Catching up with things

Sorry, it's been a while and there were a lot of things I meant to rant about, but didn't have the time. So, I'll try and remember some then probably get into the "credit crunch." Well, first up, dumb, inbred animals and their dogs. About three or four week ago, we had the shocking programme (was it Panorama?) detailing the appalling way dog breeders have engineered species of pedigree dogs to conform to some idiotic model shape that they have decided is good. Unfortunately, most of these "perfect" shapes involve terrible cruelty to the animals. The list was endless - Cavalier King Charles spaniels - over half have a serious heart murmur by the age of four. But that's not all. They have been bred to have small heads, which are often too small to hold their brain. So some of the poor beasts have a brain being crushed against the inside of the skull, with some predictable, but nevertheless disturbing effects. Pugs and boxers with breathing difficulty, German Shepherds with arthritic hips and deformed legs that make them walk on tip toe. Normal, healthy puppies are killed if they don't conform to the arbitrary rules for how it should look. The best bit, the arrogant, tweed skirt wearing brigade who, by virtue of being dog breeders, clearly think that their knowledge was far better than that provided by the head vet of the RSPCA and genetics professor Steve Jones. Even when confronted with physical evidence of the changes to breeds over a hundred years or so (skeletons and photos) - they could still adamantly deny what was in front of their eyes! Well, today, good news. The RSPCA is to withdraw its support of the Crufts show and hopefully this will be the snowflake that begins the avalanche that will destroy the Kennel Club in its current form and make pariahs of the cruel, mindless monsters have perpetrate this abuse of animal in every way their superiors. And if Gordon Brown wants to do something to make himself popular, he could do worse than give them 12 months to put their house in order. After that, start locking people up. No subtle links here, I'm just going onto the next thing that I can remember, and it's the Olympics again. Specifically, the 7 minutes that the UK contributed to the closing ceremony. How exactly did the thinking go, I wonder. It must have been rather like the Nat West TV ads. "Right, we got Jimmy Page. We've agreed that he'll do 'Whole lotta love.' So, who's going to sing it? "Could we get Robert Plant?" "What!? Robert Plant! Are you mad? Why on earth would we want a revered rock singer who made the song famous to perform it with his band mate? Obviously, what we need here is some bird off a talent show." So there you have it, some bird whose name I can't remember is better than Robert Plant, and that's official. Now, I can't wait for the opening ceremony in London (probably in Wembley 'cos the stadium won't be ready). I can't wait for Will Young's version of 'Smoke on the water' followed by Gareth Gates demonstrating to Roger Daltrey exactly how 'My G - G - G - Generation' should be sung. Memory fails me regarding the other stuff that has annoyed me recently, so we'll have a quick rant about the credit crunch. So, good news today, some bank has gone bankrupt. Shame for the innocent members of staff but at least a bit of shame for the cretins who run these organisations, buying and selling rights for packages of benefits derived from selling other packages of benefits derived from someone, somewhere actually producing something useful. If a news report tonight is to be believed, the bank in question may not be able to pay this year's bonuses to their staff. A mere £200k per head, on average. They are buffoons and we are well rid of them, but, as ever, it is the man in the street who suffers. But why? As far as I know, there are no massive crop failures or shortages of oil. All the raw materials we need to live are still there, pretty much as before. Now, banks have lent money to people who can't pay it back, and this, we are told is the root of the problem. Gobshite. If the borrowers can't pay, the bank repossesses the house and sells it. If, for any reason this is not possible, the banks have insurance against bad debts. So, ask yourself one question - WHERE HAS ALL THE MONEY GONE TO? WHO'S GOT IT? Could it possibly be the people on the massive bonuses who can take the money and run when the financial institution collapses? Someone has it, the money hasn't disappeared into thin air and the crops and the oil are still being produced so why should there be a problem? Please, someone explain it all to me ...

The Olympics begin (again)

Well, first we had the news that the games had begun, three days before the opening ceremony. This seemed like a slightly unusual way of doing things but this is China. So, it therefore seems that things might be happening a few days before we get to see them in order for all the pictures to be vetted and edited, if they showed something unacceptable to the Beijing authorities. But now, things are in full swing and we are able to view endless hours of coverage of all the sports that we choose not to watch at any other time. This is why, when I felt lazy yesterday afternoon, I found myself staring at men's gymnastics. There are many problems with gymnastics. The first one is that, to the uninitiated, after a while, every competitor on any given apparatus, seems to do exactly the same thing. And, of course, just my luck, as soon as I diverted my attention to make a phone call, somebody at last fell off and I missed it. Scoring of course is a mystery which I suspect takes as its model the Eurovision voting system. It appears to be perfectly possible for a competitor whose performance the commentators cannot fault to score less points that one whose errors are shown in slow motion and explained by the experts. But perhaps the biggest problem with gymnastics is that it seems impossible to find any reason for it to exist. Every aspect of it seems to be utterly pointless with the added risk of potentially being able to hurt yourself quite badly. Other sports, in however esoteric a way, seem to have some basis in usefulness. The fencers and judo players can defend themselves. The runners can escape from danger if they happen not to be fencers or judo players. The shooters, archers and spear chuckers can kill a meal. The walkers and cyclists can get from A to B in good time. The players of team sports can demonstrate teamwork that could help them work together on a difficult task. But the gymnasts ... At what stage in human history could survival chances be improved by being able to hang upside down from two hoops? Whilst being able to vault over a wall has undoubtedly been a useful skill to some in the past, it is likely that doing so (with a sheep under you arm) is not helped by incorporating somersaults and twists into the manoeuvre. But what bugs me the most is that there might have been a Chinese competitor who fell off every piece of apparatus in spectacular comic fashion - and all the footage rests in ashes in the incinerator of Communist Party Headquarters.