Random thoughts

How did they get away with marketing what is basically a pullover by using the name "sweat shirt?"
Could you imagine buying a "dandruff cap", "smell socks" or "poo pants"?

Burning the candle at both ends - is in fact a great idea. The time taken to design and make a suitable candlestick will prevent you from late nights boozing, gambling and entertaining the ladies.

I asked a policeman for directions to a friend's house. They were good directions too, but I didn't think much of his friend.

They say that Heineken refreshes the parts that other beers cannot reach. It's true. Last night I had 14 pints of it and it reached all four corners of my bathroom and some considerable distance down an alleyway.

They say we all have a soul mate. Is there some way I can get mine a bit sooner?

An aged mortician liked fishin'
And used parts of his clients for bait.
He caught quite a few
As the fished liked to chew
And ask "Why is our lunch always late?"

How do you compliment a girl on her brown eyes?

Sooty and Sweep - Cheap TV for people not accustomed to deep thought. Presented by a man who puts his hand up a bear arse.
Supermarket sweep - As above

How come this country isn't called the United Queendom?

If Tomorrow's World was still on the BBC then presumably their email address would be tw@bbc.co.uk.

I've got into impressionist painting. I'm not to keen on Rory Bremner but Mike Yarwood is good.