NEWSLINK
The Newsletter of the
Mudeford Men’s Club
Summer 2011
Can someone please explain …
It’s a funny old world. Barack Obama has to publish his birth certificate to convince people that he is American then he immediately starts drinking the black stuff and telling everyone he’s Irish. Meanwhile, in Carmarthenshire, “The Plough” is offering three course doggy meals such as salmon & prawn stir fried noodles followed by rump steak risotto with green beans washed down by chocolate and marrowbone ice cream (£5). Strangest of all, 38 ladies sign a form asking for their own version of a Pussyfoot night and when a meeting is held to make the arrangements and collect a deposit, only a handful turn up. Someone pass me a Guinness, to be sure.
Sports and games news
I feel a super injunction (or a slap!) coming my way …
Once again, after the annual Frank Sellick two-leg snooker competition with the Southbourne Ex-Servicemen’s Club, the bitter taste of defeat was on our lips.
Asked for a quote, team captain Rob “Uncle Albert” Boulton said “When I was in the Navy …” and we stopped listening at that point.
Losing captain Rob Boulton receives the Eddie Carr Trophy
To be fair to Rob, he did also win this year’s Eddie Carr Trophy (a round robin tournament using just three reds) and was presented with his prize by Paul Rogers. Asked for a quote, he responded “During the war …”
Cricket
No doubt you will have seen the irritating moustachioed mock-Mexican wrestler advertising train travel on TV. He looks at animals for inspiration for his wrestling moves. Pillock. However, not to be outdone, the President has tried to bring this innovation into the game of cricket. Laurie’s trick, known as “The Sea lion” is to catch a cricket ball on the end of his nose. Unfortunately, the first public demonstration at New Milton Cricket Ground merely resulted in large quantities of spilt blood and the loss of a wicket for a certain unlucky bowler who still hasn’t received a pint in lieu of the dropped dolly catch!
Mark Anderson (right) won the recent poker league after a 13 week competition whilst Lee Haskell (left) took the cash for victory in the Final.
Fantasy Football League by Paul Rogers
Chris Nicholls (right) became the winner of the competition, with Jackie Goss and Dave Davies second and third respectively. Chris came with a late run, taking the lead in Gameweek 36. Jackie and Dave contested the lead for most of the season with Derek Ellwood and Adrian Prosser taking the lead on occasion.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the managers for taking part, I for
Keep an eye on the notice board for the next competition in July/August. We will be introducing an entry free of £5.00 for managers, but if you don’t want to pay the entry fee, you can still take part, you just won’t win the money if you come in the first three. Hopefully there will be enough managers for 1st, 2nd and 3rd prizes.
If you require anymore information please contact me at 0780 693 9132 or email website@mudefordmens.co.uk
Charity cheque presentations
Sun 6th March saw our annual cheque presentations to local good causes. But before that, we had to award the prize to the Balloon Race winner. This year it was Joyce Masterman who’s balloon got as far as Sassenberg (Germany
Headway Poole - £750
Prostate Cancer Network Dorset - £1,000
The Mayor’s Charity Fund (which included Action For Youth In Christchurch) - £1,000
Help For Heroes (separate events and collections organised by Ray Reddell) - £600
A fantastic effort and thanks go to all those who helped and everyone who put their hand in their pocket to generate this amazing amount of money.
Entertainment news
What’s coming up …
Well, to be honest, July is just taking shape now so I won’t be able to tell you much as we had to keep it blank in case there was a Ladies’ Pussyfoot night to organise. Here’s June and a bit of July though …
| Date | <><> What’s on … | <><>
| Thu 02 June | <><> Ladies Darts Presentation with disco, | <><>
| Sat 04 June | <><> The Mudeford Crabs | <><>
| Sat 11 June | <><> Filmed Race Night | <><>
| Sun 12 June | <><> Just Jeff, new act, lunchtime | <><>
| Fri 17 June | <><> Men’s Darts Presentation with disco and late bar | <><>
| Sat 18 June | <><> Alpine Roadshow Disco with a late bar for a party | <><>
| Sat 25 June | <><> Pussyfoot Dinner (ticket holders only in the Lounge) with a late bar. | <><>
| Sat 02 July | <><> TBA – Typical, band cancelled just as we were going to press! | <><>
| Sat 09 July | <><> Coroma Disco with an extension for a party | <><>
| Sun 10 July | <><> Paul Hammond (lunchtime) | <><>
Royal Wedding Day
I think it’s fair to say that a good time was had by all! The children were allowed in as a one off and it was a great success with a fantastic atmosphere and some rather nice bar takings too!
Special thanks to members of the Entertainments Committee who were on hand at 8am to decorate the room, Gordon, who was around from 6:30am, Paul Rogers for his entertaining “Killer” competitions, Jill Rogers and Liz Westall who spent many happy hours serving up hog roasts, Dave Hastings for organising a Poker tournament, the band Blowin’ Free and of course the Bar Staff who were kept pretty busy!
Next year it’s the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and we can do it all over again.
Ladies’ Night – Part 1
You may well have seen the emails, notices in the Club or heard announcements regarding Ladies’ Night. A number of ladies expressed a desire for a version of Pussyfoot for the girls. A meeting was called to make plans with the proviso that if 40 ladies paid a £10 deposit then the event would go ahead.
Come the day, there were two ladies members along with the four who sit on the Entertainments Committee present. So, no go for this year. It doesn’t have to be a meal or a theatre trip – with enough demand both could be done.
