NEWSLINK
The newsletter of
Mudeford Men's Club
Autumn 2011
“We’ll be fighting in the streets”
There was anger on the streets, an almost electric tension in the air. Feelings were running high. It was only a matter of time before it boiled over in to unprecedented scenes of civil disobedience, violence and looting.
It is hard to imagine that a single, isolated incident could lead to such carnage but, the replacement of the Club furniture seems to have aroused strong feelings.
Marrow Competition
As ever, members supported this event well with entries up slightly on last year although it has to be said this was mainly due to the popularity of jams and chutneys. Many of the “growing” events seem to get ever fewer entries and with the weather not being ideal, less of the produce was purchased than normal. However, with the help of the charity cake stall, we did end up in a position of being able to put £50 in the Charity Fund.
Overall winner Terry Wright receives the trophy from Jill Rogers
The runner beans category saw four contestants passing the 200cm mark for their longest five beans. Tony Gabb was well clear of the rest of the field in 3rd, Jean Ellwood was 2nd but beating the rest by a foot was Terry Wright with a combined length of 294cm (9ft 8”).
In the onions, Albert Raven came third, Eric Jesty 2nd but a convincing win for Terry Wright with five specimens that weighed in at 3.2kg (7lb 2oz).
John Oliver,John Sellick and Kevin Robinson
Thursday nights
Boxing Day Auction
As usual, we will be holding our annual Grand Boxing Day Auction (lunchtime) in aid of our Charity Fund. As ever, we are on the lookout for anything that can be auctioned off so if any members (or their businesses) have something then please get in touch with a member of the Ents Committee (or send it to Newslink).
Chance to save some ££££
The Club now sources its gas and telephone services from a company called Make It Cheaper. They are a company which searches for the best deals for REGISTERED BUSINESS OWNERS for: gas, electricity, phones, banking etc. They also search for the best deals for mobiles – FOR ANYONE.
quoting their phone number and that they were referred to Ese by Marie at Mudeford Men’s Club (office@mudefordmens.co.uk)
Ese will then phone them and if they sign up, the Club will get a small reward of either wine (which we can use for, say, Marrow Comp Prizes) or Amazon vouchers which we could use for buying stationery.
“So far”, says Marie, “I have found them very helpful and will be contacting them for the electric when our present contract is up.”
Newslink apology
We would like to apologise for an appalling lack of judgement in the way Newslink has been run. We have, in the past, failed to hack into anybody’s phone. We know that this standard of behaviour is unacceptable in today’s press, and we promise that, in future, we will invade as many people’s privacy as possible. Of course, we could just do what we normally do, and make it all up instead.
Entertainment news
Coming up …
| 10th Sep | DJ Langer (Ext) |
| 17th Sep | |
| Sun 18th Sep | Laurence |
| 24th Sep | Shoestring Blues Band |
| 1st Oct | Envy |
| 8th Oct | Alpine Roadshow Disco |
| Sun 9th Oct | Paul Hammond |
| 15th Oct | Movin’ On |
| 22nd Oct | Race Night (Ext) |
| Sun 23rd Oct | Alan Roberts |
| 29th Oct | Rapport |
| 5th Nov | Blitz (Ext) Cricket Club presentation |
| 12th Nov | Trouble in Mind (New band) |
| Sun 13th Nov | Martin Boucher |
| 19th Nov | DJ Langer |
| 26th Nov | Mista Beat |
| Sun 27th Nov | Paul Hammond |
| 3rd Dec | Quo-incidence (Status Quo Tribute) |
| Thu 8th Dec | Ladies Darts Xmas Disco (Ext) |
Rockin’ all over the Club …
Dig out your denims as, for one Saturday night only (3rd December), your old blue jeans will be the required form of dress in the Lounge. We are delighted to announce a gig from acclaimed Status Quo tribute act “Quo-incidence!”
As ever, there will also be a disco and a late bar so keep an eye out for posters for more details.
Ladies Night
A sell out trip went to the Pavilion to see the star-filled production of Calendar Girls. The evening was, once again, a great success. Thanks to Sharon Morgan for organising it all and also to Rob Boulton for keeping the bar open a bit later than planned so the girls could have a nice drink afterwards.
Another great day out. Thanks again go to Sharon
Sports and games news
The Mickey House Trophy
It looks like last year’s resurrected Mickey House Trophy (against the Conservative Club) was a one off as they show no desire to repeat last year’s thrashing sorry, match.
