings in November with the winner of each night contesting the final. MMC President Laurie Wilkinson presented Trevor with his prize and expressed his delight that a relatively recent member to the club was not only getting involved but also winning. Hopefully, this will encourage more members to take part in events. Meanwhile, the annual over 60s competition will take place on 13th and 14th December (lunchtimes). For those not participating, this event is always fascinating to watch and provides a great atmosphere as well as fierce competition. This year, Ken Elwood will be defending his singles title whilst in the pairs, Geoff Morgan and Barry Chaston. will be looking to lift the trophy (and the scotch!) again. Why not come and support? Crib and dominoes The Christmas Crib began in November. For those that want to take part, a new club league will no doubt begin in the New Year. See the notice boards for details. Ladies: the crib and dominoes competitions are open to you too – and the men would welcome you into the fold (just don’t beat them too often!!!) Your sport not mentioned? Well, we’re not psychic, so if you want to tell everyone how well you’ve done, or generate some supporters for a crunch match then drop a line to Newslink or e-mail the Club at mudeford@btconnect.com and let us know what’s happening.! Membership subscriptions Subs payment times and dates: Date From To From To Mon 1st Jan 12:00 1:30 Wed 3rd Jan 12:00 1:30 7:00 9:00 Fri 5th Jan 12:00 1:30 7:00 9:00 Sat 6th Jan 12:00 1:30 Wed 10th Jan 12:00 1:30 7:00 9:00 Fri 12th Jan 12:00 1:30 7:00 9:00 Sat 13th Jan 12:00 1:30 Wed 17th Jan 12:00 1:30 7:00 9:00 Fri 19th Jan 12:00 1:30 7:00 9:00 Sat 20th Jan 12:00 1:30 Wed 24th Jan 12:00 1:30 7:00 9:00 Fri 26th Jan 12:00 1:30 7:00 9:00 Sat 27th Jan 12:00 1:30 Wed 31st Jan 12:00 1:30 7:00 9:00 Subscription charges As those of you who actually read the notice boards will know, it has been agreed that subscriptions will increase next year. The new fees are still very modest compared to most establishments and the increase, as ever, will help to maintain our very low prices for the benefit of the active membership. From January 2007 Members £15 Lady Affilliate Members £7.50 OAP members £15/£7.50* New members joining fee £30 *Note that the discounted price will be available for new 2007 OAP members only after 5 years paying a full membership fee. New this year, for those who are lucky enough to emigrate for the whole of January, is an improved system for paying subs. The old method of queuing up in January will still be running but envelopes will be available in the club during December for members to post their subscriptions in the safe. Mark Stride Naturally, we feel a great sense of loss whenever a member passes away but there was particular sadness at news of the tragic and untimely passing of Mark Stride in November after a valiant battle against illness. The Stride family has a strong and very long standing association with Club and we would like to pass on our sincerest condolences all his family and friends for their loss. A seasonal tale … Santa had been having a bad day. Mrs Claus had been bending his ear about every Christmas being the same as the last. Why couldn’t they go away somewhere for a change? The elves had been moaning about rates of pay and claiming that they were being exploited due to their minority status. Meanwhile, animal rights activists were threatening direct action against Santa’s treatment of the reindeer, especially as they were expected to travel tens of thousands of miles in one night with inadequate rest periods. The Post Office had just delivered a truck load of late letters which would push the Production Department to the wire. Various religious groups were complaining that they were being discriminated against as the old boy deals only with Christmas and not Diwali, Yom Kippur etc. He tried to explain that the clue was in the name “Father Christmas” but to no avail. It was at this point that the Fairy Queen popped in to complain about the blatant sexism in assuming that all the little girls would all like dolls and wendy houses for Christmas. She might have got away with it, had she not chosen that precise moment to bend over and tie a shoe lace. This explains why to this day, it is traditional to see a fairy sitting on the sharp end of a Christmas tree … That’s all folks! Finally, from everyone associated with Newslink and your Club Committees, may we wish you all a fantastic Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year. See you in 2007!