If ladies particularly want this event in the future, there are certain logistical problems to be overcome. Volunteers make the Men’s event happen. There is a lot of seafood to be prepared along with a lot of salad and eggs. Prawn cocktails have to be prepared. The waiting is all done by volunteers as is setting up the room and the fetching of the chairs from the Village Hall. If you want an event like this ladies, then you will need to recruit a decent sized workforce although I’m sure that some of the chaps will be pleased to help out too.
And before anyone else asks the question, no you can’t have nude male waiters!
Ladies’ Night – Part 2
The good news is that Sharon
So, on Wednesday 3rd August you can enjoy a trip to the Pavilion to see Calendar Girls featuring Lesley Joseph, Ruth Madoc and many others. You get this for just £20 including coach transport which is considerably less than the people around you will pay just for their theatre seats!
What’s more, if it is a late finish, the Club will be kept open so you can have a post-show drink. Tickets go on sale on Thursday 9th June at 7:30 in the Lounge.
Easter Egg Draw – Sun 17th April
Paul Lyne won the big egg and generously put it back to be auctioned. Kevin Robinson then paid £30 for it.
Vouchers for schools
Again we’ve got a huge pile of vouchers to donate to local schools. The offer ends very soon so please get any vouchers you may have down to the Club ASAP.
The refurbishment
Also, did you know that the Club is now a WiFi hotspot so you should be able to easily access the web and email from you laptops or phones.
It is now a year since I became the Administrator of the Mudeford Men’s Club Website. I will be changing some of the pages, these may appear under different buttons. This work will be ongoing and I will let members know when it has been completed. When you come to the Club for an event, take photos telling me what event, who the people are in them. At some stage I want to have galleries on the website. Send your photos to paul.c.rogers@sky.com.
Book sales
Ray “Play your cards right” Watson has taken on the task of organising second hand book sales on occasional Sunday lunchtimes. All monies made on sales will go towards the charity fund.
So, keep an eye on the Notice Board for details of upcoming sales and, if you have any books you no longer require, please consider donating them.
The Mickey House Trophy
Club catering
Coming up …
A sit down dinner, entry by ticket bought in advance. Still a few tickets left (£27.50). Ask at the bar or see Richard Leyshon.
Marrow Competition – Sunday 4th September
Get planting now. There are rumours afoot of a “Dress a wooden spoon” competition. Watch this space.
Tickets for Ascot will go on sale in the Club on Tuesday 7th June at 7:30pm . Tickets will be priced at £30.
Committee elections and AGM
a) allowed children in the Lounge on Party Nights and
b) Had yearly elections for the job of Secretary.
Your letters and emails
Not only a fine selection of jokes this month but a real letter! We now have so many jokes from the last five years, it might be an idea to print a booklet for a couple of quid a pop for Club funds. What do you think?
From Phil Oliver, and, as one of our only ever serious submissions, it wins the £10 of drinks over the bar.
What a BRILLIANT band!
Dr Strangebrew were awesome last Sat but unfortunately ruined by a complete lack of judgement on the part of whomever decides what time to shut the bar.
The band were obviously up for a late one, proven by the fact that they were sill playing at 11-20. Unfortunately you guys still think that pubs shut at 11, they don't. Pubs shut when the Bar staff or lastly the punters have had enough. Our club needs money, so stay open & get it.
Gordon made a big deal of getting a 1AM licence back when new Labour changed the licensing laws but, apart from Xmas it’s never used! It’s not an extension, its legally permitted opening hours.
We didn't need 1AM on Sat but we also didn't need 11, would 1130 been too much to expect?
I love the club, but really, get a grip!
Make the place somewhere people want to go, it'll be packed & we'll all be better off.
Make the place somewhere people want to go, it'll be packed & we'll all be better off.
Yours,
Phil O
The Committee was asked if it would like to respond and they requested that I do so, so here goes …
Unfortunately it is very difficult to predict numbers on Saturday nights. Yes, we do get nights when an unexpectedly large crowd turns up but it really isn’t fair to expect the bar staff to then work additional, unsociable hours without any notice.
This year, in the Mar/Apr/May period we had 8 late bars out of 13 on Saturdays. The previous three years were all 4 or 5 so I think we are becoming more flexible in this regard. Whenever it is known in advance that a good crowd is likely, a midnight bar is organised.
If there is an easy solution to this problem, I don’t know what it is. Perhaps someone has some ideas?
From Dave Hastings (wins a pint) …
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker. It was just After Eight. They got off at Quality Street
He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa. 'I'mMarathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.
He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her. Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple. He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs. Soon they were Heart Throbs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight. But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch. Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts!
He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa. 'I'm
He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her. Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple. He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs. Soon they were Heart Throbs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight. But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch. Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts!
----------
Before the 2001 inauguration of George Bush, he was invited to a "get acquainted" tour of the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked outgoing President Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton
That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. 'Just think,' he said, 'when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal. But I wouldn't do something so self-indulgent!'
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill: 'I found out who pi**ed in your saxophone.'
That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. 'Just think,' he said, 'when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal. But I wouldn't do something so self-indulgent!'
Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill: 'I found out who pi**ed in your saxophone.'
From Ray Watson (also wins a pint) …
Church Ladies With typewriters . . .
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at
Weight Watchers will meet at
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
Contact Newslink
Write to Newslink via the Club.
E-mail via the Club web site.
Call Rich Leyshon on xxxxxxxxxxx
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