Football
As I write this the football season is just about to start. Hopefully, when you are reading this, we have made a good start with many wins under our belt!
We once again have 2 teams playing in the Bournemouth Saturday leagues in Divisions 1 and 3. After the disappointment of relegation last year, the first team are trying to gain promotion back up to the Premier league at the first attempt. The first team manager Gareth Davies, now ably assisted by Rob Walker, is hoping that a combination of last year’s players and a few new faces will enable them to achieve their goal (excuse the pun!). The reserves team easily won Division 5 last year and have now been promoted 2 divisions. Division 3 will provide a challenge that manager James Taylor and his assistant Paul 'DJ Langer' Langrish are looking forward to with a strengthened squad. Although, we obviously always want to win, we also have a good social side and we can always be found after the game on a Saturday afternoon in the Lounge bar of the Club recounting the day’s events and watching the football league scores come in! Feel free to come and join us and don't forget, between 4-7 you can bring the kids in!!
For those wishing to get involved, football training is on a Wednesday evening at 2Riversmeet between 8.30-9.30.
Fixtures and results are posted on the board by the front door to keep interested members informed of how we are getting on this season.
Our Lottery Bingo is now in its 11th year and still going strong. Many thanks to all those who participate. Congratulations to our recent winners. Weekly updates are posted on the main board in the foyer for those involved or for those wanting to find out more information.
As ever, we are always looking out for members who would like to help out financially by sponsoring us. Last year, Darrin Clark from Austin Clark & Co Accountants sponsored the polo shirts that many of you may have seen worn around the Club and are worn by our players on a match day. Many thanks to Darrin and I am sure that he is pleased to see his company name paraded around the Club! This year we are looking to supply the squad with match day sweat-tops/hoodies. If you, or your company, would like to sponsor us and get your company name on the gear feel free to contact me. It is probably not as expensive as you think!!
Rob Smith
Chairman
Coming soon …
The Christmas Draw – tickets are always on sale but expect to be poked in the ribs to cough up soon!
The start of the Christmas knockout competitions. See the Notice Board.
Keep an eye on the notice board for details of the Childrens’ Christmas party and the annual pantomime trip.
Over 60s snooker (Dec)
Sloe gin (and brandy) competition (Dec).
Charity Month with various events (Dec).
Comps & website etc - by Paul Rogers
Christmas Competitions
Yes, Summer is officially over and it is time for the Christmas Competitions again. Entry sheets for Dominoes, Cribbage, Poker and Darts are in the foyer. The entry sheets for the Billiards and Snooker are in the John Boyt Bar.
Fantasy Football
The Fantasy Football started on the 13th August. This year I am pleased to say that we have increased our managers to 22, good luck to you all and thank you. There is an optional £5.00 entry for the competition this year and if any manager wishes to pay then see Rob Boulton. There will be prize money for winners who paid the entry fee. Of course, you can still play for fun, without paying anything. Closing date will be after Gameweek 4.
Printed Gameweek sheets will be posted in the foyer and
on the website at:
which now has feeds to the Fantasy Football Scout and BBC Sport – check it out.
Club E-mail List
The Club has now 320 members on the e-mail list. If you wish to be on the club mailing list send your e-mail address to: website@mudefordmens.co.uk
Also, please note that the new club email address is office@mudefordmens.co.uk
In spite of the many compliments Paul has received for the Club Website, he is intent on constant improvement and is currently working on an updated version of the site. Keep an eye out for changes. – Ed.
Your letters and emails
Just for a change, they were all jokes this month …
Best of the crop (of the ones we can print!) was from Ray Watson who wins £10 of drinks.
A guy is sitting in the bar in departures at Heathrow. A Woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto: " We love to fly and it shows ".
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: "Winning the
hearts of the world".
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries again , this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto:
"Going beyond expectations".
The woman looks at him sternly and says;
" What the **** do you want?"
"Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face, "Ryanair"!!!
He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airlines motto: " We love to fly and it shows ".
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: "Winning the
hearts of the world".
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries again , this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto:
"Going beyond expectations".
The woman looks at him sternly and says;
" What the **** do you want?"
"Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face, "Ryanair"!!!
And there’s more from Ray …
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
--------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she reached to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
As she reached to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
--------------------
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
--------------------
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?'
--------------------
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
--------------------
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
'Yes,' the class said.
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted, 'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
--------------------
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only one. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
'Take only one. God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
Contact Newslink
Write to Newslink via the Club.
E-mail via the Club web site.
Call Rich Leyshon on xxxxx xxxxxx.
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